You Idiot | Bakudeku/Suicidal Deku

7 - Too close...

Deku POV (some gore)

I pressed my fingers against the top of my desk, feeling the smooth wood under my hands. I shifted to be more comfortable again, and the blade slid down to a point where it poked my leg. I tried to move it, but it ended up nearly slicing through the fabric and falling onto my leg. It would be a serious problem if that happened.

My gaze lingered on the area outside the window, distracted and cut off from everything happening in class. I glanced at Kacchan, who was sitting in front of me, before reaching my hand into my pocket and trying to move the blade to a different pocket.

"Midoriya!"

"Huh?!" I jumped a little in surprise as Iida crossed his arms, clearly disappointed that I wasn't paying attention. Mr. Aizawa let out a weird snore, and nearly rolled off his desk. He didn't wake up though. Suddenly I felt something warm on my hand, and I felt the familiar sting of the blade. It had cut into the center of my hand as my fingers clenched together in surprise. I tried to subtlety look down at my injury.

The razor blade had cut into the center of my left hand, halfway stuck into the skin. Blood dripped down the sides, beginning to stain my leg and the bottom of my jacket. I moved my eyes back to Iida while swiftly pulling the blade out and clenching my hand to slow the blood.

"Um, yes?" I asked sheepishly, cradling my injured hand with the other against my chest.

"You aren't paying attention, and this is important, Mr. Aizawa has an important message for you all." he barked, putting his hands on his hips. He paused and looked at Mr. Aizawa, his expression soured. "Well, I thought he was making an announcement, but it looks like it'll wait until next class."

I raised my hand, but didn't wait for him to choose me. "In that case, could I go to the bathroom?"

Iida nodded sharply. I pulled my sleeve down to cover my left hand before leaving quickly. Hopefully Kacchan wouldn't notice that I was acting weirdly or decide to follow me. He would figure out that I had a razor blade, and then he would take it away, and I wouldn't be able to do anything anymore.

***

Luckily the bathroom was completely empty, so no one could question me as to what I was doing. I stuck my hand under the running water, and watched it turn red. I suddenly flashed back to earlier, with Kacchan forcing my arms under the water.

"Damn, he's going to be so pissed..." I mumbled under my breath. "Despite the fact I didn't mean to, if he finds out he's going to tell someone..."

Once I'd washed all the blood away, I was able to see the injury clearly. I didn't look at it for long because I began feeling the pain running through my palm and fingers, and oh my...it was so much worse than what was on my wrists. Razor blade injuries hurt like hell, and this one had gone almost dangerously deep.

Suddenly I heard something tap on the tile behind me, and instinctively I hid my hand and turned around to see who it was.

Shit.

I only saw his spiky blonde hair, familiar scowl, and angular red eyes for a second, but he already was suspicious. "Hey Deku. Is...everything ok?"

I shoved my left hand behind my back. "Oh yeah, I just couldn't really focus in there. Sorry."

"Ok. You know I just had to make sure-" his eyes darted to the counter, "Is that blood?"

"Is what blood?" I said hurriedly.

"There's blood on the sink behind you." he stated firmly, walking toward me quickly. In three quick strides he had my right wrist pinned to the sink with one hand, and held out his other hand for my left.

"Are your injuries bleeding again? Do you need me to re-wrap them?" he asked, his voice softening to a point that made my heart wince a little. I shook my head, staring at his chest to avoid his piercing gaze. "Show me your arm."

His eyes moved the the left.

I wanted to wash the blood off the blade, so I temporarily took it out, and it was drying on the sink.

"Damn it!" he growled, his fingers digging into my wrist. He violently grabbed the blade and examined it. "You have about ten seconds to explain what you did before I drag your ass down to Mr. Aizawa and tell them what you did. Start."

"It was an accident, I didn't mean to grab it, it was out of habit, I'm sorry! I didn't get hurt on purpose but I knew you would get super upset if you saw it, please please don't tell him, I swear it was an accident Kacchan!" I suddenly began crying. I choked on his name, and covered my face with my hands. I kept crying even as he told me to stop.

"Deku. Deku." he grabbed my wrists lightly. "Hey, stop freaking out."

He finally stopped and just took a step back. He crossed his arms and glanced away. He let me cry for a few minutes. All the emotions I was building up all day bubbled out and I cried until I heard Kacchan say; "Stop crying, idiot, it's...it's making me uncomfortable."

I moved my hands down and rested my lips on the backs of my fingers, avoiding his gaze.

"Jeez, finally." he scoffed. I guess all the empathy he showed me earlier ran out, and now he was back to normal. It was almost reassuring to know he didn't care again. I stared at the blade in his hand for a few seconds, trying to figure out whether I could get it back without him noticing.

He watched my eyes carefully, and then tucked it into his back pocket. "Yeah, you're lucky I haven't hit you yet. You're crying like a fucking baby, and you lied. I thought you said you didn't have anything to cut yourself with?"

Suddenly he sighed, leaning quickly forward. He put one hand on the sink behind me, and I think without realizing it he half rested his head on my shoulder. I inhaled sharply as he got back up, staring at me.

"Look, you'll be fine. Try not to say anything about how you hurt your hand, and be careful with it. Also, try not to be so emotional." he rolled his eyes. "I...I still have to watch you."

"I know that." I gasped quietly, noticing how close he was. His chest was practically pressed against mine. I felt one of his feet slide so it was pressed against mine, and slid a hand up so he was holding the collar of my jacket. I didn't understand why he suddenly was so close to me. It was weird. It was like he went from suddenly caring weirdly about me, to being cold as ice, to being all over me, and it was making my face turn bright red.

I wanted to tell him to get off me, but an odd part of me kind of liked it. I also couldn't speak because his fingers were brushing my collarbone lightly, and I'm pretty sure he could feel my heart beating like a hummingbird's wings. Damn it...

I'd always admired Kacchan's ambition, and the way he was so confident about his talents. It was inspiring. I mean, his mean and hostile personality were a con, obviously, but he always fought for what he wanted and didn't take shit from people. I mean...I tried to look at the positives about him.

"Let's go. We have to go to our next class." Kacchan took a step away from me and began walking towards the door. I took a few seconds before following him.