Y/N'S POV ::
"I wonder why are you smiling so much while cooking." Saera the head maid said as she watched making breakfast. Early in the morning that too. Its rare for me to cook and wake up this early. "I'm just.... in a good mood." I shrugged as she nodded. "Do you always cook when you're in a good mood? Because you're always in a good mood." She said as I twisted my lips. "What makes you think that I'm always in a good mood?" I questioned while pouring the pancake batter on the pan. "You're always smiling wide. You carry this unique shine with you. Might sound cheesy but I believe you can make change anyone's darker world shine with just being there." My movements halted at her words as I still attempted a smile.
"You think so?" I asked and got a hum in a response. "Don't you think I smile too much?" I asked as she game a look. "Oh cummon! You've got such gorgeous smile and trust me I love seeing you smile everyday. Its good to have you here. I look forward coming here for work everyday because of you!" I let out a chuckle at her words. "Why? Didn't biggie treat you right?" I asked as she shook her head. I flipped the pancake and turned to face her as she was stuffing the fridge with veggies. "He barely stays home. This mansion like house used to be really empty and dead." She said as I scrunched my nose. "And now?" I asked. She sighed as she looked at me fully. "Now it has life."
Sniffing at the smell of pancakes i turned around and placed them on the plate. "I won't be here for a long time." I mumbled. "That's alright! Let the lady enjoy as long as you're here!" She patted my shoulder and left to do her other work. I smiled as I went to cut some fruits. A while later I was preparing the breakfast table when I heard the footsteps. Looking around I found Jungkook walking downstairs. All ready to go out. He was talking on the phone while fixing his watch as I took a moment to stare at him.
Yesterday was so much fun because of him and hence that's the sole reason I decided to make breakfast for him to return the favor. "Good morning!" I chirped when he hung up the call. He nodded in my direction and was about to walk away when his gaze darted towards the table. "Why aren't you eating and what are you doing this early?" He asked as I sighed. "I made breakfast for you as a thank you for yesterday and I also didn't ask you to come for meditation today." I said as he shoved his phone inside his pockets and walked towards me. "I thought you were sleeping because of yesterday.." he mumbled as I shook my head. "Trust me! I really wanted to sleep but I felt the need to return your favor!" I shrugged my shoulders.
"You know I was just being nice." He said as I rolled my eyes. "Shut it biggie! And eat your breakfast." I gestured towards the table as he shook his head. "I don't eat this much in the morning. A cup of coffee is fine but you're a little devil to not allow the coffee!" He twisted his lips as I glared at him. "Besides, there's a urgent meeting today so I need to go!" He exclaimed. "What about breakfast?" I asked feeling somewhat sad that he will leave without eating the food that I made. "Do you even know how to cook?" He asked in a mocking tone. "I work in a restaurant dude." I looked away as he hummed in response.
I looked down expecting him to leave immediately but instead he pulled out his phone before dialing someone's number. "Tell the party that I'll be little late for the meeting. Yes I know. I'll be there." My eyes widened when he took a seat at breakfast table. "What about your meeting?" I asked. "I don't like wasting food and I could've ate later but I don't like left over as well." He said without looking at me. "I don't eat pancakes,wild cat." He mumbled while pouring a glass of milk for himself. In no time saera showed up as she served him his breakfast. I watched as Jungkook took a bite of his omelet that I made. "Do you cook at the restaurant?" He asked. "Nope. I'm more like a waitress." I said as he nodded. "Thats what I thought. I mean you aren't a good enough to be a cook." I scoffed at his words but ignoring them at same.
"Why do you work at restaurant when you have degrees?" He questioned as I stopped cutting in my pancake. "I like working there.." I mumbled not finding right words to tell him. "Doesn't sounds convincing enough tho." He mumbled as I looked at him. "Not my problem." I smiled and continued to eat. Jungkook left after eating his breakfast and I went to my work as usual.
Today was more cold than usual but I love winters. For it know to hush, still, listen so the soul can speak. I was staring outside from the glass window as we were supposed to close anytime now. "Its getting colder." I heard saebyeok,my coworker say as I turned to face him. "It is." I said with a smile. "Christmas is near!" He exclaimed as I nodded. My smile faltered as I remembered that Jen isn't here unlike every Christmas with me. That made me let out a sigh. I'll just video call her on Christmas I guess.
"Wear your coat when you're going out, y/n. The weather is getting colder." Aunt said as I nodded at her. "Yep." I mumbled. Finally closing the restaurant I turned around to leave when my driver waiting for me as I smiled at him. "Good evening ma'am!" He exclaimed with a bow. "Telling you again to not call me y/n." I said while sliding inside the car. "Thats against the rules." Same answer everytime. I shook my head while closing the door. "Can you take me to the orphanage today?" I questioned him as he nodded. I stared at the bag I was holding. There are brownies inside which I've prepared for the kids. I smiled at the thought of them smiling at the food.
