Love You With The Lights On (Lesbian teacherxstudent Story)

fifty three

Hi, I know I said I would update twice yesterday, but I had a midterm due... then it was 3am and I didn't know what to do. SORRY. But here is an update from Emily's POV for you to make up for yesterday.

Taking care of Alaina proved to be far more challenging than I was expecting. She had some very dark days. Those were the days that scared me the most, because was so destructive and didn't care about the effects of what she was doing. Thankfully, she remained physically safe through this.
She made it through the funeral fairly well, and even gave a speech. Leslie pulled her to sit up front with her and Dakota's little sisters, which Alaina didn't mind one bit of course. I think helping Leslie arrange the funeral helped Alaina in some way, but I know once they found her resting outfit, Alaina spiraled back down.
Proud would be an understatement.
She is so strong. Stronger than I could ever be. With me, she could let it all out, which I was grateful for, but around everyone else, she held it together seemlessly.
I, on the other hand, haven't given myself proper timing to handle my feelings surrounding Dakota's passing. I've bottled it all up and placed it on the back-burner in order to give Alaina my full attention.
This one girl had changed so many lives. It's hard to think that she's not here any longer.
I think Alaina would prefer some time alone to fully process her feelings, but I was too scared to leave her alone after what happened.
She would be returning to school today, for the first time in three weeks, so I was admittedly more aware of her than I usually was, which I could tell was bugging her. She would be trying to reintroduce herself into her normal life again, but without her best friend.
The night I checked on her, we packed up some of her stuff and everything Moose would need and moved them both to my apartment. I wanted to help her in any way I possibly could and taking her out of places that could remind her of Dakota seemed like a good move.
She hasn't even been back to the hospital to visit her mom, because she can't handle looking at the building.
My heart hurt for her.
I watched as she applied makeup to her face in my bathroom mirror. She smiled at me.
For a second, she was back. She was okay for a split moment, but when that smile dropped, the sadness reappeared.
I wrapped my arms around her from behind. I moved her hair from her neck and placed a gentle, innocent kiss on the base of her neck.
"I'm okay." She told me.
"Okay." I nodded.
I knew she wasn't fully there, but she's trying.
She turned her head and gave me a real kiss.
I hadn't felt her kiss or touch since it happened. I savored her lips against mine for the few seconds they rested there, then pressed them together when she pulled away.
She is going to be okay. I know it. She just has to make it out of the storm.
"I had a dream about her last night." She confessed to me.
"Dakota?" I asked softly.
She nodded, smiling at me.
"She was happy. She told me she was okay." She spoke with a small smile on her lips.
I smiled back at her.
"I miss her." She dropped her smile and her hands as the sadness reappeared.
"I know." I whispered.
"I really miss her." She nodded.
"I know." I repeated.
"Will it get easier?" She asked, emotionless.
I knew she was hurting. I knew she had lost a piece of her heart. She needed to know how to heal it. It doesn't heal, but it will get easier.
"Yes, eventually." I told her.
"When?" She looked at me.
"I don't know." I was honest with her.
She needed reality, not some sugar-coated lie to help her feel better now.
She nodded, taking her eyes away from me again.
I held her head and pressed a kiss into the side.
"Leslie invited me over for dinner tonight." She told me.
"That's nice of her." I remained unopinionated.
"I'm scared to be there— you know, without Kota." She was confiding in me.
"I think it could be a good idea. It'll hurt, sure, but I think you need it." I grew more quiet as the words flowed.
She nodded and leaned into me.
"Can I come back here after, even if it's late?" She was quiet.
"Of course." I wrapped my arms around her.
I kissed the top of her head.
I am so grateful she finds a space to feel safe here. I'm grateful she feels safe with me.
"I love you." I whispered against her hair.
"I love you. Thank you." She turned to hug me.
I absorbed her warmth, feeling it throughout my entire body. She is my favorite thing in the world. My stomach erupts with butterflies everytime she touches me.
