S.P. One Shots

Cinnamon Girl |m.r|

TW: depression, attempted suicide, pills, and very little cussing
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I've been working at Saint Lucia hospital for a while now. It's nothing exciting really, it's quite draining but it pays the bills, right? As of recently I've been feeling more and more like it's not worth it. Nothing is really worth it. I overslept for my shift today and I know how I'm going to have to hear it tomorrow.

As I'm laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling I come to a last minute conclusion. I'm just never going back. What's the point? So I can get bitched at and feel even worse about myself than I already do? I glance over at the clock realizing it's 3pm already. I groan and sit up, taking a momentary look at my phone.

7 missed calls. Well it's doesn't matter now, does it? I stand all the way up, having to take home of the dresser. I guess not eating really does have an effect after a while. I shake it off and slightly stumble over to the bathroom. Not even bothering to look myself in the mirror as it's just another reminder of how inadequate I am.

I open the medicine cabinet and look through the various bottles of pills I have. Blood pressure pills, water pills, antibiotics, some to help with sleep, and painkillers. Most of these aren't even mine, I have insomnia but I don't even take the pills anyway. That's beside the point, it's all irrelevant now.

I grab all the bottles except for the water pills since I don't think they'll do anything. I put a glass under the faucet and turn it on, watching as it fills up. I sit on the bathroom floor with the various pills in my hands. "Violet, blue, green, red..." I mumble to myself as I move them around in my hand.

Just do it already. "Give me a minute" I whisper angrily just wanting to take my time for once. I feel cold so I decide to run a nice warm bath. I feel like if I die semi-happy I might not be so sad if there's anything after this. Having a miserable existence AND a depressing afterlife sounds like shit.

Once the bath is full I sit in it, not bothering to take my clothes off. Someone will eventually find me and I don't particularly want to be naked. I take the pills a few at a time, throwing them back with as little water as I can. When they're all gone I set the glass down on the floor next to the tub and sink back.

I sigh as I wait for it to kick in, subconsciously slipping down further into the water. As it covers my face I allow myself to continue until my back is lying flat on the bottom. I open my eyes and look up to see all white, excusing the shower head. I think back on my life and I realize I didn't feel how I thought I was.

I thought I would regret it if I ever went through with it. But here I am... I feel like I've finally been freed from my torment. As I close my eyes I feeling my breathing slow, it scares me at first but I quickly relax. This is what I wanted, right? My heart starts beating faster making my chest feel funny.

This doesn't feel right... before I can do anything I'm being pulling harshly from the water. I gasp for air and frantically look around trying to figure out what's going on. I have no time to access the situation before there's fingers down my throat. I gag and try to push them away but it's not use. They forcefully hold my arms with one of their hands and continue to make me choke.

Eventually I throw up everything causing me to fall back from feeling lightheaded. I feel someone's arms wrap around me protectively and pull me gently to rest on the floor. I hold my throat as it burns from the acid. "Shhh" I hear someone say as I begin to cry. I hold onto them for dear life, I realize I have no clue who my savior is.

I glance up and surprised isn't even the word, "nurse Ratched..." I whisper. She just softly smiles at me and strokes my wet hair out my face. Everything is falling back into place and I abruptly moved away from her. She looks at me concerned and confused all at the same time. "I-I'm soaking wet and you- you... I'm s-so sorry" I say bringing my knees to my chest as I begin to shiver.

"I don't care about that... I care about you" she says reaching out to me and pulling me on her lap. She rubs my back and lightly massages my scalp which calms me down instantly. "I'm so sorry I didn't notice before" she says quietly and I can hear the guilt in her voice. "Don't be. You couldn't have known" I point out to her, "I should've. How could I ever expect..." she stopped herself mid-sentence.

I tilt my head to look up at her curiously and she looks down at me sadly. "Don't cry" I say wiping a single tear that had fallen from her eye. As soon as I said that more started to break through making my chest tighten. This is all because of you idiot. "I'm so-" she stops me by putting a finger to my lips. She slowly drags it away keeping her eyes on me the whole time.

She cups my cheeks with both hands and looks at me very seriously which makes me nervous. "You can't do this again. I mean EVER again. I can't lose you before I even have the chance to ask you to be mine. I don't care how selfish it sounds... you can't leave me y/n. If you go, I go too" she whispers shakily.

"Nurse Ra-" "Mildred" she says softly, she's never let me address her by her first name before. "Mildred... I didn't know you-" I begin to stutter and stop myself to get my thoughts in order. "Why didn't you say anything before? Was it not obvious how in love with you I am? I can't express how much I adore you" I reply looking deeply into her eyes.

"I mean it, baby... please, please, PLEASE. Don't leave me" she whispers and I can tell how hard this is for her. "I promise" I say resting my forehead against hers. "Are you going to-" already knowing what I'm going to say she stops me. "I would never put you in that horrid place. I'll just have to keep my eye on you and I'm more than happy to do that" she says softly smiling at me.

"W-what about my job?" I ask nervously, "fuck that job. I have enough money to take care of us both for the rest of our lives" she says happily. "The rest of our lives?" I ask quietly, "if that's what you want" she replies shyly. "I would love nothing more" I say kissing her passionately.