Rose's POV
I remember I once heard from The Fault in Our Stars that the thing about pain is "it demands to be felt."
But when you got hurt so much, your heart would start to get numb. It would suddenly stop feeling anything. But you know you're still hurting.
I'm still so lucky I got my friends who always have my back.
Jennie is always joining us at lunch ever since she and I learned about Soyeon and her friends slapping Elise. She is really so influential in school, nobody dares talking behind our backs whenever she's with us. Van is also always with us four. He keeps treating us to snacks after class, and last Sunday when we had a group date, he took us to a really fancy restaurant. I jokingly said he's really rich because he doesn't care spending money, but he told me, "I don't mind spending for important people." That earned a whoop and a tap on the back from Elise and Sue.
It has been two weeks since I stopped minding JK. I don't talk to him at home. Yes, I'm still not going back to my own place. Mom said Auntie needs us right now. Aunt Annaly is getting really depressed. She's also losing weight. Just yesterday, someone came at the house and said Auntie must go to the bank and talk regarding her properties.
I always eat at the same table with JK, breakfast and dinner. But I don't look at him now. I know Auntie notices it, she even once tried having us talk by asking us to buy something at the grocery store. But it was JK who stopped her and went out without a word. Auntie stopped trying us to talk to each other since. Good thing is that Mom doesn't interfere with my decision to ignore JK. She knew what happened.
"Honey, it would help you grow up," Mom had told me, "getting hurt would help you make better choices."
That's what makes me optimistic now. I should be careful with my choices. I realized there are far better things to prioritize.
Besides, I'm still young. I got to enjoy life instead of hurting!
So here I am now at a bright Saturday morning, eating ice cream and fries while watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas in my laptop. I'm at the middle of the movie when knocks through my door came, and a grumpy looking Jasmine came, holding her big teddy bear.
"What is it?" I asked as she sat down beside me on the bed.
"Can I stay here?" she asked, lying on her stomach and resting her face on her palms. "What's this movie? Can we watch a horror film, Rosie?"
Look at this kid.
"Why don't you watch downstairs?"
She pouted, "JK's girlfriend is there. They're flirting on the sofa and they're such an eyesore."
Oh. So Soyeon is here then?
A sharp pain quickly passed through my chest, but I dismissed it like a defense mechanism.
Does she know I live here?
I saw Jasmine staring at me. "Why?"
She smirked, "Aren't you jealous?"
I sighed. Of course. But I shook my head. "I am not."
"Who are you kidding?" She focused her eyes on the laptop.
"Don't you like Soyeon? She's pretty, and she's really good at dancing," I nudged her, "You like dancing right?"
She rolled her eyes, "Nah. I like singing better. And she's so clingy to JK! She's pretty, yes. But I don't like her."
I laughed at her reaction. "You like me better?"
"Of course not!" she stopped the movie. "Well, if I'm going to choose between you and that girl..." She looked at me, "I'd prefer you. I can do whatever to you, you know."
"Yeah, because you know you can be a brat with me," I pinched her cheek.
"Ouch! Tsh!" She scrolled through the movie list. "I wanna watch this!" Soon, she's rolling on my bed like it's her own, shouting from time to time at every creepy sound.
I let her be, and so I contented myself with listening to some music.
Lunch time passed, and we're still not leaving our seats. At 12:45, Jasmine is already in the second movie. She must have felt hungry because she paused it and tugged at my arm she could reach, "Rosie, you want pizza?"
"No," I answered without looking at her.
"There's some down the kitchen. Let's reheat it?"
"Ask your brother."
She rolled her eyes, then stood. "Don't close the movie, okay? I'll go back."
Like a boss, she went out.
I want to eat too. But I don't want to go downstairs.
Wait, why won't I go down? It's not as if I did something wrong.
So I went down.
I know I could walk past them without getting affected. I know I feel numb now.
So I marched down the stairs and into the living room. But it was a bad, bad idea.
