You Idiot | Bakudeku/Suicidal Deku

17 - Muffled Screams

Deku POV (TW, Suicide attempt)

Pain ran through my wrists, burning and making my arms ache. My hands were sticky with blood as I ran them across the floor.

Dark spots flashed across my vision as my head hit the ground. I was so tired. I just wanted to disappear.

Suddenly the dull pain turned into white-hot burning, and I could still feel the blade cutting into my vein.
I almost screamed.

I pressed my lips together and whimpered softly. I could see the blood dripping onto the floor through my limited vision.

I blinked, and suddenly I was sitting on a rooftop. It was the rooftop of my old school, and it was sunset. Things were different though. There was no fence surrounding the edge, and Kacchan was sitting beside me.

My shoes were off and sitting behind me, and his strong arm was draped around my shoulders. He still wore that cocky smirk.

"Damn, you've got this whole view and you're still staring at me, nerd." He chuckled, making my heart go faster.

"I prefer the view I have now." I teased, pressing my lips against his cheek. He tasted mildly like caramel, and before I could move my head away he moved his around and kissed me.

I tried to mumble something but he kissed me harder and gently bit my bottom lip. I pressed myself against him and slid my hands up his shirt and tugged gently on it.

I then began pulling away, but his arms snaked around me and held me close.

"Normally I'm the one who has to pull away." Kacchan teased in between kisses. He gave me one final kiss on the nose before pulling away.

"Cutie." He mumbled, making me pout sarcastically.

"If you had held me any closer I'd be nearly falling off the roof." I said, touching his cheek gently.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I won't let you fall, you won't die as long as I'm here. No one can hurt you." He promised, nuzzling my cheek.

You can protect me...?

The only person you can't protect me from is myself, love.

Tears filles my eyes. I was finally gone...right?

If I was finally dead then why, even in my dream fantasy, why was I still sad, why was my mind still pining after a bit of sadness?

His hands suddenly gripped my shoulders, and he stared at me with a look of concern. He yelled something over and over, but it was like someone screaming underwater.

It was muffled, and it kept getting quieter.

I didn't know what to say, so I grabbed his face again and pulled his mouth down to mine to shut him up.

"I'm sorry Kacchan..."

Then he was gone, and all I could see was blinding white walls.

I looked at myself. I was wearing the same casual clothes I had on before I slit my wrists. They were clean though.

"Hello?"

There wasn't an answer.

I stood up. I was light as a feather, and felt at peace, but weirdly like there was something wrong.

I walked for maybe hours around the void, until I was crying. It didn't make my face turn red or crumple up, it just felt warm and cold at the same time on my cheeks.

"Kacchan?"

I never got to tell him.

I was dead.

"Please...you-you promised you wouldn't leave..."

"Kacchan?!"

"They said you can hear me...can you? I'm sorry, I hope you can wake up. Not even for me, but for everyone else who loves you, and for all the lives you're going to save. I love you..."

I pressed my hands against my face.
One of the things I'd most feared had happened. I was stuck between being alive and being dead, while being able to hear the hurt of everyone.

I'm sorry...I love you too...

But he can't hear me.

And he might never.

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