An hour later I finally reached the orphanage. As soon as I stepped in some kids gathered around me as I giggled. "I know I missed you all too!" I exclaimed. "Unnie! Where is that mister handsome you brought last time?" My head turned towards the little voice which belonged to Zoe. "Who?" I asked her while crouching down to match her level. She crosses her hands and thought. "The one who took you away last time." She said as I instantly got the flashback of Jungkook showing up here last time. I sighed as I pinched her cheeks. "You have a good memory Zoe but hey he is not mr handsome." I said with a smile. "But I wanna meet him.. where is he..?" She asked.
"He is at work. He is very busy." I said. Zoe pouted as I ruffled her hairs. "I brought brownies for ya! You love them right?" And that earned me the biggest smile from her. I tickled her as she bursted into fits of laughter. I lost the count of children who asked me about Jungkook. Looks like he has personality they couldn't forget. "Ahh I told you not to buy too much sweets for them!" Mrs song scolded as I shrugged my shoulders. "You can't keep children's away from sweets." I smiled as she shook her head. After spending some time playing with them I decided to leave. "I'll visit before Christmas!" I told to Mrs Song who nodded.
Half an hour later I reached Jungkook's house as I knitted my brows at his car seeing parked already. That's strange because he doesn't come home early. Shrugging my thoughts I went inside and met him in the hallway. He was ready to go out again. "Where are you going?" I questioned as he raised his eyebrow at me. "Since when do I tell you about my schedule?" Rude. I rolled my eyes at him. "I was just asking. Sorry." I mumbled. "I'll be late." He walked past me as I called out his name. Turning around he turned at the same time to face me. Jungkook was dressed up in his black ripped jeans with black shirt as usual. "Atleast wear your coat. Its cold outside." I said.
Jungkook let out a dry chuckle before replying. "I'm used to be in cold. It doesn't affect me." And he left just like that.
Whats with his behavior suddenly?
That night he didn't come home whole night. I knew because as much as I hate to admit this fact but I always get the feeling when he is home. Even though his room is few feets away from mine I still can feel when he is home.
Days rolled down. Winters went more cold. There is no sign of warmth in this house. Jungkook was barely home again. Its like we were getting back to square one. Whenever I caught him in the middle of the night in his home-bar he would reply with only one thing, "I couldn't sleep." It hurt me to see him having problems in sleeping. The guy was barely coping up and I could see it. I knew something was bothering him. He was keeping it inside so I didn't push him. Maybe he will come around and tell me if he wants to.
I stared outside from my balcony. It's snowing softly and Christmas is almost here. I couldn't help but smile at that thought.
JUNGKOOK'S POV ::
"The work is done. " I heard my assistant tell me as I was staring outside from my office building. It's snowing and I couldn't help the uneasy feeling inside my heart. Why does it still hurts as if it was just yesterday?
"Good." I mumbled to him as he bowed before leaving. Turning around i walked towards my desk and started working instead of thinking the things that should've left me decades ago but
Its here. Its still here. The pain, the hurt, the need to breath, the metallic smell of blood, the screams, the fear, the need to die. It's all here and I still can feel it in my bones. I couldn't help what I feel as it's the time of year where I go back where I do not belong. I'm not able to sleep at all. If I try to sleep then all I see are nightmares. Talking with my therapist didn't help at all so I left after just one session.
Y/n and I barely talk and even if we did then its because we accidentally run into each other. I was avoiding her because I'm afraid I'll end up showing her the person behind my mask. I'm afraid she will end up pealing off my layer and will see the monster beneath. I don't want her to become the victim of my wrath so of course I had to avoid her. I shut my eyes at my thoughts and let out a sigh. Suddenly hearing my phone ring I groaned and picked it up after seeing Seokjin hyung on the caller ID. "What happened hyung?" I questioned. "Jungkook.. there's a problem and we need you here at our base." I ceased a breath while humming in response.
Turns out the problem he was talking about was nothing but he just wanted to check up on me. I ended up having whiskey with seokjin hyung as we kept talking for hours.
It was nearly 3am when I finally pulled my car inside my driveway. The snow hasn't stopped yet and it bothered me but I refused to care. As soon as I dragged my feets inside I let out a sigh and was ready to go straight inside the bar but my steps halted at the sight inside. Whole house is decorated. There are lighting, flowers and freaking huge Christmas tree at the corner. Blood rushed through my veins as I glared with my clenched jaw. My gaze dropped to the person sleeping on the couch lazily even she was tangled up in the ribbons.
I felt my insides burning at the sight as I fisted my hands. I stomped towards the decorated wall and threw everything away not caring about the fact that it must have taken her hours to do this all but didn't ask her to do it. Did I? Nope. My actions made sounds and soon after y/n woke up. "Jungkook! What are you doing?!" She exclaimed but I paid no attention instead I kept throwing things here and there. It all made me angry. The pain wouldn't go away. All the monsters are creeping in. They are crawling back to me. I can feel them.
Ruin it.
Throw it.
Make a mess.
Throw them out.
Ruin it.
Ruin it.
Ruin everything.
