Y/N'S POV ::
I take a deep breath as I stare at myself in the mirror. It's been an hour since I've locked myself inside. I have no idea what I'm afraid of. Visiting the doctor? Or hearing the words from that I don't want to hear? Or the doctor telling me that there's no need for surgery because I'm already past my limit? I have no idea.
I close my eyes being frustrated and all the events from yesterday flashes through my brain. Jungkook took me on a full day date yesteray. Every second with him was magical. He made sure that I loved everything but he had no idea that even the slightest efforts of his makes my heart jump. We ended our date when he kissed me like a madman in the restaurant. Honestly I thought he won't stop but he did. He stopped and said that I should save my energy for the hospital visit. I laughed it off but now that I'm here inside the bathroom while he is waiting outside,I wish for the earth to split open and swallow me whole. The entire process of going through the tests makes the breakfast inside my stomach churn.
I sink down on the floor while hugging my knees and burying my face in my palms. I'm scared. I'm so afraid that I can't even breathe properly and if I told this to Jungkook then he will only be worried. Although he do not let his expressions stay on his face but I know he is scared too. I've seen it in his eyes when last night we were sleeping and he kept staring at me as if I will disappear soon. I let out a sigh being frustrated with myself. The sudden knock on the door snaps me out. "Miss Y/n,are you in? You okay?" I wipe at my tears before replying to Saera.
"I'm fine." I muttered. "Mr Jeon has been waiting for you." She informs before leaving. I force myself to stand back on my feet and look in the mirror again. There are faint dark circles around my eyes and my face looks pale. I look sick enough already. "I have to do this. I have to try. I have to try for him. I have to give myself a second chance." I muttered while staring in my own eyes through the mirror. "I've been through it already. I'll do it again." I inhaled a sharp breath and there was another knock. "Y/n? Are you still inside? It's been one and half hour, Sweetheart. Come out." It was Jungkook as I let out a sigh. "I'm fine! I'll be out soon!" I exclaimed. "You sure? Do you need any help? Should I call Saera?"
My eyes welled up with tears and my lips wobbled at his words. Just why he has to be so concerned? "I.. I'm okay.." I choked out and soon after heard his footsteps leaving the room. I managed to come out of the bathroom and was getting ready. "Are you ready?" Jungkook questioned as he walked inside the room. I let out a smile and nodded. "Almost. Let me grab my jacket." I muttered and walked towards the closest. My clothes were kept inside his closest. It was still weird to adapt the feeling of living with him. I never had a boyfriend before. Jungkook was my first in everything and I was glad that he is.
I knitted my brows together when I caught the glimpse of his shirt kept separately in his closest. The shirt is wrinkled and I'm sure Biggie keeps his clothes clean. Hell he hates untidy clothes. "Biggie.." I grabbed the shirt as Jungkook hummed without looking at me. "Why this shirt is here?" I questioned and he finally averted his gaze from his phone to me. He blinked before widening his eyes. "That shirt?" He questioned as he walked towards me with a small smile dancing on his face. "That's really important to me." He said. "It looks wrinkled. Should I throw it for washing?" I questioned but he took the shirt from and shook his head. "No. It will lose it's speciality then." He mumbled before putting the shirt safely inside the closest. He grabbed my coat for me and helped me wear it.
"What's so special about that shirt? It's black?" I mumbled with a visible pout on my face. He shook his head again before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. "If I told you the reason then you'll think that I'm stupid." He said as I tilted my head. "I already think that, you know." I smiled at him. "Do you remember the day we met?" He asked and I nodded. How can I forget that day? I remember it so clear! I can picture it- and then it clicked. As the realization hit me hard I widened my eyes and stared at my now boyfriend since we went on a actual date. "Noway!" I exclaimed as Jungkook nodded with a smile.
He was wearing that shirt on the day we met.
"Why would you do that? I thought you didn't like me?" I asked being confused. "I know but you know there was something about you that kept me drawing towards you. You unknowingly pulled me towards you.. and.. in a time you had my heart before I even knew it." He said and I kept staring at him. "Jungkook..." I whispered as tears filled up in my eyes. He wiped at them before they could even fall. "I didn't want to forget that day.. I was supposed to throw that shirt but couldn't do it.." he shrugged as I let out a chuckle before sliding my arms around his neck and pulling him in a long kiss.
