Love You With The Lights On (Lesbian teacherxstudent Story)

fifty six

Alaina was almost back to being herself. She was almost back, then her mom grew sicker. She was spending every night at the hospital to be with her mom.
My heart felt tight everyday.
This girl was supposed to be worrying about committing to a college and who should would be rooming with in her dorms next year. Instead, she was dealing with the loss of her best friend and her mother's illness. I knew she was hurting more than I could even imagine. Sure, I had lost in my life, but not nearly as much as she has. When I lost my dad, I was an adult already. He had seen me graduate high school and college. Alaina had been cheated of the opportunity to graduate beside her best friend and to go away to college with her. If her mom passes, Alaina will have been cheated far more. Her graduations, starting her career, her wedding, her children. Alaina will never be able to share this with her mom if she dies.
Her siblings have grown distant from her, which breaks my heart. My dad's declining health brought us closer together than we ever were, but this illness was driving them away from each other. She needed them now more than ever. They needed to lean on each other, but they, as the older siblings, also needed to pick Alaina up. She wasn't given the same amount of time with their mom as they were. She can't do this alone. Sure, I'm here, but I'm not her family. I have no ties to her childhood, they do. I wish I had authority to tell them to get over themselves and be there for each other. I know they have their own families or starting of a family, but Alaina doesn't have that. She's not even out of high school, let alone college. She needs a strong support system to make up for her mom's place. I can only do so much, I can't fulfill everything she needs. I know I'm not enough for her in this situation. As her partner, I can support her and love her, but I can't take on the roles of her family's love and support.
I baked her a batch of brownies, which are her favorite sweet treat, and decided to visit her at the hospital since I missed her face.
I entered her mom's room, brownies in hand, and smiled at Alaina.
"Hi." She smiled widely.
"Hi." I widened my smile in response.
"Oh— Emily! I was hoping to see you." Lindsey spoke to me.
Alaina's smile faded quickly at the sound of her mom's voice.
"Me?" I asked, tearing my attention from my heart.
"Yes, I wanted to talk to you." She nodded.
My heart grew anxious. Last time she talked to me, she revealed how sick she actually was at the time.
"Lainey, can you go get me more of the blue jello?" She laid her hand over Alaina's.
Alaina nodded and quietly rose from the bed.
She was about to walk out, but I grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.
I lightly kissed the top of her head and released her to allow her to follow her mom's request.
She looked like a zombie. Alaina wasn't present with me, she was in her head.
I watched Alaina exit the room before I nervously turned to Lindsey.
"Sit." She invited me to the bed.
I faced her as I obliged.
She took my hand in hers and smiled at me.
She looks beautiful, as always, but she does look sick. It's eating away at the woman she was.
"You have to make sure she succeeds. This— I can't break her. I can't be the reason she doesn't go anywhere. Please, make sure she does something." She started to tear up.
"I will." I accepted.
I knew she was sicker than she would ever tell. I could see it in her eyes.
"I don't want to overwhelm you— but, I know she trusts you and I know she's going to need someone. So, don't let her push you away." Lindsey allowed tears to fall from her eyes. "Just promise me she's going to be okay."
Her words brought tears to my eyes.
"I promise." I whispered to her.
I hope I can keep that promise to her. I hope I remember this even through the tough times.
"She's a good kid— a great one, actually." She smiled at me. "She wants to see a musical on Broadway— for her birthday, that's what she wants. I pulled out the money for the trip, for you, if you would please take her. I know it's a lot to ask, but— she's my baby. Knowing that I won't live to see her next birthday is killing me, but I have to make sure she gets exactly what she wants. She was dealt an awful hand of cards in life, but now she has you. You make her smile, which makes me smile. It's not conventional in any form, but it's good. You're good. I feel peace knowing she'll be taken care of."
I allowed tears to spill out of my eyes.
"Why have you accepted this?" I asked, looking at her.
"I've been sick a long time, Emily. I've exhausted my resources and any treatments known to man. It's my time. I just wish I didn't have so much to leave." She looked down, lightly shaking her head.
Silence fell over us.
"Will you make sure she gets her trip?" She looked at me.
"As many as she wants." I nodded.
"Thank you." She smiled as more tears fell.
"They only had red jello, mommy." Alaina's voice sounded.
I took my hand from Lindsey's and wiped my face free of tears.
"That's okay, baby. I'll take it." Lindsey spoke to Alaina.
I couldn't look at her, because if I did, I would break. I needed to be strong for her.
"I'm going to walk Emily down to her car." Alaina told her mom.
"Okay, baby." Lindsey smiled.
"It was so nice to see you again." I attempted to smile at her.
"Thank you. I can't ever thank you enough." She whispered as she hugged me.
"You already have." I told her.
I was the one who should be thanking her. She had given me the greatest gift of all. She had given me Alaina and for that, I could never be more grateful.
"Come back soon, please." She said as she released me.
"I will." I nodded at her.
Alaina's hands met my arm, so I pulled away from Lindsey and turned to follow her out of the room.
We had made it down the hallway in complete silence. She slipped her hand into mine quietly and kept her focus ahead.
"I know she's going to die soon." She said emotionless.
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"Because, she won't let me check the mail. That's Andrea's job right now. She keeps telling me that I'll never have to worry about money, no matter what career I choose. She's setting me up for life without her." Alaina spoke. She sounded so mature with her words. It's almost as if Alaina changed into a whole new person overnight.
"She just wants to make sure you're taken care in case—" I squeezed her hand.
"She's dying, Em. That's why she wants to talk to you alone and Guidry on the phone alone and everyone else alone. She doesn't think I know what's coming, but I do." She was firm with her speech.
"She's just trying to protect you." I whispered.
"Yeah, well—" She shrugged.
I stopped, forcing her to turn to face me.
"Your mom loves you more than anything, you know that, right?" I asked.
Her eyes filled with tears. I didn't mean to make her upset, I just wanted to prevent her from being angry with her mom as her time draws near.
"Right?" I repeated.
She nodded softly.
"Okay, then trust that she's doing what she thinks is best for you. You're her baby. She just wants to protect you in any way she can." I told her.
Alaina nodded, squeezing her eyes shut, forcing the tears to fall.
I pulled her to me, kissing the top of her head.
"I love you." I whispered against her hair.
"I love you." She whimpered.
"If you need anything, just call me." I told her.
She nodded against my chest.
I wrapped my arms around her tighter, savoring her warmth in the cool spring air.
"I have to go back to my mom." She said.
"I know. I just needed you a little longer." I kissed her head once more, then released her.
"See you at school." She told me.
"Take care of yourself." I cupped her face.
"I will." She nodded.
"See you at school." I repeated back.
She leaned up and placed a strong, yet gentle kiss on my lips.
I hated knowing that the inevitable was coming faster than anyone wanted. I hated knowing that the girl I love was going to suffer more loss in her life than any eighteen year old should ever have to. I hated that I can't do anything about it, except be there to pick up the pieces.