The moment I landed on the last step, I saw Soyeon wrap her arms around JK in a sort of hug.
Something throbbed painfully inside me. It pierced me from the chest, right through my heart. That's why they say heartbreak is same as physical pain...
I felt my eyes water up as my tears threatened to fall, but hell no. Like I would cry in front of them?
So I walked past them to the dining room where Jasmine is. She's putting the pizza into the oven.
"Let me," I said, taking it from her.
"I thought you don't want it?"
"I'm hungry, so I should prioritize my stomach," I jokingly said as we both watch the pizza heat up inside the oven.
Minutes later, the pizza was laid on the table. With a platter each, Jasmine and I were debating on whether hot sauce is better than plain ketchup when JK entered the kitchen.
He went to the fridge. I focused my eyes on my pizza.
"Babe--" came Soyeon's silky voice, "I want some pizza too? But I don't like pineapples..."
What?! She doesn't like pineapples? Oh my gosh!
"JK likes them," Jasmine said.
"Really?" Soyeon said. I felt her approach us. Maybe JK told her that I live here...
I immediately placed three slices of pizza on my platter. I should go to my room---
"You don't know?" Jasmine said like a brat she is, "Rosie knows it."
I choked with the pizza. I drank water and frowned at Jasmine. I could feel eyes watching me but I dare not look.
"Rosie, can I eat and watch movie in your room?" I heard Jasmine asked. She, too, is piling slices of pizza on her plate.
"You're watching a movie?" Soyeon asked. "I love comedies---"
"Ew." Jasmine said with a grimace which almost made me laugh, "who watches over-acting comedies? We're watching horror movies, where the ghosts sneak up after bitches---"
"Jasmine!"/"Jaz!"
JK and I spoke at the same time. Jasmine smirked, "Oops. My bad."
"You should not speak like that," I told her. "Give me your plate and bring these bottles of juice. Let's go upstairs." I went up, and I looked at where Jasmine is.
But my eyes accidentally landed on JK.
He is watching me.
I made sure I did not give any sign that I saw him. My eyes went from him to Jasmine as I nod at her to go.
***
I thought Soyeon would leave at 5:30, but it seemed she's staying until dinner. I wanted to stay in my room after she has left, but when Auntie arrived, I was forced to go out. Mom went to buy some stuff so she's not yet here.
I heard Auntie's high pitched voice from the top of the stairs.
"---staying for dinner? Oh sure! But unfortunately dear, I am too tired to cook. Rhea isn't here yet, she's having some errands for her boss. So I thought we should just order food. Hang on, I'll make the call..."
Auntie is ordering food for dinner? That's new...
I got down the stairs, and Auntie saw me. Her face brightened. "Rosie dear! Where is Jasmine?"
"In my room auntie, she's finishing the movie."
"Okay. What do you want for dinner? Shall I order pasta? Or chicken?"
"Mom," JK interfered, "I'm going to cook."
He's cooking for her...
"What? Why honey?"
"Soyeon's eating with us." He said flatly.
Soyeon smiled, "It's okay, I can eat anything, babe."
Babe?!
Auntie coughed at the word, but she managed to hide it as clearing her throat, "Fine. I'll cook." Then, with forehead raised and a her lips pursed in obvious disagreement, she took my hand, "Help me dear. Oh," she shook her head when Soyeon moved to go with us, "you should wait and sit down, miss. I don't like strangers in my kitchen! Hihi!"
"Mom!" JK said in a protesting tone.
"It's okay, babe," Soyeon said. "I'll wait here, Auntie. I'm excited to try your cooking. I heard you're a great cook."
"Yes, but it depends on my mood," said Auntie sourly, then pulled me away.
"Auntie," I muttered when we're both in the kitchen. "JK might get angry."
"Let him. I don't care about that girl who calls him babe. Tsk, tsk. I don't know what's gotten into his head," Auntie started taking ingredients from the fridge. "What do you want for dinner, honey?"