When I pulled away I looked at him. His eyes, his smile, his lips, his nose. I would never get enough of him. He is like my poetry but a never ending one. He is like a part of me, which makes me whole. "Tell me biggie.. just how much should I see you with these eyes? Because no matter how much... it's never enough.." I whispered against his lips. "That should be my line." I chuckled at his words. "Should we get going?" I nodded at him. He planted a soft kiss on my forehead and we went out.
An hour later, I found myself sitting inside the hospital. The plain white walls are irritating me. My hands starts to shake and I slip them inside my purse. Playing with the same ring again.
"One day... you will be able to throw that away."
Jungkook's voice rings in my brain and I immediately let go of the ring. "Miss y/n. This way." The receptionist calls out and I let out a sigh. I join my hands together before walking but then a large hand slips through mine. He threads out fingers together and the warmth spreads through my body. I looked beside and see The big guy passing me an assuring look. We walk inside and the doctor greets us. "It's been ages, Jungkook!" He exclaimed while shaking his hand with Jungkook.
"Hello to you too, bogum." Jungkook muttered. "And.. Who's the pretty lady?" The guy turns towards me with a smile as I bow my head a little. "My girlfriend. Y/n." My heart skips a beat as Jungkook introduces me while his left arm is resting on the small of my back. "Have a seat both of you! Taehyung told me your condition, y/n." The doctor said as I nodded. "Two years must have been tough." I twisted my lips before letting out a small smile. "I survived." He nods at me.
"I have to see the size of your tumor, y/n so I would suggest that we do an MRI (Magnetic resonance imaging) test now." I fisted my hands underneath his desk while nodding my head. I feel Jungkook's hand slipping in mine and I let out a sigh. "Sure." How bad can it be anyway? Seconds later a nurse guided me towards the changing room. "This way ma'am." I smiled at her before walking inside. Taking off my clothes, I wore the plain blue hospital gown. No matter how much I try to be brave,the beating of my heart is increasing by seconds and its no good sign. I bite on my lips while trying to take deep breath. "Be ready when I call you." The nurse says before leaving. I sit on a bench for a brief moment, doing nothing actually. I don't know how bad my tumor is. I'm not afraid for myself. I'm afraid for the guy outside waiting for me.
The door suddenly opens and I'm ready to walk out with the nurse but instead of the lady, I'm met with my Biggie. He walks towards me and I stay at my place until he is close. Jungkook kneels down on the floor as I sit on the bench. "Are you okay?" He questioned while holding my head. "I am." I mumbled as he caresses my cheek softly. I let myself get lost in the sensation of his touch. "You can do this, wild cat. I know you can do this. Don't be afraid, I'm here. I will always be here." He said as I let out a sigh. "I'm not afraid, biggie." I muttered. More like convincing myself. "I know you are not." He said as I nodded. "Take a deep breath, Sweetheart. I can feel your pulse." And then it hits me that he is holding onto my right wrist. "Can you promise me something before I go in?" I asked.
He looked at me before giving me a nod. "Will you take me out to eat tteokbokki after the test?" I blink my eyes and he offers me his soft chuckle. The sound of him laughing soothes me and I instantly feel calm when his lips are press against my forehead. "Absolutely!" He exclaimed as I smiled. "Miss y/n!" The nurse called out. Jungkook stilled on his place while I held his hand. "Let's go now. I want to eat tteokbokki soon!'' I exclaimed and dragged him but he stopped me and pulled me closer before engulfing me in a hug. I patted his back before pulling away. "I bet dr. Bogum has other patients too. We shouldn't waste his time." I mumbled. "Right! Tae won't like it if I use my mafia tactics with his friend!" We chuckled before walking out.
Few minutes later I was inside the small room where the big MRI scanning machine was waiting for me. Jungkook was outside, watching me with the doctors and other nurses. I inhaled a sharp breath before a nurse helps me to get on the machine. She gives me something to wear on my head to protect my ears. "Give us a signal if you feel discomfort." She said as I smiled before replying. "I'm not claustrophobic plus, my boyfriend looks more scared than me." I said while taking a glance at Jungkook. His eyes are fixed on me and hell I've never seen him biting on his nails until today. "It will be fine." She muttered as I nod.
