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I was looking out at the swishing scenery that kept flying past me. It was sick. How the whole world kept going on, when time had completely stopped for me. I was only a doll, on that same position, looking out for what I thought was eternity.
Soon I started to recognize the scenery. Black and white, once again. It didn't take long when the train stopped until I reached my destination. I was running with all my might after all. The depressing door automatically opened, letting me into the white building. I ran until I found that same room like last time. "Mom!!!" I shrieked in panic.
There was no one there. No one that was connected to me at least. All I saw was an old woman, sleeping on a bed with hundreds of strings attached to her arms and neck. A nurse grabbed me from behind with a furious look. " What are you doing here?!" she whispered, trying to hold her anger in control along with her volume.
"My mom isn't here!!!" I cried out loud. She dragged me out of that room holding my wrist, shushing me as much as she could even though she knew how panicked I was.
"Keep you voice down. Who is your mom?"
"Laura Melany." I was looking around, trying to find her light brown hair somewhere.
"Laura?" she repeated. "Laura is just fine."
"No, I got a text from you saying that my mom is back here because of an urgent issue with her health!" I practically yelled at her, still unable to control myself.
"Laura Melany went home several weeks ago." She was stubborn.
"You have clearly missed something, because that was last time mom came here because of anemia, but she just recently went to the emergency room!"
We kept fussing. I was losing time. I was losing mom's time. I wasn't well collected, even imagining slapping the nurse. "What's with this commotion?!" another nurse broke us apart when I grabbed her arm.
"This girl is crazy!!! She says that Laura Melany has been taken into an emergency room, but that was weeks ago!" the nurse shrieked, not even considering that I was next to her.
"I'll take over here." she hushed her and gestured her to leave to do her business.
"Your service here sucks." I mumbled, which she didn't seem to care about. The nurse was looking at me with eyes I had seen before. I recognized them well, suddenly realizing that she was the nurse who was taking care of mom when she had anemia. It was her. She had to know where mom was. "Do you know where my mom is?"
"Laura isn't here."
"So she's fine? Did she recover fast and return home?"
"No. Laura was never here." she said, with an obvious intonation, as if I wouldn't understand otherwise. I kept tapping the floor beneath me, completely stressed out. And confused, of course. She was wrong. It was probably the wrong nurse. I grabbed my pockets, looking for my phone in hurry. When I finally got a hold of it, I tapped it to find the message.
"This is what I got." I showed her, reading the text over and over. At the very end of the text was a last greeting to emphasize who it was. Maria.
"That's me. Maria."
"Why did you send me this if mom wasn't here?" She was looking somewhere. By somewhere, I meant everywhere except of my face. I could see it immediately in her face. What she had done. There was an obvious guilt all over her face. She had done it on purpose. Even though mom wasn't there.
"That was not sent by me. You've got it all completely mixed up. I never sent that." Avoiding eye-contact. She didn't even dare to look straight into my eyes when talking to me.
"Why?!" I yelled out. She was looking behind her. Behind me. To make sure that there was no one near to see her embarrassment. She didn't even take me seriously, which I couldn't bare; it was like yelling at a wall. Her hair was more interesting to look at, because it couldn't avoid me. Her stupid white robe was more interesting. So was her name tag. Maria Hunkt.
I had figure it all out, being utterly unable to speak at all. She finally managed to tear off her eye contact with whatever it was, and directed it to me. Except that I wasn't having an even slight of a bit attention left for her. Because I was the one who could be blamed the most. Because I had ruined everything for myself. "I get it now." I started to laugh hysterically. It wasn't even funny, but it was all over anyway.
"I'm really sorry, Audree... But I can't help it..." she mumbled, trying to embrace me in pity. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me. I didn't want to stay there in front of her.
"Don't touch me." I hunched back, trying to get as far from her as possible. "You haven't really thought about what you have done, have you?"
"I'm truly sorry, I didn't realize that it was for something like this!" She tried to get closer to me, with her palms slowly moving to me, as if it would make me calmer. It didn't. I knew exactly what was going on.
"You haven't raised Clair in a good way." I toned down my real words so that I wouldn't sounding as harsh. Nevertheless, it still sounded like I was the bad guy. She flinched, like she didn't know what I was saying.
"What are you talking about?!" she raged at me. She was acting like she was innocent.
She was Clair's mom. Who helped Clair to sabotage for me. I could finally connect the scenes and words that had confused me all along. Clair when she was obsessed with her phone. Texting her mom to help her out. Clair's obvious self-confidence.
I burst out in tears when I kept repeating that scene over and over. I had ruined everything. I turned my back to Maria, refusing to face her with my tears out in the world.
"No, because whether you like it or not, I can insure you that you won't win. 100%." Clair's voice echoed all over. Bouncing from wall to wall. entering my consciousness more than enough.
Clair was right. I couldn't win. I lost.
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