"Anything, Auntie."
"If it's not for you, I really won't cook tonight. Hmph!" and still mumbling, she went on to prepare the food.
I helped her with dicing the vegetables and slicing the chicken. It's not pretty much work, as Auntie decided to cook a simple chicken stew. She said she needs "comfort" right now.
Mom arrived just before dinner is served. I think Aunt Annaly told her that Soyeon is here because she wasn't surprised when she saw her in the dining room. She even greeted her happily. I wanted to sigh at Mom's friendliness with Soyeon, but I guess there's it would be rude. So I pretended not to care.
For dessert, we have the fruitcake bought by Mom in her way here. She sliced it into eight pieces, giving one to me and to Jasmine. I don't know if she really intended not to put any slice on to JK's plate. But she slightly pushed the cake towards him with a smile.
This dinner is very much unlike our previous dinners. There's awkwardness in the air, which I think, Jasmine even noticed because she keeps looking at the adults then pout down on her plate.
"Mom," JK said after a while. "How's your business?"
I turned my gaze up at Auntie. She put her spoon down, and beamed at us. "Well, Mr. Nelsonn is seeing hope for us. You know, there is this Mr. Yuan Lee who wanted to invest. We're in talks with him, since he could see that the restaurant could succeed."
I saw Soyeon smiled at JK.
"That's good to hear," JK said.
"Whoever this Mr. Yuan Lee is," Mom said, "he is such a blessing."
"Yes," Auntie smiled hopefully, "That is why, I think we should celebrate! Do you have plans tomorrow?"
"Theme park!" Jasmine exclaimed, "Mom, let's go to a theme park!"
Mom smiled at Aunt Annaly, "I don't have work tomorrow."
"We can't go," JK said. "Sy and I would go somewhere."
Auntie's face turned sour.
Soyeon held JK's arm, "We could go with them?"
"How about you dear?" Auntie asked me.
I shook my head, "I don't have anything Auntie."
"We should not cancel meeting your parents, Sy." JK said.
Auntie looked at her son in shock, "You're meeting whom, son?"
"Sy's parents. I'll go to her house tomorrow, I'll have lunch there," JK put down her spoon. "Sy, it's late. I think I have to get you home." He stood and reached for Soyeon's hand.
She took it, and smiled at us all. "It's a wonderful dinner. Thanks everyone! Good night, Auntie Anna, Auntie Rhea, Jasmine, and you, Rose Anne." She smiled at me.
I nodded. "Take care."
Take care. I'm so stupid.
Auntie and Mom did not react until they both left. To avoid being asked, I went to my room and locked up.
The moment I lie down on my bed, everything I have been cooping up all day came at me. I buried my face on my pillow as tears rush from my eyes.
Why does it have to hurt so much?
It doesn't matter how much lie I put into this, whether I act like I care or not, still... it's always so painful.
I slept while crying. I think it's a good thing, because I don't want them to know what I'm going through.
----In third person
9:45PM is still early. But the moment JK got home, everything in the house is quiet.
He and Soyeon had a stroll at the park before he took her home. He's thankful for her, especially now that he could see her mom is smiling again.
When he got upstairs, he stopped by Rose Anne's door. The lights in her room is still on. It meant she's still awake. Before he could stop himself, he held the knob. But when he turned it, it's locked.
Sighing, he stepped back. If he wanted to fix everything, he should step back. He should let go.
So he walked to his room.
Just as he opened his door, Rose Anne came out. His gaze landed on her face and she was shocked to see him. But it's the puffy eyes and red nose he could all see. He opened his mouth to say something, but she immediately looked away. She turned her back on him and headed to the stairs.
He followed her with his eyes.
There's nothing he could do for her. He just hopes everything would be okay with his mom soon, so Rose Anne could leave.
He could not bear seeing her... Getting hurt like this.