Pulling up the covers, Audrey struggles to fight back against the memories that keep appearing in her mind. Things from years ago pop up and she remembers her parents, screaming for Ralph to take her and run. She remembers the fire and the destruction that followed the demise of the Holt clan. She remembers what it was like losing Roman. She remembers the fear that constantly followed her wherever she and her brother went. Traveling by night and sleeping in hidden bushes by day, her brother was the only saving grace she had that kept her from her own nightmares and from the rogues that threatened to take advantage of her. She tries to forget those days but recent events won't let her. They keep coming up, preventing her from sleeping and making her more paranoid than ever.
She knows she safe. She knows that everyone has returned to their rightful places - everyone for the most part. But being Iota and having a sensitive wolf like her own, she can still hear the last thoughts of the allies that died, however few they were. As relieving as it is that most of them made it out, the dead's voices remain in her head and her wolf is doing nothing to help. Nathan's scent is around her but even that isn't soothing the beast thats been locked away in her mind for years.
There's a reason Audrey locked away her wolf asides from the obvious reason of hiding her identity. Her wolf is a sensitive creature, more sensitive than most. Not only can she see and communicate with other wolves without the human's consent or knowledge, but she can pick up on both the beast's and human's thoughts from miles away. All she has to do is see them once and her wolf will automatically connect. If it's an Alpha she connects with, the beast connects with his pack through his link with them. If it's a Luna, it's the same. All Audrey's wolf needs is to see them once and she saw every Alpha allied with them during the meetings. It's proved to be useful but it also has its downfalls and this is one of them.
Ralph understands her wolf. He's the only one who gets how sensitive her spirit friend is. He and his wolf are the only ones who have been able to calm the beast until Nathan. But Nathan has no clue about her sensitivity. It isn't that Audrey doesn't want him to know. It's just that she doesn't know how to explain it. It's not a normal trait and it's one that hasn't been heard of since the first generation of werewolves centuries ago. Plus, Nathan is already so protective of her. If he discovers how sensitive she really is, he'll never rest. He'll always fear for her safety both mentally and physically. She doesn't want to trouble him more than she has to.
Attempting to talk herself into calming down, Audrey grips the blankets and inhales the scent of her mate that's been imbedded into the material. It comforts her a little but it only holds back the memories and the fear and the echoes for a few seconds before they beat her. She tries to keep a control on the link. She knows her behavior isn't doing anything to help her pack and she doesn't want them to worry uselessly over her when they've just gone through a rough battle.
The image of Millis being attacked comes to the front of her mind and Audrey flinches, letting out a small whimper. If only she could have hold on just a little longer. If she could have just stayed strong for an hour more, she wouldn't have forced Colt to release her and her head guard wouldn't have been distracted by her to get injured. She couldn't hold on though. Those prisons brought forth so much memories and so much pain, her scars ached. Karmen helped a little but the omega had no idea how much that building terrifies Audrey.
Audrey doesn't blame Nathan for what he did, despite the consequences. He did what any Alpha would in a time of war, unknowing of who his mate was. She understands that and she understands it's in the past and there's no use trying to fight it or harbor hatred for it. It happened and that's that. But being in that place, remembering the pain of being tortured, hearing her pack members beg for mercy on her behalf and hearing them give up everything they know to protect her - she couldn't do it. Her body is still shaking as if it happened only an hour ago, as if she was tortured only sixty minutes ago. Her scars ache and are more sensitive to her fingers brushing over them.
She couldn't hold onto the strength to stay in that prison building any longer. She had to get out and getting out injured Millis. It's all her fault.
Letting another shiver consume her body, Audrey throws the blanket away in frustration. Nathan's scent isn't doing anything to calming her down and her beast is on the verge on insanity. Between anguish, grief and anger, the wolf doesn't know if she wants to cry all night or hunt down the ones responsible for harming her people. And quite honestly, Audrey wants nothing more than to tear into R's throat herself and that thought alone terrifies her. She's never killed before. She's injured and she's fought but she has never taken someone's life away. But with the way her beast feels, the way things are going, for Wolf Country, for her pack and family, for her mate...Audrey would if she could. And that's terrifying to her.
Giving up on sleep and trying not to barf up the soup Karmen made her eat, Audrey stumbles out of the bedroom. The house is eerie, quiet and dead like without a sound echoing. She wonders if the entire pack is sleeping or if they are all avoiding her. In the distance, she can hear soft snores and she knows its the first. But there's also something agonizing echoing through the house. Muffled screams of pain and pleas reach her ears and her knees start to shake. She knows one of those voices and it doesn't nothing but make her shake even more.