I held her head with one hand and kissed it once more.
"Let's do it." She breathed before releasing me.
I squeezed her shoulders and nodded.
"I just hope no one looks at me stupid." She spoke.
I lifted her chin and placed a single quick kiss to her lips.
                       _________________
I saw her in class and she seemed fine, but when I entered the dance room to get ready for team practice, she was sitting there.
She was sitting with Victoria and I couldn't help the jealousy that rose within me. Just this morning she was confiding in me and choosing me, but now she's back to Victoria. I knew how selfish my thoughts were, so I pushed them away. She has someone else looking out her, be grateful for that too.
Victoria placed a hand on Alaina's knee, which caused her to look up. I noticed her red, puffy eyes. She didn't make it through the day.
My heart broke and I couldn't resist the urge to comfort her, so I moved to her and hugged her. I placed a strong kiss to her head, unafraid of Victoria's reaction.
I went to pull away, but Alaina stopped me.
"You okay?" I whispered.
"I saw her locker. I came in here for lunch and I saw it." She spoke, then was quiet for a few moments. "I didn't make it back to class. I've been in here since."
I nodded and looked at Victoria, who wore a sad expression.
"Hey, that's okay. Baby steps are still steps. You're here." I told her, petting her head.
She nodded and slightly smiled.
"Have you eaten?" I asked.
"I went in there to get my lunch, but then I saw—" She tried to talk, but stopped herself, before she got choked up.
I packed her that lunch. I'm the reason she had to see the locker when she did.
"Right, let me get it for you. You need to eat, love." I laid my hand on her shoulder and squeezed.
I did as promised and went to grab her the lunch I packed her this morning.
I looked to Dakota's locker and noticed how much duller it seemed now that the bright girl who once occupied it isn't here anymore. I pressed my fingers to my lips, then laid them on the cold metal.
"I've got her." I whispered, as if I were talking to Dakota.
I wanted her to know that I was taking care of her best friend, since she wasn't here to do it herself.
"I've got her." I repeated as I took my hand away.
I opened the locker next to her's, which is Alaina's. I took the bag from the top shelf and with one more glance at Dakota's locker, I returned to my heart.
I needed to believe that I was in some way helping both Alaina and Dakota by taking a more caring role over Alaina. I needed to believe that Alaina was going to be okay.
Alaina ate the food little by little while practice went on. She didn't make it into the dance room, but she made it through being here. It was progress.
She wished to be alone, so we kept the team away from her. Though I didn't agree with it, I respected her decision.
She's retreating back into herself. She hadn't said a word since before she began eating.
Another episode was well underway. She'll shut down for a few days, incapable of performing basic human tasks. She'll refuse to eat or drink anything, shower, and sleep. It'll be like caring for a baby, except she's one-hundred and twenty pounds and five foot six. It's exhausting, but I love her far more than to let this have any affect on our relationship. This is her way of dealing with pain. I took comfort in drugs and alcohol, so I'd much rather this alternative if it meant that she wouldn't go down the same path I did.
I got her home and made sure she had enough to eat, before showering, and going to bed.
She gently declined Leslie's proposal for dinner, because she didn't feel up to it. Though over text, I'm proud she did it at all.
I finished up some paperwork, with Moose keeping me company, then scooped him up and headed to the bedroom. I smiled when I saw that she had fallen asleep. When she was asleep, she rested. She was at peace for a few hours. I could almost see the stress leaving her body to allow her to rest.
I set Moose on the bed then carefully crawled on to my side and admired her beauty as she slept.
I was about to settle into a comfortable position to fall asleep myself, but I watched her eyes open. Her beautiful eyes opened and searched until they found mine.
She smiled and moved closer to me.
Without any words, she cuddled up to me, and allowed herself to fall back to sleep with ease. I kissed her ear, since it was the only thing I could reach.
Maybe she wouldn't disappear this time. Maybe she's slowly getting better.
I quickly found it easy to fall into a deep sleep, holding the love of my life in my arms.