You Idiot | Bakudeku/Suicidal Deku

18 - It can't be

Bakugo POV

I remembered holding his limp, cold body in my arms and crying. His lips met mine for only an instant before he passed out. I screamed for someone to get help, because I didn't trust my shaking fingers to use the phone.

Uraraka came up behind me and let out a cry of grief as she began frantically asking what happened.

"Shut up, shut up you stupid girl!" I yelled through my tears. "Call the fucking ambulance!"

She began crying silently as she dial 911 and explained that Deku was severely injured and needed medical attention stat because he was losing blood.

I sat there unable to move as she dropped the phone.

"They're on their way." She said, still crying, she dropped to her knees and began trying to tear off the bottom of Deku's shirt.

"What the hell are you doing?" I growled.

"Trying to stop the bleeding." She rubbed at her runny nose sloppily, and pressed the cloth as hard as she could against one wrist.

I sat there breathing heavily, staring at his pale face.

"Bakugo! For fucks sake, help me!" She snapped, making me jump a little. I'd never heard Round-Face swear.
I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't take the thought of him dying. For some reason I couldn't do anything...I felt like I was too late...

Round-Face then got up. "I'm getting Mr. Aizawa, the ambulance won't get here in time."

I nodded weakly at her.

Why wasn't I doing that?

Why wasn't I taking him to Recovery Girl?

Why was I so weak?

***

The ambulance lights were flashing bright in the dim daylight, and our class had gathered around the entrance to our dorms, whispering and watching curiously. Everybody knew Deku was hurt, but no one knew how badly or why.

I stood away from everyone, watching and listening as intently as I could to what the paramedics were saying.

They talked quickly to each other, and I could only catch occasional words. But they looked worried, and I heard one of them yell out frantically as the ambulance's doors shut and they drove away.

"You can't leave me here, love." I mumbled under my breath.

***

My back ached from sitting in a weird curled up position on one of the stiff chairs in the waiting room.

I tried to sleep. I really did. I couldn't even keep my eyes closed for more than a few minutes because I was worried that when I opened them they would tell me he was gone. If he was gone I never wanted to wake up.
Inko Midoriya was sitting a few seats away from me. She was hysterical at first, and the doctors had to work to calm her down for ten minutes. I couldn't look her in the eye. I knew she somewhat thought that I was the reason for this, and her eyes and face looked so much like Deku's.

My mom was also there, and she had an arm around Inko, gently trying to console her.

I'd used up all my tears, so I just sat there in a numb silence.

C'mon love...pull through. For your mom, for All Might, for everyone.
For me.

***

The rest of the night was hazy, because I was sleep deprived and depressed. I wasn't fully sure what was real and what was me hallucinating.

Around 2AM I had finally managed to fall asleep when I heard beeping and sat up so fast Inko jumped a little.

After about ten minutes a doctor walked cautiously over to us.

"Are you Izuku Midoriya's mother?" He asked with a worried expression.

She nodded.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but he's..."

No no no no no no.

No he's not fucking dead.

He can't...

The doctor glanced at me, and looked shocked. I had my hands on the sides of the chair and had a feral and hurt expression on my face. I slammed my hand against the chair next to me, which was luckily empty. The leather burst and the wood burned and splintered, utterly ruining the chair.

"Sir, please don't use your quirk in here!" A nurse walking by gasped frantically, rushing to the damaged pile of wood.

"He's not dead." The doctor said, not taking his eyes off of me. "He suffered major blood loss, and trauma to the head. The only way to save him was to put him in a medically induced coma. It will be a few weeks, maybe even months before he'll wake up. After that, we don't know exactly what will happen. He might have different sorts of trauma, or trouble doing different tasks. Memory loss as well, there's a strong chance he'll lose part of his memory."

Blood drained from my face.

"He'll wake up though...right?" I asked meekly.

"There's only a small chance that he won't." The doctor explained, giving a sad smile.

"But he might not remember anything?" Inko asked, rubbed at her red eyes.

"There's a chance. He could lose only a few memories, he could lose a certain number of years, or he could lose almost all of them."

He might forget that I was a part of his life. Maybe that would be better. I hurt him so badly, it might be better that I'm forgotten. Then at least he would be at peace.

"Can we see him?" Inko asked firmly. She could tell I was almost as broken up as her.

"Sure." The doctor led us down a few hallways to his room. Inko went in first. I didn't listen to what she was saying. When she came out, she was crying again.

I walked in.

There were a ton of tubes strapped to his arm, and lots of other things on him. His arms had gotten stitches and been bandaged up.

I'd heard before that people in comas could hear what you're saying to them. I hoped it was true, but I still thought I sounded weird talking to him.

"Hey Deku." I mumbled, leaning my head on the edge of his bed. "The doctor said you'll live, isn't that good?"

I waited a few moments before continuing.

"Please keep fighting...you can't quit on us now." I touched his cheek gently. He was so cold.

I sighed, feeling those familiar tears drip down my cheeks.

"I'll wait for you, love, I promise." I gripped the edge of the sheets. "I'll be here every day, waiting, talking to you. Hopefully someday you'll be able to talk back."

I let my head fall next to his.
"I love you."

I just want you to say something back...

Told ya it would get worse.
Warning now, I spent a while making an outline of all the events to come, and now even I'm sad.
I mean, I'm always kinda sad and I've been on the verge of another panic attack for a while but this story brings ya'll joy and I like writing it so officially I'm fine.

Reginald is here to comfort you and Bakugo 🐙
Appreciate Reginald