While I lay on the board I try to pass the big guy a wide smile. I even winked at him to distract but all I got from him is his wide eyes. It took few minutes until I was out. Not going to lie it wasn't painful but I feel like my brain is about to burst. Once the test is done, the same nurse helps me get out and stand but I feel weak. The bile churning in my stomach. Something isn't right. My vision starts to blur and I almost fall down when the familiar arms hold me. "It can be after effect.. she should be fine soon." The nurse explains. Jungkook takes me inside the room where I changed my clothes earlier and I want to hit him on the head for carrying me in his arms because its embarrassing. "I'm so going to kill you." I whispered once he puts me down.
"Do it after you get the strength." He passes me the water bottle and I gulped down before the sudden urge hits and I throw the liquid out in the sink. "Y/n! Are you okay?" Jungkook asked while rubbing my back. "I'm fine." I muttered but I know my words didn't reach him. His worry stays the whole time I change my clothes and hour later we sit inside the dr. Park Bogum's cabin.
The said doctor enters an hour later with my reports in his hand. "Is it bad?" I asked because I can't take the silence for an answer. Not when the guy beside me is hoping nothing but positive results. "It's...Meningioma." he said as I blinked. "Can you explain...in normal language?" I nervously laughed but no one laughed at my joke. "Its a tumor which arises from the membrane surrounding your brain and spinal cord. And yes, it indeed is near your spinal cord." He explained as I gulp down the lump forming in my throat. "Is it bad? When can we do the surgery?" Jungkook questioned.
"Its growing.. I can't believe you stayed with this thing in your brain for two years. How? What about the symptoms?" The doctor turned to face me. Yeah the symptoms were terribly bad but I managed. The pain was unbearable.. so much that some times I hope to not wake up if I sleep because I don't want to experience the pain again. But the God was playing with me. After going through the pain I always found myself wide awake every morning. "I...managed.." I smiled yet again as the doctor shook his head.
"What are the things you've been experiencing for now?" He questioned and I fought myself if I should tell him or not. Jungkook will be so mad. I fisted my palms yet again. "You need to tell me, y/n so we can start the treatment. You've left it untreated for a quite while." The doctor said. "Are you hiding something?" Jungkook asked but I refused to look at him. "Tell me." The doctor insisted again. I shut my eyes before spilling everything.
"Headache.. so much headache.. and.. i feel weak sometimes.. seizurs.." Jungkook's head snapped towards me at the word seizur. "...my vision gets blury sometimes.." I mumbled with my head hung low. "Your body isn't ready for the surgery." He said and I nodded.
What was I expecting?
"We will go with medicines for three months. Take all the vitamins and we will try to make the tumor stop growing and once your body is ready, we will do the surgery." Jungkook let out a sigh while I nodded in silence. "You really are a brave person y/n because you haven't lost your sanity yet. I've seen people go crazy after they find out about tumors." The doctor said as I let out a soft chuckle. "I have people who gives me strength.. I love living my life without being greedy to survive." I paused before holding onto Jungkook's hand.
"Now I have someone who keeps me sane even if I lose myself completely."
JUNGKOOK'S POV ::
I let out a groan as I punched the punching bag hard. I kept punching it. I've been punching it for an hour now. Park Bogum was kind enough to not spill anything in front of y/n earlier. Ever since the moment I stepped out of the hospital,I couldn't focus on anything. His words rang in my brain like a scary lullaby trying to haunt me. Physically, I was with y/n at the restaurant, feeding her tteokbokki but mentally I never left the hospital.
