First Love, Last Love

What A Way To End

Sofia

It had been a year since Jaxon and I moved into our new home, we had since welcomed a beautiful healthy baby boy.

Everything in our lives was perfect now. Besides missing some loved ones.

My little girl was a happy 3 year old, she was going to nursery 3 days a week now, ready to start big school when she was 4.

I picked Noah up our of his cot and opened Ezmaya's stair gate for her.
I took the kids downstairs and made breakfast, Ezmaya loved pancakes and fruit, Noah liked porridge.

After I fed them and dressed them I sorted breakfast for Jaxon. He had work but I didn't.

I left the kids watching CBeebies and headed upstairs to wake Jaxon.
I sat on the side of the bed and gently nudged him "wake up sleeping beauty."

He groaned and opened his eyes, then gave me that gorgeous smile he always did in the morning.

"Are you looking forward to work baby." I asked.

"Meh it could be alright yeah" he grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "very enthusiastic."

We both laughed. I gave him a kiss and headed back downstairs with the kids while he got ready for work.

Jaxon came downstairs and gave both the kids kisses "be good for mommy" she said to Sofia. "I will daddy; love you" she said back.
"I love you too baby girl"

They melted my heart. I said goodbye to Jaxon and he left for work.
I got the kids ready and put them both in the car.

We headed to nursery to drop Ezmaya off, she was singing shallow by lady Gaga in the car. I sang along with her.

We pulled up at nursery and I got Noah out, Ezmaya got herself out. We headed inside and hung up Ezmaya's coat; then I helped her write her name and said goodbye to her.

I put noah back in the car and headed to the grave yard, on the way I stopped in at the flower shop and got a bunch of pink flowers with a butterfly in them.

When we got to the grave yard Noah was asleep in his car seat, I decided to leave him in the car.
So I drove into the grave yard and right up to the grave. I got out of the car and opened the back door on Noah's side so I could hear if he woke up.

I felt like such a bitch; I hadn't been here since before Noah was born.

I sat on the side of the grave and put the flowers in the pot next to the headstone.

There was a card on there it said 'always in my thoughts' next to it was a teddy saying baby's first birthday.
I thought 'Ria must have been down here on Becca's birthday.'

I picked up the card and read it out loud.
"My darling Freya,
I can't believe our little girl is a year old already.
Life's so hard without you here,
I miss you so much and I will always love you
Corey xxx"

The cheek of it. He had abandoned his little girl when she needed him most and then he came to Freya's grave claiming to love her. He never would have give up Becca if he loved Freya.

I put the card back, I was going to Rip it up but at the end of the day Freya had love for Corey, I doubt she still would of she knew what he had done.

"Hey girl, it's been crazy.. I miss you so much, there's not a day goes by when I don't think of you.
I know I haven't been here much lately but I know you're always with me and when I miss you I just think of you and I can feel you there.
We have a section in our garden for you and Ezra, Ezmaya goes out every night and says goodnight to you both. She says you are the stars that watch over her while she sleeps."

I looked at the photo of Freya on the headstone.

"Becca is growing up to be just like you, she has your eyes, your smile, your laugh.. she's a mini you.
Lucy and Smit are giving her such a happy and loving childhood; and that makes me happy because I know that's what you would have wanted for her, she can say mama freyfrey now, and every time she sees a feather she says it. She will never forget you."

I couldn't help but feel like shit about the fact I had never told her what happened to her mother. I had to get it.

"I know you will already know this by now but I have to make peace with myself. I have to tell you what really happened..
Your mom was a lovely person and she didn't deserve what happened to her, but Jaxon did it.. he didn't want to and he hates himself for it; I hate that I knew and I never told you; but I couldn't lose you as a friend. You mean the whole world to me.."

I wiped my tears.

"Jaxon doesn't work in the morgue anymore; he's actually took a job as a police officer, he's working closely with Ryder and he's a good person now, he doesn't get the urge to kill anymore and he doesn't like to see dead bodies. He's changed.. I'm going back to school, I want to be a paramedic. I want to help people that need help. We just want to be the best role models for our kids.

Noah was born weighing 7lbs and 6oz, he was a big baby, his birth went a lot smoother than Ezmaya's and we had him christened too, Ria and Smit were godparents, we had your photo there and asked the priest to make you his godparent too. He seemed confused by the request but I know you will watch over my children and guide them.
I wish I didn't have to take to a photo of you, I wish we could talk in person but I accept that's never going to happen again and this is all I get."

I took a photo of Becca out of my pocket and looked at it.
"This was taken on her first birthday; she's such a happy little girl.. she's doing you proud every single day.."

I got up and said my goodbyes and then got back in the car. I pulled the mirror down and checked my makeup, it was a mess.

I tried to tidy myself up a little, I was meeting Ria and Lucy in an hour with Becca and Cole. I couldn't wait to see them, they all lived around the corner from me. We were still very close.

I got to Costa a little bit late. Ria and Lucy were already sat talking. I headed over to them
"I'm so sorry I'm late"

Ria smiled "don't worry about it."

Lucy nodded. "we order you a frappe."

I sat down and smiled "you ladies know me so well."

Ria grinned. "were meant to aren't we."

Lucy sipped her drink "so hows things?"

She took noah from me, he giggled at her. He loves his auntie Lucy.

I looked at Becca in her pram
"great actually, can I?"

Lucy nodded "of course"

I picked Becca up from her pram and kissed her head "hi princess, you're getting so big"

She babbled away

Lucy watched her. "her favourite word is dada at the moment"

"That's so sweet where is Cole?"

Ria sighed. "he's with Katie, he didn't want to come, sorry"

Lucy laughed. "too many girls I suppose."

We all laughed.

Ria looked at us "I kind of have some news for you both."

Lucy frowned. "what news?"

"please be good news." I couldn't handle bad news.

Ria laughed. "I'm pregnant. It's a girl"

"Oh my god congrats." Lucy and I said together.

Ria smiled. "thank you both; were so happy."

It made my day so much better, I was happy for Ria and Katie.
Everyone was finally at peace with their lives and themselves.

What more could we ask for.