S.P. One Shots

Don't leave me |c.g|

TW: talks of depression

Cordelia and I are friends, best friends even. We've been practically attached at the hip since she confessed to me that she's a witch. Despite my ever-expanding, endless love for her there are just things I can't tell her. Things I can't really tell anyone. Believe me I so desperately want to but I just know she wouldn't look at me the same.

It's already hard enough knowing she'll never love me the way I love her. Imagine what would come if me telling her about all my issues. She can always sense when I'm off and asks me what's wrong. It's always 'I'm fine' or 'don't worry' because I truly don't want to stress her out more than she already is. Being the supreme is hard, even though I'm not a witch I understand that much.

I haven't seen her in a while, she's been busy which I of course understand. I feel so selfish for wanting her here with me. Just her presence seems to lift my spirits and make me feel like things will be ok. Her smile, the one where she bites her lip a little. Her laugh that sends shockwaves of happiness through my body. Everything about her is perfect and it gets me wondering why she wastes her time with me.

I quit my job simply because I couldn't handle the pressure. My depressive episode came out of nowhere and confined me to my bed. I didn't have a choice but to quit because I know they won't give me time off for 'mental issues'. I hate how people look down on me because of my mental illness. I know it's not the same as being physically sick but it feels the same to me.

I toss and turn trying to get comfortable once again. I really should get up. Take a shower, brush my teeth, maybe get something to eat. I just can't force myself to get from under the covers let alone stand and be productive. I can't remember the last time I ate, took a shower... did anything really. It probably hasn't even been that long but it feels like an eternity.

My phone rings for what seems like the 20th time in the last hour. I finally turn over towards it and glance at the screen seeing its Delia. Usually just the thought of her would make me smile but I turn back over and sigh. I can't bring her into my shit, I'm too deep I just need time to figure it out. The phone rings again, and again, and again, I continue to ignore it until it pisses me off.

"What?" I answer harshly, "well hello to you too" she says sassily. I just lay there staring at the phone lying beside me in silence. "I wanted to see what you were up to? I have some free time and I wanted to see you" she says. "It's not a good time" I reply, "why not?" She asks curiously and I roll my eyes. She seems so innocent all the time and I hate having to explain things I don't even understand myself.

"It's just not" I reply, "ok... when are you free?" she asks softly and I can hear her disappointment. I know she's trying not push as usual but I wish she would. If she only asked I would tell her everything right now. "I don't know" I sigh, "you know I hate to pry... but is everything ok? You don't sound alright" she says nervously. "Yeah I-" "don't lie to me y/n" she says sternly and tears fill my eyes.

"I just can't right now, Delia" I whisper, "I'm coming over" she says promptly. "No I don't-" before I can finish my sentence she hangs up the phone. Within seconds she's standing next to my bed with the most worried look on her face. "Sweetheart..." she says climbing into bed next to me and pulling me into her chest. I start softly crying with turns into sobs and incoherent screams.

"Let it out, honey. I'm here" she whispers in my ear as I hold onto her for dear life. Once I finally calm down I loosen my grip but she still holds me tight as I catch my breath. "That's it... just breathe" she coos and I close my eyes finally relaxing. "You didn't have to come" I say quietly, "of course I did, that's what friends do" she replies. My chest tightens at that word, friends, I know that's all we'll ever be but it hurts.

"Do you feel better?" She asks, I just nod as I release her and pull out of her arms. "Do you want to watch a movie? Or are you tired?" She asks looking into my eyes. You're such an idiot. Why would she ever love you? Stop staring dummy. "No" I say, "no... what?" She asks with a soft smile and her eyebrows raised questioningly. "Nothing... ummm I don't know" I say, "are you sure you're feeling ok? You still seem... out of it" she says.

"Yeah" I respond simply, "y/n I know I've already bothered you enough today I just-" "you could never bother me" I interrupt her. She blushes slightly and looks down at her hands before looking at me again. "I can just tell something is wrong... please talk to me. I just want to help" she pleads. "You can't" I tell her with a sad smile, "try me" she says, quickly intertwining our fingers.

"I'm... in love with you and I know you'll never-" "don't say never" she corrects me. "Well I know that it's probably unlikely you'll ever like me back-" she goes to interrupt me but I stop her. "Just let me finish" I say and she sighs but remains quiet. "You're perfect and I'm so clearly not and you don't deserve to have to deal with all of this. Even as my friend you're now already taking on a lot and imagine the shit you'll take on dating me. I don't want you to do that... I care about you too much to let that happen" I finish.

"Well I care about you too much to let you go on thinking I don't reciprocate those feelings. Y/n... I've loved you for as long as I can remember and it didn't quite make sense at first. I thought maybe... maybe I just had a really great connection with you and it was nothing more. But over time I realized my feelings continued to grow until I felt like I couldn't be separated from you. This time we've spent apart has been so hard for me, all I want is to hold you all the time" she confesses.

I look at her in disbelief at the words that have just spilled out her mouth. "I love you so much" I reply, "and I love you" she says booping my nose making us both giggle. "Cuddles?" I ask in a baby voice, "of course, my love" she says pulling me in her arms. I hold into her tightly as if she could vanish, I mean she actually could. "From now on you tell me everything, and I mean every. little. thing. I don't want you carrying these things alone when I'm here to help you" she states.

"Ok" I sigh as I allow myself to slip deeper into her loving embrace.