Rushing down the stairs, Audrey feels a sicker poison fill her up. All she can do is follow her ears until she reaches the center of the house where all of the Moore medical equipment is placed. It's also the place where Rachel, Luke's mate has been resting peacefully in her coma. But with the haunting pleas that are coming from the room, Audrey isn't sure if that's the case anymore.
The door is opened. The Moore wolves that guard Rachel are standing there in awe, looking into it in silence. They wear expressions of fear, shock and anguish and their wolves are angry. Barely noticing her, she slips in front of them and freezes in the door way.
Luke is on a bed, wires attached to his arms and hooked up to machines. One of them echoes the pattern of his heartbeat while another is constantly making beeping noises. The pack doctors are around him, trying to stop the bleeding of a bad wound in his torso. His usual tanned skin is pale, paler than hers and his mouth is held open while they stuff a tube down his throat to help him breathe. There's a sheet covering his lower half and they've ripped off the necklace he always wears whether in wolf form or not. The metal chain is sitting in a metal tray, stained in blood and Audrey sinks to her knees.
At the side of the room, kneeling on her bed, Rachel is fighting against two doctors, begging to be let free. Her long blonde hair is a tangled mess around her and there are tears streaming down her face as she cries out to Luke. Audrey can't hear the Crowe Luna's cries to Fenrir, begging him to save Luke but she can feel her anguish and her wolf's pain and it makes her sick.
"Luna!"
One of the guards has grabbed her arm, begging her to stand up so he can take her away. Audrey doesn't fight back but she can barely move. The only thing she can do is to turn away to release the fluids that stir in her stomach. All she can think about is that Luke is dying and it's all her fault. She should've stayed hidden. She should've stayed with Blaze and Jasper, away from Wolf society, away from Nathan and the Moores and Luke. She should've kept her identity hidden from Simon. She should've stayed in the prison cells that night during the war. She should've let Nathan kill her. She should've never survived long enough to cause this mess. Everything is her fault. Everything surrounds her and she's so sorry.
Warmth spreads through her arm and Audrey is hoisted up into a pair of stronger arms. They carry her as if she weighed nothing and she limply relaxes into their hold, crying onto their naked chest. The echoes and cries of Rachel and the beeping noises of the Luke's machines fade out and Audrey silently screams in pain. She doesn't know who is carrying her or maybe she does and isn't wanting to acknowledge them. She doesn't know where they're taking her. She just hopes that wherever it is, it's far away from all of this.
Warmth brushes over her and there's a light breeze that makes her shiver. She presses herself closer to her carrier, her chest aching and her head pounding. The tears won't stop pouring and she hears her wolf howling in her mind, begging to be let loose.
It takes an hour at least, she thinks, before she calms down. When she looks around her, she finds herself outside. Weary and exhausted, she sits up until she recognizes the edge of the Moore territory just before it turns into Sullivan lands, away from anyone else. She's surrounded by trees, close to the edge of the cliffs. The sun is filtering in through the leaves above her and the breeze makes them moan, a soothing sound that she recognizes from the many days spent sleeping in the woods. Her eyes are heavy and she wipes away the smeared tears, trying to stop a new wave from coming on as her mind conjures up the past. Turning to see who's brought her here, she finds herself in her brother's embrace. His dark eyes look over her calmly as his hand brushes through her hair.
"Calm down." He tells her sternly, his Kappa force pouring over her. She knows it's not her that he's ordering but her wolf. The woodland creature wants nothing more than to let loose and roam until all of her anguish is gone and Audrey is struggling to hold her back. Ralph's influence helps.
Audrey cuddles into her brother, seeking his warmth. He's not normally a comforting type of person but she knows that for her, he's willing to do pretty much anything. They're the only family they have left - asides from Audrey having Nathan and Blaze. Regardless of them though, Ralph is and will always be highly protective of her.
"I hate this."
"Where's your mate?" He asks instead of acknowledging her words in an attempt to distract her. "I'm going to behead him. He should be keeping an eye on you."
She sniffles, ignoring his threat. "Ralph."
"I know, Audrey." He kisses her head and wipes away her tears. "There's nothing you could have done that would have changed anything. What happened, happened."
That's one of the many lessons her brother's taught her. What's happened happened and there isn't anything she can do about it. All she can do is act in the present and try to avoid making mistakes but there's no use anguishing over the past.
"It just hurts so much..." She mumbles against his shoulder, gripping him for comfort. Her brother hugs her back, letting her cry out the new wave of tears.
"Everything's alright. Wolf Country is cleansed and safe. Your pack and the Sullivan pack is safe. Luke will be fine and Rachel is awake. You're safe." He whispers. "And your mate is freaking out about your whereabouts right now."
She lets out a snort but it doesn't lift her mood any. "I need him, Ralph."
