You know that in between when you're first getting up in the morning? Like when you know you're awake but if you just close your eyes you could be pulled back under and if you open your eyes it becomes real and you have to face the day?
Yeah that's where I like to spend some extra time, too. Just a few minutes to gather my thoughts before I'm brought into reality.
Usually Natasha wakes me up once she realizes this is what I'm doing. I don't mind, though. It's usually so we can just snuggle or she can see me before she leaves.
It's almost like a morning routine for us. Not that I mind getting up early or anything, but sometimes I need to be brought out of my day dreams and into my actual dream life with Natasha. Sometimes it's hard to believe it's all real.
What I'm saying all this for is that it's really damn strange Natasha hasn't woken me up yet. I feel like I've been like this for at least half an hour. It's entirely possible my sense of time is off, it's easily done when you're crossing between sleep and reality. Maybe she already left?
Screw it. I'll just get up anyway. She could be with Ally Bear or making breakfast. Our routine has changed a little bit since our new tiny edition, obviously.
And the thought of seeing our daughter spitting out some puréed squash as Nat tries to feed it to her has me smiling and ready to get up. I love the mornings with her; she's always so smiley and giggly. And she loves to cuddle.
Who am I kidding? She's like that all of the time. She's amazing, they both are, and I can't wait to see my girls.
As I finally peel my eyes open, I'm met with blue sky? The fuck? I close my eyes and open them again a few more times but the result is all the same; I'm looking up at the sky. A very blue, cloudless sky.
I do not remember falling asleep outside. I don't remember drinking last night.. I will probably be in some deep shit for this.
Well I might as well get back inside. I stretch my poor stiff limbs.. that aren't stiff? I actually feel totally refreshed. Like I just had the best nights sleep ever and I could run a marathon. Ew, not that I would.
This must people why people drink coffee. For this feeling. Because you feel energized once you've had coffee, right?
But there's no way I'm outside? I've slept outside before. This is not how I wake up. I'm usually highly uncomfortable and slightly damp from the dew. And with a headache. I finally sit up to see that I'm sitting on clouds? How the fuck does this keep getting weirder?
I do check to make sure I'm all in one piece at least. And clothed. So the panic I had that Nat wasn't with me and I might be naked, passes. But then it dawns on me;
Oh shit. I'm tripping right now, aren't I? Oh Natasha is going to kill me. But to be fair I had no idea I even took something or what it was I took. So she can't be that mad, right? Right?
Well, might as well ride out this high. I stand up to start exploring, although I'm sure I must be at the compound or something. This is just the dreamland my mind has created. Though I would have thought Natasha and Alia would be here in some aspect.
They usually take up all of my dreams. But I'm not complaining, we're usually in the treehouse I built or running around the house with another bundle of joy with us.
Now I've been walking around for what feels like hours. It's all endless clouds and blue sky. Clouds under my feet and blue above. I wish this trip was a little more interesting. It's also lasting a really long ass time. I would have thought it'd wear off by now.
And there's no people? I would also have guessed I would run into someone at the compound by now that would stop me. Unless I'm not actually walking?
That has to be it. I think I'm walking but in fact I'm still laying on a bed in medbay, high out of my mind, apparently.
I decide to sit down. What's the point in walking around when the scenery has yet to change?
I would have thought my mind would have come up with some crazier shit than this. Some dragon or giant squid I had to fight off with a lightsaber.
Oh well. I'll just lay here and wait it out.
———————
I'm still laying here. Nothing has changed. It's been hoursss. I am bored out of my damn mind.
And.. I'm starting to worry. No drug I know of last this long, right? Or maybe my timing is just warped.. it could feel like it's been hours and it could just be like half an hour?
Not knowing is kind of annoying. I hate not knowing, as you may know by now. It's why I never liked going near drugs to begin with. I'm still bored. And I want Nat. And Alia. And food. Ooh.. a cheeseburger with the works would be fan-fucking-tastic right about now.
Though, I'm not really hungry.. which is odd. I guess wanting food is a reflex. But I'm always hungry. Ugh, I don't know.
Just as I'm thinking I might fall back asleep, a random lady pops up next to me. Or I'm assuming she popped up, I have no idea where she came from.
I hardly process her or what she's doing at first as my eyes have only been accustomed to blue sky and clouds.
She's just looking at me. Well, I guess I'm just looking at her, too. But she's giving me a weird look.
After a little while of staying like this, I guess it's up to me to speak first, "um, hi?"
She looks a little startled that I spoke. What the fuck kind of drugs am I on?
"So what's your name?" I try again.
This time she finally speaks, "how are you here?"
"Girl, I don't know. I have no fucking clue what's happening. Whatever drug you gave me is insane." I will never go near drugs again in my life. I hope Nat will know that, too.
She once again looks at me confused. Mumbling to herself but still loud enough for me to hear her say, "this isn't suppose to happen. How is she.."
"Um, I'm sorry to interrupt, but do you know what the hell is happening? I'm no expert, but if I'm tripping right now, it seriously seems like it's lasting a bit too long, no?"
She straightens her posture, almost like she's resolved whatever she was conflicted about.
"I'm not entirely sure how you've ended up here. It shouldn't be possible, yet, here you are."
"Here I am." I throw my arms out in a shrug, trying to portray my absolute confusion. "Wherever here is."
She glares at me a bit. Guess she wasn't done talking.
"You are Spencer Bears, yes?"
"As far as I know, yes. Although, I took my wife's name when we got married. So it's actually Spencer Romanova," I can't help but correct her, smiling at the memory.
"Mhm. Well, I'm sorry to inform you, but you are not, as you said, 'tripping on drugs.'"
"I'm sorry, what? Then what the hell is happening? Is this some weird prank? Like, am I in one of Tony's little contraptions and he's got me in a weird reality? Because, though it is funny as fuck, I would like to see my wife and child now. Where are they? Are they okay?"
The woman goes to respond but I continue my rant before she can, mostly afraid of what she's going to tell me. Shouting this time like Tony will hear me, "aye, Tony! Turn this thing off. I miss my wife and child!"
This time when I look at her, I see the sadness in her eyes and her posture sags. I don't like how she's looking at me right now; with so much sympathy and sorrow.
And a horrible, awful, horrendous thought comes into my mind.
"Please.. please don't tell me they're gone. I can't.. I can't live without them. I, I can't.." my voice is breaking as I'm sure I am on the verge of tears. Though to my surprise, none surface.
This time she walks up to me and places a hand on my shoulder. Damn it. She's trying to comfort me. "Just tell me. I can't handle this suspense. I need to know. Just let me break already."
"Spencer.." she starts out, speaking softly. I'm sure in hopes to keep me calm. "Your wife and child are fine. You however.."
"No, don't try to mess with me! I know I'm okay. Look at me, not a scratch! I am fine as hell." My voice started to raise and I had to stop myself, not wanting to take it out on this poor woman.
She takes a deep breath before she speaks again, "Spencer, I'm sorry, but you're dead. You died."
That's when my world breaks apart.
Nat is really going to kill me now