You Idiot | Bakudeku/Suicidal Deku

3 - "Deku?!"

Deku POV (TW Self harm)

Earlier...

I woke up at 6AM with my mind pinging like my phone did after Uraraka went on a date with Iida. It made the front of my head throb, and I couldn't get back to sleep.

"Damn it..." I promised my mom before we moved into the dorms that I would get more sleep. She was worried about the bags under my eyes, and the way it affected my mood. Apparently she was right about it making me more sad.

The scars on my arms proved it.

I'm sorry...I know I promised I would stop doing that too...

Mom would be so disappointed.

I've been cutting since middle school, but she only found out almost a year before the UA exams. It was...technically All Might who forced me too. During the training I couldn't wear long sleeves, and they hadn't completely healed. I told my mom, and it couldn't have gone worse.

She broke down and asked me why, and begged me not to do it ever again. My promise to stop was like my dad's promise to come back to our family; empty.

I looked down at my forearms. Stripes covered them, all the way from my wrist to right before my elbow. I shivered as I stroked a finger over a long scar on my wrist. It went straight down my arm, aligning with my vein. I remember trying desperately to reach the vein so I could bleed out. Damn, I have dark thoughts.

I brushed a hand over my arm. It was smooth, it had been a long time since I cut. It was weirdly addictive, and I wanted to do it again.

My hand fumbled for the handle of my drawer, and I yanked it open. Inside there was a small black box in the back corner. I pulled it out and opened it up. It was empty. Damn it. I would have to go to the showering area to get more. I didn't want to have to go out, and there was a higher risk of being caught.

I grabbed my sweatshirt from the end of my bed and pulled it on. I think the only reason that no one at UA besides All Might knew about the cuts is because I covered it with makeup. I had to use waterproof makeup, because our training uniforms went only halfway down my arms. I left my room quickly and rushed down the hallway.

"Ah-! What the hell?!" I bumped hard into a chair as I was trying to get throught the kitchen. I'd gotten up too fast and it was too dark. Kacchan turned and growled at me. I apologized quickly and ran past him, hurrying to the shower area. Above the sink, there was a box of the thin blades, there always was.

I grabbed one and dug the tip into the skin on my wrist. Once I felt it cut into my skin I winced, and gritted my teeth. I slid it across my arm over and over, sometimes leaving deep cuts, and some merely scratches. The line where I was cut slowly turned red and blood bubbled out and dripped down my arm.

"Deku?!"

I turned around, dropping the blade on the sink. Shit.