unconditional (BOOK #2) [TO BE PUBLISHED]

Chapter 72 - Russell POV

Chapter 72 – Russell POV

I didn't love Amara, if I was being honest with myself, I didn't love her. I had once loved her but we weren't the same people as before, I had grown, changed. She had as well, I could tell but there was something missing or in the way, but now...

As we sat in my parents living room, heads all whipped to face Catalena, putting her hand up she giggled, "excuse me," she said clearing her throat, "Russell... what you felt what you blacked out from... the last month, when you would leave Angel with me and have sex with Amara, that is what Angel felt... that pain you felt, she felt, worse because she felt it all over and at first I couldn't understand, but now, I hope you understand," she finished then left and went outside. What the fuck? Angel felt what I just felt when I had sex with Amara? Why hadn't Catalena said anything before? Anxious I started counting in my head for that last month Angel was here, how many times had Amara and I had sex, and Angel felt what I just did. Once. Twice. Again and five days before she was kidnapped. That gave me more to think about in a completely different way... Gabriel said Angel – what happened – was because she loved me but maybe it was her way of ending the pain she felt when I was with Amara...

What about my child? Would he or she be feeling what I just experienced? Declan... Catalena... they were different, didn't age... would my child age? I had Angel for three years almost... she hadn't changed much, except growing in weight, getting stronger, building muscles where she really had none.

"We can do this Russy," Amara said, her eyes red, reaching for my hand, pulling it away, my eyes found my mothers, also crying silently but all I saw was comfort and understanding when she looked at me.

"We – we said talked about it before... we'd use a surrogate... since there is nothing – nothing stopping you from having a child biologically if you wanted, we wanted, using my eggs," Amara said, her voice different from any other time I've heard her but what she was saying was only infuriating me. She was right; I had said those things, pleaded with her before she left me four years ago... now? Me telling her that it didn't matter if she carried our child or not? That yes, IVF was expensive, but her risking her health to carry our child, any child, wasn't worth the risk. But what I hadn't suggested was - was this bullshit she was sprouting now.

"You want to take a child from its mother?" I spat angrily. Who – who was this woman?

"Mother?!" she snorted, "what a fucking joke! That girl is incompetent; she doesn't deserve to even have a child much less yours! Our b-baby Russell, it should – that baby should be ours," Amara said and I was taken back. She was sad, grieving our lost, but I couldn't mourn the same way she was now, I had healed as I thought she had when Angel and I came back here. But Amara didn't stop there, not bothering with our family listening in, "why should she get to give you what I was supposed to? Why? She wouldn't understand what's going on... Russy, we – we – you could tell her that... that it's our baby..." she said and any understanding I had for her previous statement, her prior hurt was gone. Why couldn't she see Angel as a person? How had I not noticed that before... I knew the answer. Physically, sexually... I was lonely, I'd never cross that line with Angel, but when we returned to Port Huron, Amara was easy to jump back together with in that way.

"And you want me to tell Angel what? Or that child when he or she is older?" I jumped to my feet.

"You know what, don't answer that. My options are to stay with you and Sana, never see my child, or go, and I'll get to be involved, be a part of its life, and I wan-"

"Want what?" she asked harshly. I just sighed, "When we first started dating again, I told you Amara... I warned you that if I had to pick between Angel and you. I told you I would pick her," I whispered reminding her, not caring that everyone heard me now. The truth was, Declan spelled it out, I couldn't have it all, and especially, not right away... but I could watch my child grow. Angel would need help but, she was caring and loving, and knew how to show love, she tried to show it to me but I was just – she loved on Cody, was understanding with his condition and made him smile. She would be that way with our baby... that child would be okay, Gabriel and Angel, his mate, Declan they would look out for that child but, but inside, even with knowing that, it wasn't enough for me.