Harry's POV
My hopes that sleep would relieve the aching in my chest were crushed when I woke up feeling the same. I was sweating and my heart was still racing. I sat up in the bed and ran a hand through my hair, pushing it back from my damp forehead. Squinting, I glanced at the clock beside my bed.
6:00am.
I stood up and lazily threw on a new tee shirt before making the split second decision to get out of the house. I didn't know where I was going, just that I couldn't stay here.
I was overwhelmed with God knows what. I didn't want to be forced into anything by my mum. I didn't want to have these contradicting feelings toward Bethany. I didn't want to carry this lifeless shell that was my body anymore.
That old, empty feeling had returned stronger than ever. I don't think it every really left, but it had numbed down a bit for a while, and now it was back and smacking me right in the face. I knew I couldn't handle it once again.
Bethany's POV
Around 7:30 am I was woken up by my phone ringing. Although I shouldn't have, I desperately hoped it was Harry.
"Hello?" I answered, my voice sounding hoarse and groggy. I hadn't even checked the caller ID because I was in such a hurry to hear from him. I rubbed my eyes exhaustedly.
"Beth, it's Zayn. Are you with Harry?"
Ok, not what I had expected.
"No, why?" The tone in Zayn's voice worried me and I shot out of bed quickly, pacing the floor.
"Shit. I came over this morning, and he's not here. There's no note. He's not at Andrew's or Niall's." I inferred that Andrew was one of his friends or something. Before freaking out, I took a moment to think. Where would he have gone? After the state he was in last night, I knew he shouldn't have been alone.
"Did anything happen recently?" Zayn asked anxiously.
I sighed. "I was over there yesterday, watching a movie. He told me he'd been drinking all day. He was drinking really early in the morning, and then drank over half a bottle of vodka later in the day. And he fell asleep during the movie and had like a nightmare or something, and the yelled at me and told me to leave." I explained in one breath.
"Do you want to come with me to look for him?"
"Yeah." I agreed too quickly.
Zayn hung up before agreeing to pick me up soon. Hurriedly, I changed my clothes and threw my hair back as fast as I could before going downstairs. My mom was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the paper.
"Hey mom, is it okay if I go out for breakfast with Harry and Zayn?" I lied.
"Yeah sure." She was lenient when it came to me hanging out with my friends, probably because she enjoyed the fact that I finally did. "They're such nice boys. When will you be home?"
"I'm not sure, I'll text you. Thanks. Zayn's on his way already so I'm going to go wait in the living room." I told her and exited the room with the fakest smile. Within a few minutes Zayn showed up. I got into his car and he began to drive.
"Where are we going to check?" I asked.
I could tell by his expression that he was extremely worried. "I don't know. Any suggestions?"
I thought for a moment. He couldn't have gone to a bar, he wasn't 21 yet, and he wasn't at a friend's house, Zayn had already narrowed it down that much.
"What if he just went to visit his parents or something?"
Zayn laughed off my thought. "He'd never."
Where else would Harry go?
Suddenly, an idea dawned on me.
"Go to the park." I told Zayn, remembering the day that Harry and I walked the trail down to the river. It was unlikely, but maybe he was down there. He seemed to enjoy the privacy when we were there. Like I said, it was unlikely but it was all that I could think of.
Zayn didn't question why Harry would go there, and continued to drive. When we arrived, I quickly got out of the car and led Zayn down the trail.
"You two have been here before?"
"Yeah. It's where he first really had a conversation with me." I replied as we walked quickly.
"And if we see him, what do we say?" he asked me as if I knew. I paused. I knew Harry didn't like being confronted.
"Let me talk to him, and I'll wave you over if I need you." I figured that if Harry saw one of his male friends he might feel humiliated or something, and not want to talk. He probably wouldn't want to talk to me either, but it was worth a shot. After his kind attitude the past day or so, except for last night, maybe he would start to open up with me a little.
We reached the river and I continued to walk further along the side of it. Then, I heard someone throwing a rock into the water and whisper something under their breath.
"I'll wait here." Zayn whispered. I nodded and continued, moving around a bunch of small trees and weeds. Then, I saw him standing at the river bank. I tried to be quiet, but he heard my foot slide against the broken rock.
I winced. Why do I have to be so clumsy?
"What the fuck are you doing here?" he said angrily. I was afraid of him, but I couldn't leave him.
"What are you doing here?" I countered.
He scowled at me and then returned his gaze to the water. It flowed down over the rocks softly, creating a soft splashing sound.
"Stop pushing me away." I broke the silence. "I stuck around this long despite your act, I obviously want to be here for you. Why won't you let me?"
As I said the words, I realized how little he had ever let me in. I barely knew him, why did I try so hard to talk to him constantly?
He kicked a rock into the river and then pushed a few stray hairs away from his forehead. Then, he leaned his legs back against a rock that was behind him.
"You can't keep doing this." I told him, raising my voice slightly in an attempt to get through to him.
