Love You With The Lights On (Lesbian teacherxstudent Story)

fifty nine

May 5, 2019

Guidry and Leslie came to help me get ready for the funeral. They helped dress me and fix my hair and makeup.

I was still the shell of myself, dead inside. There was so much pain within my heart, it just shut off. There's no more emotion, no more feeling. I'm just being. And for right now, that has to be okay.

"How's she?" I heard Emily ask, forcing me to look up at her through the mirror.

Everytime I looked at Emily, I could tell she wanted to talk, but I couldn't handle that right now. I needed her here with me, so the longer I refused to talk to her, the longer I get to keep her. I fear that she's going to tell me that she wants to leave me for Taylor. It's like I can see it in her eyes that she wants out.

"She's okay. Almost ready." Leslie spoke for me.

"Andrea and Bradley are requesting her at the—" She started to speak, swallowing before continuing, "as soon as possible."

Everyone was so careful to not say the wrong thing, they hardly ever said anything at all.

"And, she's done." Leslie said, closing the makeup compact she held.

I looked at myself in the mirror, then turned to exit the bathroom. I didn't recognize myself. I'm not a dark person, but my mom was my source of sunshine. Since she's gone, I have no more light. She took my happiness with her when she passed.

"I'll drive you, my love." Emily carefully laid a hand on my back.

I looked at her, accepting her offer.

I grabbed a necklace from my jewelry box, before following Emily to her car.

"I wish you'd say something." She spoke quietly.

I looked over at her as she drove.

"I miss your voice." She commented.

My heart tightened. It was the first emotional response I've experienced in days. It hurt.

"I just want you to know—" She started to try to talk to me again as she laid a hand on my knee.

"No." I spoke sternly.

Her eyes darted to mine, not for long, because she was forced to watch the road.

"I don't— it's not bad." She tried.

"No." I repeated.

"Alaina, please forgive me." Her voice grew desperate.

"No." Was the only word I knew how to say. I didn't know what else to say to her to keep her from talking. I didn't want her to break up with me, especially not today.

"Babe, no, listen to me." She demanded.

I shook my head at her when she looked at me.

"I can't lose you too. I lost Dakota and now, I've lost my mom. I can't lose you too." Tears spilled from my eyes. I wiped them away quickly.

"I'm not going anywhere." Her voice was firm.

I couldn't speak any longer, the knot in my throat was sharp.

"I was hoping you forgave me for basically throwing you out the other night. I— won't go into details about it, because it doesn't matter. What does matter, is that I want you. I don't want to be with anyone else and I don't want to be without you." She spoke quickly, refusing to let me interrupt her.

I was quiet, taking in her words.

"Say something." She requested.

I couldn't. I still felt the urge to cry.