Letters To You (A Troyler AU)

Chapter 64

Important: troyler-baby commented and told me that Western Australia Academy or Performing Arts is the VAPA college there and is difficult to get into so I changed UOS to WAAPA

Also there's a paragraph in here that's just like FILLED with Papercut references so....

Troye's POV:

       Silence is so painful.

       I mean, at first I thought the most painful thing was watching Tyler break down in front of me, because of me. I thought he most painful thing to hear was Tyler whimpering and saying "Please just stop this hurts", because I was the one hurting him.

       But no. The most painful thing was the prolonged silence that spoke all the words neither of us could muster. Every second passing made the regret deep within me grow like a wildfire. I was still as confused as ever to what I wanted. Of course I wanted Tyler, that was my answer...I knew that. It's just, I also really did want to go to this school. It meant a huge deal to me. I tugged at my hair, painfully hard but I didn't care.

       "Mr. Mellet can you answer that?" I lifted my head to find my English teacher Ms. Penrod staring at me expectantly. My eyes widened and I shook my head.

       "I'm sorry what?" I questioned and she sighed.

       "Pay attention Troye." She scolded before continuing with the lesson. It's been five days since my last Skype call with Tyler, and he wasn't replying to my texts or picking up my calls. Once her back was to me, I took out my phone and half-hid it under my desk.

       To Tyler: Please...Ty...I just need to talk to you again I'm sorry please...

       I pressed send quickly and slipped it back in my pocket while letting out a huff of breath. Honestly...I missed him. A lot. After another few minutes, the bell finally rang and I slowly placed everything in my bag and walked out of the classroom. I walked down the hallway to the front of the school, but halfway to the doors Dan joined my side. 

       "Hey Troye." He greeted and I gave him a half-hearted smile. He glanced around the room carefully, as though making sure no one was eavesdropping, and then leaned a little closer. "Are you okay? Um...everyone's been kind of wondering..." I parted my lips, to give the usual 'I'm fine', but not a sound came out. I really wasn't fine, or okay, or alright, or good, or even just simply so-so. I felt terrible, like my insides were just curling up around each other. I shut my lips tight and shook my head minisculely, averting my eyes to the floor while we walked. "Uh...I know I'm probably not the best person to talk to but if you want, you can. I'll listen." My mouth lifted up into a genuine smile at his words.

       "Thanks Dan. Um...I'm not really sure what to say though? I mean, I know the problem and I know what's going wrong but I can't pinpoint how I'm feeling about anything." I admitted and he nodded. "Tyler and I were going to move to LA but WAAPA just offered me a possible scholarship." He didn't say anything for a moment.

       "You know, recently Phil and I decided for sure that we are definitely moving to London after school ends." He stated and I raised my eyebrows at his sudden change in topic.

       "Oh um that's great for you two...?" I replied, but it turned into more of a question. Dan chuckled under his breath and shook his head.

       "I wasn't just saying that to be random or anything. I know Phil and I were thinking about it for a while but I didn't think he was 100% serious about moving right after school. We started talking about it and I started panicking really bad. I told him I didn't know if I could do it. Phil doesn't want to leave me of course but I could tell how much London meant to him...how much of a dream it was that he wanted to become reality. Later that night, I was in bed alone at my house and he visited and just held me...um basically that's when I realized I could get past stuff like panicking and existential crisis' as long as I continued my life with Phil. So...uh...all I'm saying is this school might be amazing for you but Tyler might be even better." My mouth was hanging open at his meaningful words as they ran through my mind.