Happiness is a Myth

Chapter 25

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Link rubs his head with shaky hands as his emotions continue to flood out: "I'm SO angry and I can't do anything about it! It's killing me!"

Rhett: "I don't understand.."

Link continues to scream: "I'm angry at Michael for literally pulling my pants down in front of the whole world! I'm angry at my neighbors for making me feel like this is all my fault! I'm angry that even while I'm grieving the loss of my wife, I have to move my children from the only home they have ever known and console them when I can't even comfort myself! I AM ANGRY, RHETT!"

Link takes a few deep breaths then says in a softer voice: "I am angry at you for entwining our lives to the point where we can no longer exist as separate individuals. But.. most of all.. I'm angry at myself."

Rhett: "Why?"

Link looks up to glare at his friend: "Because in the course of surviving the past few months, I willingly gave so much of myself to the point where I can't recognize who I am anymore. I became the balance in this house and you took my role as the wild one."

Link lets out a bitter laugh: "You jokingly call me "the substitute-mom" and that's what I became. The crapy-est mom knockoff who can't even take his daughter to college tours or attend soccer practice or play outside with his kids or clean the freakin house.."

Rhett puts his hand up to stop Link's endless rant: "Link, I was just joking when I said that. My kids got attached to you because you make them feel safe and cared for. I honestly felt jealous for a while until I realized that you offer them emotional stability and security. These are my two biggest weaknesses and I appreciate you for pulling the weight for the both of us."

Link shakes his head: "It's not enough! I'm not doing a good job at it, Rhett!"

The taller man can visually see Link shaking as his thoughts are finally coming out in the open. Link tries his best to compose himself before he continues: "My pillars are broken. I don't know who I am and what I'm supposed to be anymore. By sitting here and being unproductive, I contribute nothing to this world but create more chaos and now.. They want to take the last place on earth that I can lay my head in at the end of the day.. And I can't complain about it because it's my fault.. I'm literally brewing in a cycle of anger, self loathing and crap ton of guilt!"

Rhett tries to reach over to hold Link's hand: "It's ok, Link."

Link slaps his hand away: "Don't tell me it's ok when it's clearly not! I'm not that stupid, Rhett."

Link nervously rubs his forehead and turns to stare once again at the door: "I don't want to be here.."

Rhett whispers: "Where do you want to be?"

A few tears fall down Link's cheeks as he looks wistfully at the door: "I want to be under the sun. I want to feel the air in my hair and nod to random strangers as I walk around to clear my head."

Link closes his eyes and smiles sadly: "I want to play outside with my kids. I want to walk jade and go on date nights with my wife. I want to go on stupid adventures with you and share it with the world. I want to go grocery shopping and burn the house trying to make our crew's favorite meals.. I miss being free and doing things without fear of being watched and judged."

Rhett felt deep sadness as he heard Link ask for the stupidest things any human should be able to do: "What's stopping you?"

Link opens his eyes to stare back at the door: "There are 40+ agents spread out around this property who I have to drag around everywhere I go. There are 200+ neighbors living within looking distance from this house who can't live their normal lives because of the countless paparazzi scattered around this area. I can't predict what Michael, who is constantly watching me, will do if I sneeze wrong. Not to mention the nurse who gave up his precious time with his family to stay here and get me back on my feet, or you, who've been working non stop to cover for me or the kids who need so many things that are still on the back burner.. My brain will find a million reasons not to step out of that door even though the only one who can stop me is me. I've been selfish enough.. I have no right to ask for more."