Kiersten|
Now that school was finally over, a lot of my stress disappeared. Never in a million years would I imagined going trough so many traumatic events, one after another. All that I could express was how happy things had been turning out in the present. The softball girl who struggled immensely due to substance abuse, has been doing extremely well which made me proud. In my heart, I always knew she could get somewhere if she really tried to push herself. Once in a while, Skylar would come over to my place for dinner or hanging out, and we slowly started to become super good friends. Both her and I knew that the two of us just didn't match well when it came to romance. With the slightly taller girl still recovering, there was no way she could force upon feelings that she didn't feel anymore. I think when I lost my memory, her having superior powers over me, excited her and now that I'm not as oblivious anymore, she felt as if I had been out of her league.
For me, that wasn't the case at all. Sometimes people have to experience how they work together before being quick to start a relationship and I took a shot, thinking something grand would happen. It did though, just not in the way I would of imagined. Nonetheless, everything happens with a purpose and I wouldn't trade the friendship we were building for anything else. After forgiving the words she used on me at Dianna's party months ago, Skylar really made an effort to mend whatever conflicts that I as well as her family, had towards her. It wasn't my idea to not date, but hers because deep down, she knew those feelings of love she had towards me, weren't real. It was a facade for a character she portrayed me to be and wanted me to stay as which we both knew was unhealthy. I also knew that my feelings towards her were unfair since I was trying to force something to happen for her own benefit without taking mine in consideration.
Skylar Cadwell was finally happy with herself and that was as good as it was going to get for me when it came to her.
Without the softball girl playing a huge role withing my high school era, I don't think I would have learned the importance of what many people go through within the world we live in. Sure, Skylar's problems were not as severe as mine since there were choices she could of chose to correct the various mistakes made, but that didn't mean her journey was any easier. She was toxic, we were toxic, everything about was had been so unhealthy, I had been simply thankful we could even bare a friendship. I was glad she turned into someone better, I really was.
I just wish the positivity she was feeling, could reflect onto me as well; it was needed.
Since I broke Heidi's heart a while back, I had been a complete emotional wreck, all in secrecy. No one knew about my feelings because I hid them well, even Kennedy thought I lost interest in the basketball star since the star herself told my sister everything that happened. It was so weird to me how they remained having such a great relationship despite the fact that I ruined things. The last few months since that day was brutal, especially when I'd see her in the hallways. She'd always hang her head down low, pretending I was nonexistent. There were a few times I found her tearing up, talking to her teammates about the feelings she felt while I was in the locker room during opened gyms. If you could just imagine the sound of complete silence with one voice breaking through it, filled with devastation, failure to comprehend, and anxiety mixed all into one, I'm sure you'd feel nothing but empathy.
When I made my decision to leave her, I felt as if she'd be the strong girl I pictured her to stay as. Heidi barely ever cried, if she did, it would never be in front of anyone but me. The fact that she expressed the feelings of fragility in front of her whole team, hurt me. I didn't think I would be that much of a concern towards her because I always felt like I loved her more than she loved me. Yet, maybe I interpreted my actions of doing more, mistakenly since everybody expresses their love differently. While I had been more of the girlfriend to come up with scavenger hunts and huge presents, especially the ones that grasped attention, Heidi was the type to do the small things. Thinking about it now, every time she asked for me to eat or would cook, was like an 'I love you'.
Seriously? I can't believe I ruined things once again. Why couldn't someone keep me from always trying to please everyone? Who gave me such a detrimental yet caring conscious.
As I watched the graduates walk out on the football field that had been set up like an auditorium, I waited until my eyes reached her. She was so much taller than all of the other girls, wearing a white graduation cap and gown. Kennedy and I were here to see Dianna graduate, but what my sister didn't know... I was really here just to watch Heidi. I knew that today was going to be the last day I saw her and I would never get to see her once again unless we'd cross paths somehow. Her pretty red hair was curled a bit, so long and flowy, she looked very mature. There was a light shy smile on her face and you's think she'd be used to all of the attention she receives but she wasn't. Her demeanor always came off as shy and sensitive. What I put her through, I wanted nothing more but to run up and disrupt the whole entire ceremony just to hug her and tell her and apologize for all that I did... That was extremely unrealistic though.