"He's on his way." He tells her, squeezing her against his side while letting out a low growl. "I don't want you to leave his side once he gets here. If you do, it's to stick with me - at least until you've calmed down. I don't want your wolf to go insane on you."
She nods. "Okay."
"And stop bringing up the past. I can hear your thoughts better than you think. Just because I don't acknowledge them doesn't mean that the link isn't there. It's not your fault. And this would've happened with or without you. It's meant to happen. It's Fenrir's will and you and Nathan will bring peace. Just hold on a little longer and wait." He orders her and again she knows he's talking to her wolf as well.
"None of this would have happened if I didn't come out..."
Ralph growls again. "And if you didn't come out, war will still be constant among the packs. Audrey, you're doing good. The packs have allied together under your reign for peace and they trust that you and Nathan will bring it. Cleansing the country of it's filth is just a fast way of doing that. And with R trying to change things up, we can't afford to lose hope. R's army has been cut down tremendously. He doesn't pose nearly as much of a threat now and Wolf Country can function as it should. That gives hundreds of wolves hope. And you've made that happen when you came out. The deaths of the few outweigh the lives of many."
"But it's the deaths of the few that hurts so much..." Audrey whimpers. "Mates died, Ralph. Sons, daughters, children, siblings....they were someone important to someone else and they're gone now. So suddenly. And I know everything about their death."
Ralph lets out a loud sigh and Audrey can sense the irritation behind it. He's not irritated with her but with the situation. There's nothing he could say or do to change the fact that Audrey sensed everything about the victims. Death isn't new to either sibling but for Audrey, it's something that she doesn't just get used to like Ralph. She can't adapt to it. It's not in her nature to. Death is haunting for her and having a wolf like hers makes it ten times as worse. There is only one case when death didn't haunt her and that was when Roman died. Of course, that's only because he didn't actually die but as for the rest of the Holts, Audrey sensed their deaths. It took her nearly six months before she could move on. And she knows that Ralph hates that he can't do anything for her but comfort her. He can't stop it. He can't command her wolf to shut it off. He, much like she does, simply has to deal with the fact that it is what it is.
"You should know they didn't die in vain then." Ralph says, looking down at her. "Remember their deaths, Audrey. How did they die? Were they murdered in cold blood? Or did they sacrifice themselves to protect their friends and family? Did they die because they were at the wrong place and wrong time? Or did they go to the fight knowing they might not make it out for the sake of their packs and Wolf Country? How did they die Audrey?"
She whimpers, trying to hold back the tears as Ralph questions her harshly. With every new question, Audrey sees and feels another death of another wolf. She sees them jumping in front of their comrades, taking a major blow from a rogue. She sees them fighting for their lives ferociously until they draw their very last breath. She sees an Alpha take on three alpha rogues on his own, taking them down before he gave up. She sees them all fighting a valiant fight, proving Ralph's point. They knew what they were doing. They knew what they were getting themselves into. They knew what will most likely happen but even knowing all of this, they still went through with it. For the sake of Wolf Country. For the sake of their packs. For the sake of their family. For themselves. They went through it all knowing what they were sacrificing and what for. Willingly and proudly.
Ralph let her cry on his shoulder again, holding her there in silence as she lets it out. His words were harsh but his point is accurate and despite not liking it, Audrey knows that given the chance, they probably would do it again. She would if she were in their position.
"For Fenrir's sake, don't do that to me." Nathan growls out as he stalks through the trees wearing dark jeans. His torso is cleaned of blood but his eyes are tired, drooping with dark shadows.
"If I kept her there, everyone would see her weaknesses." Ralph growls back. "And being so close to Luke right now isn't good for her."
Audrey shivers as the scene of Luke and Rachel plays again in her head. Ralph growls at her at the same time as her mate, both highly aware of her thoughts. Nathan moves closer, his scent filling up Audrey with a newfound need and she leaves her brother's embrace to settle into her mate's. Leaning back against a tree as he sits on the dirt, Nathan kisses her head and holds her tightly against him. She rests against his chest, listening to his heart and his breathe as it leaves and enters his body. She finds herself mimicking it, trying to focus on that and draw away the nightmares of reality that threaten to drive her insane. With his presence and her brother's, her wolf calms down enough for Audrey to get a better bearing on herself.
"You should've gotten here sooner." Ralph reprimands him, staring at Audrey closely with a frown.
"I got here as soon as I could only to find her not where she should be." Nathan scolds back, glaring at her protective brother.
"Please guys. Not now." Audrey begs sleepily, cuddling closer to Nathan's warmth. His hand runs down and up her back while he grips her close, attempting to comfort her.
"Are you okay?" Nathan whispers in her ear, making her shiver.
