Spring Forward, Fall Back (Alucard x Chubby! Reader)

Chapter 19 - Oh, Do Shut Up, Trevor!

Sypha P.O.V.

I awoke to the smell of warm bread and tea with the morning sun dappled through the window and birds singing their good mornings. I saw that Trevor was just beginning to stir, so I moved out of the bed and did my morning routine before he awoke fully. I was just returning while straightening my cloak when Trevor finally sat up in bed.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to waking up smelling food like this," Trevor said with a smirk and a stretch.

"I rather like it," I responded. "Its lovely to know that I'll be able to eat without those old men and slutty women staring at me like they do in a tavern."

Trevor coughed and grunted. Standing up in all his naked glory, he walked to the chair where he'd left his clothes and began to dress for the day. Sitting back down to put on his boots, he chuckled.

"Wonder if ol' Fang Face got laid last night." He turned his head to look at me and gave me his signature smirk and wiggling eyebrows.

'Why does he have to be such an insufferable twit?' I asked myself before making my way to the door.

"Whether he did or not is none of your concern and I would thank you to keep your mouth shut for a change."

"Then don't thank me," he said briskly before moving through the doorway. I shook my head and followed behind.

When we got to the kitchen, there stood Y/N, humming and swaying to the music from her tablet and Alucard looking through the pantry. I pulled Trevor to a stop and slapped my hand over his mouth before he was able to say anything just so we could stand back and watch the couple. Alucard found whatever it was he was looking for and made his way over to Y/N with a smile. When he got behind her, he leaned over her shoulder and muttered something to her which elicited a short laugh and and elbow to his stomach. He grunted from the impact but started chuckling himself when he dug his face into her neck. She shrieked with laughter and shoved him back with her butt before Trevor finally dislodged my hand from his face.

"Good morning!" He hollered way too loudly. The couple at the stove visibly jumped before Alucard turned to look at us. "Anything to report?"

"Don't mind this over-blown windbag," I said as a way of apologizing. "What are you cooking?"

Y/N turned and smiled. "I'm making up the last of the eggs with a bit of cheese and some wild mushrooms Adrian found for me. I wanted to use onion, but it looks as though I used it all up."

"Sounds pretty good to me," Trevor bellowed.

"Pardon me for asking," Y/N said as she divided up the eggs, "but are you starting to go deaf? I mean you are pretty old after all, so..." Alucard started to chuckle while moving plates over to the table.

"I'm not that fucking old," Trevor responded with a scowl.

"It's the only way I can explain why you're being such a loud fuckwad this morning. Otherwise, I'll have to chalk it up to you just being a complete and utter douche nozzle."

Now Trevor was upset. "What the fuck is a douche nozzle? You'd better tell me, wench!"

Y/N came to the table, sat down and began eating her breakfast. Suddenly, she stopped what she was doing, reached down and pulled out a piece of paper from her bag. Once she had it on the table, she rolled it into a sort of cone shape and aimed toward Trevor's ear. Taking a deep breath, she answered him.

"A DOUCHE NOZZLE IN MY TIME IS A PIECE OF PLASTIC THAT IS USED TO DELIVER CLEANSING WATER AND VINEGAR TO A WOMAN'S TWAT! I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE AS USEFUL AS ONE, JUST THAT YOU ARE ONE!"