I sat down with the shoebox in my hands, the word Polaroids written in sharpie on it.
I opened the box to see photo after photo, and my hand flew to my mouth.
It was all of me and Scott.
One of just our fingers laced in each other's, it must've been when we first started dating, I've never seen this one before.
One of Scott kissing my cheek and his arm around my waist, my mouth open in surprise.
One of us walking to the beach, but it literally looked like we were walking to the sunset, hand in hand.
Thanks, Kirst.
One of me kissing our hands while our fingers were laced.
One of him kissing my forehead that time I got the flu on tour, I must've been asleep.
One of me trying to take a picture of us on my phone, but he took it on the Polaroid instead.
One of him down on one knee when he took me to Iceland. My hand was over my mouth and tears were streaming down my cheeks. (Needless to say, I said yes.)
One of the ring on my finger.
One of me asleep. Whoever was taking the picture, which I'm going to guess was Scott, had my hand, with the ring on, in his. He actually wrote on the white part of this one, it says: My one and only.
I wiped the tears away as I looked at some of them from the wedding.
One of him giving me a pep talk before the wedding. I was so nervous, you have no idea. His hands were in mine, and he was reassuring me that everything would be alright, and that it wasn't bad luck to see me before the wedding because there was technically no bride.
One of the kiss. He had leaned down, "dipping me," getting the great photo op. Both of his hands were supporting my back in the dip, and my hands were on his cheeks. Thank god Avi had our Polaroid for the wedding, these pictures are great.
One of us in our first dance. Scott's back was to the camera, but his head was tilted down, looking at me. I was looking up at him, getting lost in those magnificent eyes of his. I remember that dance, I couldn't form words to explain how I felt, so I just said "I love you," about 200 times. But he felt the same way, so he did that, too.
One from our honeymoon, our hair was wet from the seawater, (we loved Fiji so much the first time, we just had to go back) and our lips were latched in a sweet kiss.
One of him that I had taken, he was just on his phone in his Patrick Star pajama pants, his left hand running through his hair, and his right hand scrolling on his phone. I had written something on the white part of the photo this time: My love.
I let out a sob as I saw the next photo, burying my face in my hands. I couldn't bare the thought of it, it was taken a short week ago.
It was one of us in the car that day he crashed it, the photo that ended Scott's life. He wasn't looking at the road, and we were both smiling as we looked at the lense.
If only we knew, if only we knew.
I had collected myself to see the last photo in that box of Polaroids, hoping it would be one that would make me smile.
And it was, but that made it all the worse. It was one I've never seen before, it was another one of me that I didn't know he'd taken.
I was watching something on television, probably The Office, that was our favorite show, but he had written a caption this time, much alike to the last one he had written on.
Forever my one and only <3
I lie down on the floor, crying into Scott's hoodie that I wore today, hoping that the smell of it would calm me down.
I knew he was my angel, I just wish he didn't have to fly away.
el oh el