"She'll be better soon." Ralph answers for her. "Her wolf is highly sensitive."
Audrey bites back at growl, opening her eyes and warning her brother with a glare.
"Sensitive?" Nathan looks over her with concern, an expression that he doesn't really show in the presence of others.
"Audrey hasn't told you because she doesn't know how to explain it with you freaking out." Ralph ignores his sister and stands up with a stretch. "Once her wolf has seen another, she can connect to them regardless of a pack link. It's a trait one of the first Kappas had. Because of it, she can sense when someone's died."
Nathan lets out a growl, squeezing Audrey closer to him. Ralph doesn't need to explain anymore and with one more glance at his sister, he takes his leave.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Nathan asks after a moment of silence. His voice is a rumble under a deep growl of frustration and his strong hands tighten their grip on her. "I hear everything from someone else when it comes to you."
Kissing his chin as an apology, Audrey cuddles into his neck. "I know you already worry about me and I thought I'd be okay. I was going to tell you after everything passed."
"That's why you could communicate with my wolf before we mated." Nathan realizes with a sigh. "Is there anything else I need to know about? Could you sense the deaths of the rogues?"
"No. I can only sense those I've seen. If they're an alpha of a pack, I can connect with their pack link and sense those connected to it. Asides from that and communicating with wolves without their human partners knowing, I can only use an Iota force. And only with the blood bond can I take Simon's pain away although he won't let me." Audrey explains, sitting up and looking at him. Nathan's eyes are dark and he's scrutinizing her with a stern expression. Her chest aches as he looks at her like that and she traces his jaw in hopes of calming him down.
"There's nothing else?" He asks. "If you keep something from me again, Audrey, I will punish you for it. There's absolutely nothing else that I need to know about you? No other blood bonds or kin? No other deals or promises with alphas? No other weird traits you possess? If you lie to me again, you will regret it."
Audrey's mind freezes at the word again. She tries to think of the last time she's lied to him and it quickly comes to mind. It was when they finally accepted each other, after he found out about Simon's blood bond to her. He asked about anything else and she said there was nothing but then Blaze came and she had to explain how they were related. Then she forgot to tell him that his mark didn't mean anything until she marked him and officially accepted their bond. That was unintentional but technically, she did lie to him. And then she lied while she was training with Millis. She attempted to hide the bruises and keep it all under wraps but he found out. His threat only made her fearful after realizing how many times she lied to him since accepting him. And it hurts.
Heart sinking in her chest and fear gripping her, Audrey wraps herself around him, clinging onto him as if he'll disappear at any second. "I promise that that's it. Only one blood bond with Simon, my only kin is Ralph and Blaze, Roman was the only one I was promised too and my wolf is sensitive to others. I can accept yours and Simon's pain but that's it. I swear to you. Oh, and should I ever get pregnant, Iota's are extremely emotionally sensitive and weaker than usual...Um, I can't think of anything else but if I do, I promise you I will tell you right away. I swear it."
Nathan stays silent for a long moment as she clings onto him. Her nails are digging into his shoulder fearfully and she feels a fit of tears threatening to spill over as her heart sinks more and more. Then Nathan wraps his arms around her waist and holds her closer, kissing the mark on her neck and she feels relief. Staying close to him, he has open access to her mind and growls lowly as he sees her previous thoughts.
"They died for their country and kin, Audrey." He sternly tells her, his grip gradually tightening and his voice gradually getting deeper and more husky as his wolf starts to join him. "Nothing you could have done in the past would change that. Everyone dies eventually and what we're doing is providing a future for the next generation. Everyone is fighting for that willingly. Do not blame yourself for that. And don't you ever, ever dare to think that I should have killed you back then."
She cries silently, nodding her head and Nathan doesn't say anything more. He understands her need to let it out and he understands that she just needs him to be there. As much as she needs him to let her do this, he also needs to hold onto her. The fear he felt when he walked into their room to find her missing is still sitting at the bottom of his chest, throbbing like a sickness that spreads throughout his body. He's already lost her once and he almost lost her quite a few times before and after that. He can't stand the thought of having to go through it once again.
After a much needed break from everyone, Audrey knows that they needed to get back to the pack house. She knows that she needs to get herself together enough and be there for them all as the Luna and Iota they deserve. Nathan reluctantly lets her go and stands up with her. Keeping her close, they walk silently back towards the pack house, both eager to put the past behind them and move forward to focus on the present. As Audrey's hand is tucked into Nathan's larger one, she squeezes it, thankful for his presence and knowing that with him, she'll get through this.
They will achieve peace if not for future generations, for the past. For those that didn't make it and fought until their very last breathes. She's going to keep moving forward until they achieve that and in her mind, her wolf agrees, no matter the cost.