Harry's eyes narrowed but then widened and he sat down against the rock but he still didn't acknowledge me at all.
"Harry?"
"Shut up!" he shouted suddenly and placed his hands over his ears. I looked closely and noticed that he was shaking slightly. His breathing started to quicken.
"Zayn!" I cried in panic. I didn't know if Harry was having some sort of anxiety attack, but whatever it was seemed severe.
Zayn ran over quickly. He looked down at Harry who's eyes were now shut tightly. For some reason, Zayn appeared to be unphased. "This started happening a while ago, before he went into rehab for the first time. After that, they got even worse. But it's never happened anywhere except at home. He seemed okay from what I heard for a week or so. I really hoped he was doing better." He sighed.
"Rehab?" I asked. What was he talking about?
"Oh, I'm sorry... I assumed you knew. I-"
"No it's okay. How do we help him?" I dropped the matter quickly, not wanting to invade Harry's privacy. It was for him to tell me if he ever wanted to, not one of his friends.
"We can't. We've tried so much, and nothing helps but to let it pass." Zayn said sadly.
Hearing that this sort of thing happened to Harry so often not only shocked me, but it also made me really upset. I didn't want him to go through that, he didn't deserve it. No one did. I didn't want to sit there and watch him in such a bad state, so I approached him gently and sat beside him.
"I'll go to the car and let you try to talk to him. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, thanks." I appreciated that he was giving me time to try to help Harry. Zayn reminded me not to hesitate to call him if I needed help, and left.
"Harry?" I whispered to him gently. He began to shake even more and breathe heavier. At this point, he was basically hyperventilating. I was afraid to make it worse, but at the same time I didn't want to just sit here and watch him go through this alone.
"It's Beth, I'm right beside you. I'm just gonna touch your hand lightly, okay?"
I read once that if someone was having a panic attack and you wanted to help them, you should always warn them of what you're going to do before you do it. It reminds them that they that are still in control.
After I placed my hand on his, I gently ran my thumb up and down.
"No! Please!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. I flinched backward. He was so vulnerable in that moment, and it made my heart ache for him.
"I'm sorry." I really had no clue what to do. "Harry, please listen if you can. Just take a slow breath. You're alright." I said as soft as I could.
He shook his head. It was in that moment that I decided I wouldn't bring this up later unless he did. I didn't want to make him feel embarrassed or pressured to talk about it if he wasn't ready.
After sitting there, unsure of what to do for a few moments, I put my hand on his back. "Is this okay?" I asked. He didn't scream or shake his head, so I lightly ran my hand up and down.
"Mum!" he shouted randomly.
"No, it's Bethany. Look, open your eyes, it's okay." I coaxed. After a few seconds, he took a breath and surprisingly did as I said. His eyes scanned my face rapidly. When he realized it was me in front of him, his expression changed somehow. I continued to rub his back as I sat there, reminding him that he was safe.
Within a few minutes, his breathing slowed and he stopped shaking as much. He continued to look at me, his eyes darting around.
"Are you alright?"
He nodded his head.
"Do you want to go home?"
"I, uh. Yeah, yeah. Let's go." he answered ever so quietly.
"You can take a minute to sit first if you need." I told him. He was so shaky, I didn't want him falling over.
He stood up anyway and paused for a moment with a deep sigh.
"Take my hand." I told him. I wanted him to feel safe and steady.
He gave me a confused look, but then intertwined his hand with mine. We walked slowly back to Zayn's car with our heads down. Zayn didn't talk about the incident, and neither did we.
"So, I'll take you home then Beth?" Zayn asked as he began to drive.
As I said, "Yes please," Harry breathed out a small, "No." I smiled at the idea that he wanted me to stay with him.
"Okay, uh, you'll come over for a bit then?" Zayn asked for confirmation.
"I guess, if that's okay."
The whole ride home, Harry kept his eyes fixed on whatever was outside the window. I really wanted to tell him that he shouldn't be embarrassed, but I didn't want to bring it up.
We arrived at Harry's house and Harry quickly disappeared into his bedroom, leaving Zayn and I in the kitchen. I was slightly disappointed, because I wanted to sit with him, but I tried not to show it.
"Would you like a drink?" Zayn asked.
I shook my head. "No, thank you."
"I'm exhausted, let's go sit down." he said with a sigh.
When I thought of it, I was really tired too. It was now almost 9:00 am, and I had slept horribly the night before. I woke up countless times and just couldn't get comfortable.
I laid down on the couch and tried to keep myself awake as I waited for Harry to come back. When I looked up, I saw that Zayn had already fallen asleep, and not long after that, I did too.
~A/N~
Hey there :)
I know some of this chapter is sappy and dramatic and stuff but I want to move the story along a bit, so I hope it's not too cliché or anything like that! I'm thinking I may update again over the weekend because I have a bit of the next chapter started already!
Did you enjoy this bit? I hope you all did, please comment your thoughts/predictions/suggestions/ or even just random questions for me because I looooove hearing from my beautiful readers. 💖
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-Noelle 💕