Right after y/n left, the doctor called me. Alone. "What is it?" I questioned as he let out a sigh. "I couldn't tell everything in front of her Jungkook. She seems really nice I.. I just didn't have heart to tell her." I frowned at his words. "Tell what?" I questioned. "Her body is extremely weak, Jungkook. Seems like she never took care of herself. The tumor is growing and it's dangerous." I felt my heart skipping a beat but I waited for him to continue. "There are less chances that she will survive after the surgery." I still couldn't speak but inside I was screaming. So loud that it hurt my throat internally. "...but we will try our best to make sure she survives. Her symptoms are fine now but I can sense they will get worse with times and she may lose her memory. Memory loss is common in meningioma." I suddenly remembered what happened yesterday. "She forgot that she asked me to take her on a date yesterday." I muttered and he nodded. "Right. It will happen. The memories will come and go. It will keep happening." I nodded my head. "Just make sure she takes the medicines on time. We have to do the surgery, Jungkook. It's important for her survival. But I also can't...guarantee you because she left it untreated for quite long." He said as I tilted my head. "She is crazy. Too naive by heart." I sighed.
His words kept haunting me and suddenly I came up with a question.
Will she forget me too?
For now, I shook it away and shove it at the bottom of my brain because her survival matters and I will go to any extent to make sure that she survives.
"Tell me biggie.. just how much should I see you with these eyes? Because no matter how much... it's never enough.."
Her words from the morning rang inside my brain and I stopped punching the bag. I let out a huff as I took off my gloves and poured a chilled water over my face. Three months. I'll make sure three months are nothing but blissful. I will fill up her days with nothing but happiness and love. I will love her so much that even if her brain ends up forgetting me. Her heart will never.
"What are you doing?" I questioned as I entered our bedroom. It's still feels like a dream to me. "Nothing really. Where were you?" Y/n asked as I plopped on the bed beside her. "Working." I muttered while staring at her. She is wearing her white t-shirt with black baggy pants. The hairs are open. I couldn't help but take in her. Her eyes, her lips, her nose, her hairs. I wanted her. I wanted her everything. Her sorrows, her pain, her sadness. Everything that was related her. I wanted to be consumed by her only. My hand involuntarily moved to tuck the hair strands behind her ear as she flinched at my touch.
"Biggie! Look I was actually watching these pictures from Jen's wedding and damn they came out so good." She said while showing me her pictures. I had no interest in anything but her. None of the things in the world could ever intrigued me the way she does. As if she is in my soul. I heard her ramble so many things but never for once I was able to take my eyes off her. The way she speaks and then laughs at her own joke. The world is in peace as long as she is by my side but if something happened to her then..
I would never hesitate to rip apart the entire world with my bare hands and the thought didn't scare me. I will fucking burn everything to ashes.
"...and this one is from the time when you took me to see the sea." She muttered and then turned to face me. "Did you take your medicine?" I questioned and she blinked. "What medicine?" Now I blinked. "We visited the doctor today, baby." I muttered as she thought for a while. "And he prescribed me medicine...?" She frowned. Noway, my heart is being crazy at her state. "Ahh yes! He did! Damn I forgot to take them." She clicked her tongue as I let out a sigh. "You can't skip your meds, y/n!" I closed her journal and kept it aside. "They are too big! The tablets are so big! What if I choked? And they taste awful!" She let out a whine.
Now...how do you handle a whiny girlfriend?
Damn all my hands did was to hold a gun or knife and kill the people who came in my way.
I was this close to call namjoon hyung but I don't want to hear lecture. They all are worried enough after finding out that y/n has a tumor. No one expected this. No one. Because she looked too lively.
I grabbed the box of her medicines and then poured water in a glass for her. "Can we skip today? I swear on my cheesecorn I will take from tomorrow!" She exclaimed as I rolled my eyes. "You don't even like cheesecorn." I grumbled as she twisted her lips. "They taste awful." She snorted as I glared at her and then handed her the tablets. She swallowed them and sipped on the water while making a face of disgust. I grabbed her face and placed my lips on hers. Taking her off guard,I made sure to kiss her properly before pulling away. "What was that?" She asked as I smiled. "I'll kiss you good if you take medicine!" I exclaimed as she blinked.
"Seems more profitable for you tho!" Y/n mumbled as I placed her medicine box on its place and then took a sit on the bed. "A kiss on your lips is not profitable for me tho." I muttered as she huffed. "Then what's profitable for you?" She asked while leaning closer as I held her hand. "Later. Good things take time." I whispered as her cheeks reddened. I let out a chuckle before pulling her in my arms but she pushed me away. "Go away! You unholy brat!" She started throwing her hands in the air but I caught them and flipped her on the bed as I landed on top of her. "I didn't said any unholy thing. Maybe you just have a unholy brain." I muttered as she glared at me.
