Spencers POV
I stand there for a beat, listening to my heart try to leap out of my chest. It's doing a really good job.
I have no idea what just happened. It was a big blur that seemed to drag out, but it all happened in the matter of seconds.
Then my empty head is once again filled with some logic and it's telling my body to go after her.
I am quite sure she is going to her room. Well, I'm hoping so anyway so I have a chance to talk to her. If she is going to the meeting room with everyone, well, I may be out of luck.
Holding my breath and with my fingers crossed, I teleport, landing just inside of her room,
in front of her closed door.
At first glance, she isn't anywhere in here and I fear I won't have a chance to talk with her. But then I hear sniffles. Hers, of course. And I'm the cause of it.
Such a jackass, I am.
The bathroom door is closed and I see a line of light emitting from the small sliver of space at the bottom. So, it's safe to guess that's where she is.
I know I could teleport in there, but I'm not for reasons that should be obvious.
Instead, I cautiously walk over to the door, hardly daring to make a peep. I give the door a light knock, "love, are you okay?"
There's some silence, but I am able to hear a soft sob. It breaks me. I keep bringing her to tears. I keep making her feel like this. I don't even deserve her in the first place.
All I want to do is wrap her in my arms. To hold her close. To protect her. I've done a shit job of that. I'm the one she needs protecting from.
After too long without anything, I get an, "I'm fine." It comes out cold and short. I can't say I blame her, but I know she's just trying to bring some of that wall back up.
I can't.. I won't let that happen.
"Love.. can I please come in," I plead.
"No, Spencer. I said I'm fine. Go away. I have to get ready for a mission," she's still using that harsh tone, but she's talking to me at least.
"No. No way," I'm shaking my head even though I know she can't see me. "I'm not leaving. I'm not letting you leave when.."
"Why? Why did you.. why were you.." It's soft. I can tell she's trying not to let more tears fall. She's trying to let those walls keep them in.
I put my forehead on the door along with the palms of my hands, trying to get closer. "Please. Please just let me in," I'm begging.
I hear some ruffling that I'm hoping is her moving to the door. My hopes come true when I hear the small click. She doesn't open the door, but she isn't stopping me from entering anymore.
She's letting me in.
With a deep breath, I slowly turn the knob, push the door open, and take a step inside.
She's leaning over the sink, looking into the mirror. It seems as though she's messing with her hair. She is definitely doing her best to avoid looking at me.
I tentatively take the few steps over to her, then slowly reach out to grab her hands and turn her towards me. She is successful at still avoiding me, keeping her gaze down at the ground.
"Talk to me, love," I urge her. I need her to.
She brings her eyes up to my face, but she's not looking me in the eyes.
"I don't know.. what am I doing wrong, Spencer? Why.. with Wanda? I don't.."
"Woah, woah. Love, you aren't doing anything wrong. I am," once I say it, I realize what it sounds like.
"So you did.." the tears are back.
"No! No. Nothing happened with Wanda. I admit, I'm not really sure what that was back there. One minute my army had surrounded hers and then the next she started firing those magical red orbs at me.. and I don't know. But nothing was about to happen. And I am so sorry that it looked like it was. I am sorry I keep messing this up. But you.. you are everything," I am once again trying to soothe her worries and damn it all, she shouldn't have to keep going through this.
"I am so sorry I keep doing this to you. I said I would put you first.. that I would make sure you felt loved at all times. That I would protect you. And I am doing a piss poor job of that. I promise you, I will do better," I pour my heart out, hoping she hears the sincerity in it.
She's kind of silent.
"I know I haven't been the best girlfriend and I.. I have no excuse. Because you deserve more than the best. You deserve so much more than me and what I can offer. I am just so sorry, love," I say, knowing my tears are falling freely and not caring.
She wipes them for me, still not really saying anything. Then.
"If you say nothing was going to happen, then I believe you," she says, searching my eyes. "I know I keep assuming things are something when they're not.. but I know you could have anyone else. And I guess it's been hard to believe you only want me."
"No, none of this is on you. You shouldn't have to feel that way. I should be making sure you never doubt that or me or us. I am so over the moon knowing you're my girlfriend. Like I have literally pinched myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. And I guess I've been so flabbergasted at the fact I get to be with you, I neglected to realize what some of my actions may seem like."
Now she's crying and I'm wiping her tears. It's a thing we do.
No one should have to wipe their own tears.
"I am so deeply in love with you, Nat. You consume me. You're all I want or think about. When I wake up and when I go to bed and in my dreams and everything in between. It's you. It's only you, Nat."
She doesn't say anything, she just pulls me into her. I melt at the feeling of her lips on mine and I let the moment take me.
She pulls away, our lungs fighting for oxygen.
"I do know you love me. You show me all the time. I guess I am just so in love with you that it's almost terrifying to think of what I would fall into if you left," she reveals.
"Love, I am not going anywhere. In this life and the next and the next; I am yours. When I said I gave you my heart and soul, I also gave you the key, the password, and I used your fingerprint."
She smiles. God I love that smile. Her smile. Her. It's all I will ever need or want.
"And let me tell you, my beautiful, sexy, goddess girlfriend," I put emphasis on every word, "I don't even see anyone else. They're like walking blobs that make noises and occasionally talk. You are like my light and everything around me is blurred out."
And I finally get a full laugh from her. My turn to smile.
"Mm, you really do have a way with words," she says shaking her head.
"What can I say, it's one of my many talents," I give her a wink.
"It is. But, I'd prefer if you used one of your other talents," she smirks back.
"I have so many.. you may have to be more specific," I tease back.
Her hand that was placed around my neck slowly finds its way down my chest, stopping briefly at my exposed stomach.
"You're walking around like this, not only teasing me, but letting everyone else see," mmm, her tone is doing something to me.
"Don't worry, princess, you get to unwrap the rest."
Her eyes grow dark and I no longer want to have this much space between us.
Almost as if she was thinking the same thing, we pull together, this time the kiss full of hunger and desire. She jumps up, her legs wrapping around my waist. I hold under her thighs to help keep her up.
Shoving the door open, I find my way over to her bed, letting us fall with me on top of her. We pull away for the briefest moment.
"How long until you leave for that mission?"
"Long enough," she breaths out.
That's all I need as I deliberately take my time peeling off her clothes, letting her have the pleasure of taking mine off like I promised.
I will never tire of this. Of her beauty, of this feeling. She's mine. Her beauty is every inch of her. Every mole and scar that I have committed to memory; it's all her. All of her is beautiful.
And I'm going to make sure she feels, that she knows, how magnificent she is.
Over and over and over..