Letters To You (A Troyler AU)

Chapter 39

Tyler's POV:

Love. The concept of the feeling is completely unfathomable.

The feeling, to throw away everything you're used to for another human, to be so intoxicated by someone that you would do just about anything for them, possible or not. Up until now, it's a feeling I never felt, that I never dreamt of meeting with.

For years, I watched every single one of my friends slowly or quickly fall 'in love' with someone, and I laughed at them. I mean, not to their face or anything. Now, I'm not some monster or anything who crushes love, I just never comprehended that the feeling could come upon me.

Even the day I confessed my love for Troye Sivan Mellet, which was to happen any minute now, I didn't know I was in love with him. I mean, why would I love Troye? It's not like there's anything unlovable about him, but I just couldn't grasp the idea. What makes one human so different from the next?

Perhaps, it's the way he listens to me like no one else does. Sure, everyone listens to my words, but that's just what they are. Words. Pieces of air stuck together in different volumes to create something someone would define as a sentence. Not Troye though. Troye heard my words as though he too could feel what I was feeling. He let my words sink in and he remembered them. He remembered things as light to my favorite color or as heavy as my insecurities.

Or maybe it's the fact that he doesn't hold grudges. I had messed up badly, I mean for fucks sake, I kissed the poor guy and then confessed my feelings for him, while he still had a boyfriend! Yet here were are, nearly a month later, and he's talking to me how much my words mean to him.

And damn, I really did want to get over him. I did, I promised him I would try and I meant it, but how could you get over someone when they made you feel something entirely knew? Someone who could literally twist your feeling and emotions in to one of complete exhilaration with mere words? I mean, technically they had nothing to do with you. They couldn't click a button and make you feel head over heels for them, so how did they create that attraction? How do you get over that?

How do I get over Troye?

"Tilly what are you-" Unless, I don't.

"I'm in love with you, Troye." I whispered, feeling sorry and slightly sad, but also euphoric.

"Tyler..." He shook his head. "I'm not ready."

"I'm not asking for you to be. I'm not even asking you to love me back. I'm just telling you to facts." And I was. Just because I said I love you didn't mean he had to say it back. I was telling him how I felt, not claiming anything about him. I quickly hurried to reassure him that it was no big deal he couldn't say it back. "I love you. That's all." I quickly said my goodbye after that, because I was too overwhelmed by my feelings, I physically could not keep talking. I was kind of hesitant to tack the 'my love' at the end of my goodnight, but I decided to. I'm not ashamed of my love for him.

The screen went black and I let out a sigh as a smile took over my features. I didn't even know why I was so happy, it's not like we were in a relationship or anything. I guess it was just the idea that I finally had a word that nearly defined how strong my feelings were for him, and he knew! And what I was doing wasn't wrong. He wasn't seeing anyone and I wasn't forcing him into anything. I love him. That's the gist of it.

I rubbed my hands over my face and giggled giddily. I felt so light. In the middle of my soft laughter, I heard my door creak open.

"Well someone looks happy." My mom said with a grin and I laughed harder. I blushed and the corners of my eyes crinkled a little.

"I just told Troye I love him." I said as though in awe and her jaw dropped.

"You...oh dear what happened?" She wondered and I bit my lip, suppressing a smile.

"He said he wasn't ready." Her face fell and she hurried to wrap her arms around me. "No, no mom it's okay! I'm okay. I'm just happy he knows." I said gleefully, and I felt like she thought I was going crazy, which I wasn't. I just felt so much less stressed. Whether or not we get into a relationship is in his hands now, which is actually kind of selfish, but I didn't mind if he said no forever. Loving him will always be worth it, no matter how it turns out.

"So...you love this boy?" She questioned, sitting down on the end of my bed. I blushed harder and sighed.

"I really do mom." I admitted and she smiled sweetly.

"He's a nice boy. When's the next time you'll see him?" She wondered and for the first time since the call, my smile dropped a little.

"Oh uh...I don't know actually." I shrugged and a weird look came on her face, like there was mirth in her eyes, as though she came up with something. "What?"

"Huh? Nothing, nothing Ty." She assured and laughed awkwardly at the end. "Um so...you guys kissed right? How was that?" She asked, but I could tell she was just trying to change the topic. I raised my eyebrows but decided to not say anything about it.

"Our kiss? It was..." I giggled again and covered my mouth a little, flopping back on the bed. "Mom, he is so perfect in every way possible. There was nothing too much or too little in the kiss and I know it didn't last long or anything but it just was..." I literally felt like squealing as I replayed the memory over and over again in my head.

"He sounds special." She smiled again and then her eyes widened. "Uh I forgot! I have to go do something-run some errands! I'll be right back! Love you Tyler!" She kissed my forehead and then barged out of my room, leaving the door wide open. My face contorted into confusion, stronger than I've ever felt. What the hell just happened?

A-N: Sorry guys I'm having some writer's block. I might speed things up a bit from this chapter, just until they see each other again.

GUYS GUYS GUYS I HAVE A NEW PROJECT!!!! WHOOP WHOOP

SO i'm pretty sure I'm either putting Princes on hiatus or I'm just going to update really irregularly because I'm not sure what I plan for that yet.

INSTEAD, I'm writing a new book called Evanescent and it's a hospital Troyler, but I swear it's not cliche at all! Check it out, I'll be updating my first chapter soon!