That night passed by and few other passed by. Things were normal. Although I was keeping an eye on every action of her because I was sure that she won't tell me if something was wrong. And just like that I caught her throwing up five times in two weeks. Sometimes she will feel too weak to even climb out of the bed but the next day I will find my wild cat inside the damn restaurant. She never quit her job tho but I'm on my mission to make sure she quit it.
Two weeks passed by in a swift motion. I didn't realize it. I was happy that there was no seizur or memory losing. It was really fine until yesterday she came to me and asked me to take her to Paris. Its in her bucket list and I'm not going to complete her bucket list until she goes through the surgery. We can complete it once she is fine. And the doctor has strictly declined for traveling but damn she was stubborn.
She is ignoring me.
I was screwed.
But I didn't give up. In fact I planned a small date to make her feel better. "You know the doctor declined, Sweetheart." I muttered while driving. "We can always ditch the doctor. Not everything he says should be taken serious!" She exclaimed as I let out a sigh. She has no idea about her own condition. "Anyways, why are we in a different car today? What happened to your Mercedes?" I smiled at the change of topic. Looks like the small museum and lunch date worked indeed. "Its for servicing. Do you miss my car?" I teased as she let out a snort. "I'm not you. I'm just used to seeing you drive that. Besides, we went to lot of places in that car." I nodded with a hum.
"Right. So you like my car more than me?" I questioned while stealing a glance towards her. "Maybe I do!" I snorted at her words and she chuckled. "I want to eat ice cream!" She exclaimed as I looked around and spotted an ice cream stall. "Wait till I see some ice cream parlor!" I exclaimed. "What's wrong with the stall?" She questioned and I blinked. "They can't be good." I muttered. I still remember my mom telling me those same words. As a kid I brought them but as I grew up, I realized that I'm fine only with hygienic food.
"They are good enough to eat and look a lot like ice cream! So no I want only that ice cream!" I sighed yet again. "If you can't take me paris then feed me the ice cream, big guy!" She exclaimed. Louder than her usual voice. "What happened to be kind, it's not a crime?!" She exclaimed and I shook my head. "Fine." I muttered while parking the car nearby. "Stay inside. I'll bring the ice cream here. Belgian chocolate right?" I asked while stepping out. "Do I even like that? Is that even a flavor?" A piece of me breaks everytime this happens. However it hasn't happen in a quite while not after the medicine incident.
"Yeah its a flavor! You should try it!" I exclaimed as she let out a hum. "Fine. Be quick." I kissed her cheek before heading out. I bought the ice cream and searched for my wallet to pay but couldn't find it. Just then in a spilt of seconds. Milliseconds. I heard the loud blast. My car was suddenly on fire. I went blank for a moment.
My car just blew up.
Y/n was inside it.
No.
No.
I yelled out her name. Suddenly trying to run towards the car. She is inside. She needs me. I need to take her out. But then suddenly, I hear her voice.
"Jungkook!" I freeze and turn around to see her standing few feets away from the ice cream stall. Her expressions are horrific. I'm sure my eyes are red because they are stinging. I waste no time and run towards her.
She is not my hallucination.
Thats the first thought coming in my brain when I hug her and I feel her. She wraps her arms around me tightly. "Are you okay? You're not hurt anywhere right?" I asked while inspecting her. "N-no I'm fine. I went out just in time. But.. how did that..?" She stares at the burning car while I stare at her. "You forgot your wallet inside so I came to give you this." She mumbled but I no longer can hear her. Only if she wouldn't have asked for ice cream then none of us would've made it alive.
Someone planned this.
Was it to kill us both?
Or just her?
Who the fuck did it?
—to be continued
A/N :: I wonder what would've happened if she didn't ask for ice cream ?🗿
[Hint - its not the one you think it is]
Please vote and comments ♡
I miss Jungkook so much that I'm sure I'm going crazy 😭