I heard my inner self saying..
"Jungkook!! Stop it!!" She yelled but I still didn't hear her. She finally held my arm as I glared at her. "Who gave you the permission to decorate my house?!" I exclaimed as she shook her head. "Who the fuck gave you the right?!!" I exclaimed louder as she flinched at my voice. "I don't like them!! This is all useless!!" I exclaimed as I continued ruining her all efforts and finally moving to the giant half decorated Christmas tree. Taking long steps towards the tree I heard y/n yelling out my name but I didn't budge until I reach towards the tree and pushed it down. It fell making a loud thud as y/n let out a gasp.
Red. Red was all I could see and yet my hand itched to do something more. "What.. what did.. you do?" She whispered as I took long steps towards her figure and in no time she was pinned against the wall with me taking heavy breath. "Why?!! Why did you do it?!!" I shouted and she flinched again. "Why.. why did you do it?" She questioned while gesturing towards the mess that I created. "It took me hours Jungkook! It took me hours! I thought you will like it!" She exclaimed while glaring at me. "Well breaking news! I do not fucking like it!" I slammed my hand on the wall beside her head. She didn't dare to look away. "And why did you do this all shitty things anyway? Why are you like this? Why are you always so smiley and happy?? Why do you think about others?? Do you think that just because you're too good then everyone else can be good too? What are you trying to prove with your too good actions?!!" By the moment I was panting.
"What happened to you....? Are.. you.. are you okay?" She questioned as I gripped her arm and squeezed it tight. She let out a wince but it didn't ease whatever I was feeling. "The world isn't how you picture it! I hate how good you are! Why are you so obsessed with being good like a goddamn guardian angel you are!? Do you think life is some fairy-tale?!" I yelled as she stared at me with wide eyes. "You're hurting me.." she whispered but I didn't budge. I was pressed to her body. She was so close that her scent was all over me.
Vanilla mixed with almonds.
Y/n was staring into my eyes as if she was trying to reach out for the person inside me. Feeling the liquid on on her arm, her eyes dropped to where I was holding her. "You're bleeding!" She exclaimed with concern. I gripped her arm more hard as I glared at her. "I am trying to hurt you and you're still caring about the blood I'm shedding! Your this behavior makes me sick!!" I shouted at her as she hissed. "Let go Jungkook.." I didn't. "I said let go.. you're hurting me.. and you're bleeding.." she whispered as my breath fanned over her skin mixed with her breathing. A lone tear escaped her eyes which slowly slid down her cheek and fell down.
As if I got my sense back I immediately pulled away from her. Brushing my hand through my hairs I took a sharp breath. "Dont you dare do this christmas stupidity in my house!" I exclaimed before leaving and stomping in my bedroom. Closing the door shut I let out a breath. Her tear, the pain in her eyes was flashing in front of me.
"You're bleeding.."
Her voice ringing in my brain and taking away my sanity. I growled as I gripped the sheets and threw it all away.
There's a blood on your hands.
I stared at my hand which is actually coated in my blood. I stared at the blood. The snow falling down on my window. The decoration that I just messed up flashed in front of my eyes as I gripped my hairs.
The Christmas tree.
The snow.
The lights.
The decorations.
The cake.
The blood.
The screams.
The cries.
The pain.
I couldn't breathe. My lungs couldn't get the air that I so desperately needed. What was wrong with me? Everything was so disturbed. I gripped my hairs as I closed my eyes and tried to breath but ended up throwing things here and there. Injuring myself even more in the process.
The drops of blood fell down on the floor as I stared at them.
We wish you a merry Christmas!
NO. STOP IT.
We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!
STOP IT. I can hear the voice. The voice so vivid but still a memory.
Its a merry Christmas!
Why don't you go out?
Dont you love me now?
Its a Christmas!
Christmas!
Christmas!
Go away , kook!
Go away!
I can hear fits of laughter which turned into a cries. I can see faces of pure happiness which turned into horrific fear. I can see them breathing and in a swift moment they stopped breathing.
Blood. There was a pool of blood and I was standing in it.
Y/n's tearful eyes flashed again and then a image. A image that smiled at me so lovingly. Eyes so full of adoration for me. "You don't hurt people." The image whispered as I tried reaching but it's white clothes turned red and red and blood was all I could see. The room started spinning.
Snow.
Blood on my hands.
Her tears.
Christmas.
Decoration.
Why was it happening with me? Why couldn't I breath? Why images from that night flashed in front of my eyes? Why can I hear their voices reaching me?
I finally stopped fighting as I fell down on the floor with a blood curdling scream leaving my mouth.
Why? Why did they leave me behind? Just to suffer?
-To be continued..
A/n : Ok,mafia or not. Everyone has their weakness. Although Jungkook's character here is strong, fearless and cold but there's something that can trigger him and it did this time. So don't come at me saying that as a mafia he can't be like this because hell no one can ignore the human emotions. Its all trauma from his past that triggered a little bad this time.
SPOILER ALERT: Keep your tissues ready 🥰❤
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