Not surprised, when the gradates were all settled in their seats, the talented athlete had beenasked to come fourth on the stage so that she could be presented with a sports award. She looked nearly petrified once the mike had been handed to her so that she could project a speech.
"Okay, wow. I did not expect this at all..." she laughed lightly out of nervousness. I couldn't help but smile at the sound of her voice, it's been months since I've heard it clearly. "I just wanted to thank my friends and family for all of their support. The coaches and my teammates. Most of all, all of the people who came to our [the basketball team's] games. You know, without you I don't think basketball would be as fun. A lot of the energy you see comes from the crowd and for that, thank you. I've been going though a rough time at the moment but, standing here and feeling blessed to be a Montana commit, makes me feel like a special girl. Thank you." She grabbed the framed award and sat back down.
It was hard not knowing how like was like for her at the moment. I was so used to being knowledgeable on every aspect of her life. We used to be inseparable though communication, always texting about our day to one another. My accident just had to ruin everything, didn't it?
"I really can't believe she's not going to be here next year" Kennedy sighed. "But good for her, she's going to explore something other than SoCal and maybe she'll even find someone special."
The thought of Heidi falling in love with someone else, made me feel extremely uncomfortable. She may not be mine, but she's mine. "Yeah, good for her" I lied.
After the ceremony had finished, Kennedy and I walked over to see the now, alumni of Orange County High School.
"Congrats Big D!" my sister let out as she hugged the former cheerleader. "Now you get to go and chase actual big college Ds."
"You're disgusting" Dianna replied with a laugh. "But thank you, you guys have always been the closest girls to sisters and I'm really going to miss you."
"Truth, U Mich is hella far!" Kenny exclaimed while pulling Heidi in for a group convo. "Alright bitches, so no matter what, you hoes are gonna text me and keep me updated on everything okay? I don't want you to pull a full on forget where I came from stunt because I'll find your ass and im going to toast you for not being loyal."
As my older lookalike was speaking, I kept staring at the basketball player who had Kennedy's full and undivided attention. "Hey" I let out softly to her. The tall red head glanced over at me accidentally and then back to the speaker. "Superstar?"
"Not now." She replied inaudibly back, signalling for me to stop bothering her. "Not ever."
The inside of my core hurt, I hated how upset she was but if she broke up with me for someone else, I think my reaction would of been a lot more dramatic. The fact she was leaving our whole state, her hometown, was enough to make my eyes gloss. A huge part of me felt like she was going to leave me and our past behind in order to mend her heart. I guess for now, I'll just have to keep telling myself 'if it's meant to be, fate will work his mysterious ways to guide us in the right direction'.
Heck, if Skylar Cadwell can end up toxicity free, then a miracle isn't impossible for me.
Looking at how her blueish green eyes sparked from the sunlight, "Promise me one thing."
"Pardon me?" She still failed to make eye contact.
Whatever I wanted to say, this was the last chance I'd get; I couldn't screw this up now.
"No matter what, you do your best at school and athletics." My voice was slow from exhaustion. "Make sure you eat healthy and make your happiness a priority above everyone else's..." Trying my best to keep myself from falling apart, "Always smile that pretty smile and know that I am proud of you."
I wanted to say how much I loved her as well but I knew that would hurt her more so I discontinued. "Alright" she replied with an unreadable tone. All that my sister had been rambling about, never made it into my mind; it seemed like she was finished though. "Goodbye Kiersten."
My past lover walked towards her family who embraced their relative in cheerful hugs. 'Goodbye Kiersten' were the last words I was ever going to hear from Heidi Starr.
"Hey, snap out of it!" Kennedy laughed. Her fingers made snapping sounds right in front of the tip of my nose. "Did you even hear what I said?"
"No?"
"Your sister suggested that we go on a shopping spree for summer bikinis!" the blonde voiced.
With my insides feeling weak from the absence of love, "Oh, okay."
Today had been a permanent lost of someone grand and I strongly believe that my body was so in shock, I felt nothing... once again.
Surreal is how I'd describe it.
| End of Chapter Forty Five |
[A/N]: My cat is snoring next to me at the moment and OH MY GOSH she's so fudging cuteee. Also, that's a real picture up there of real life "Heidi". xxx - Melody
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