Love You With The Lights On (Lesbian teacherxstudent Story)

sixty six

Emily

It was only a matter of time until the grief hit. And boy, did it hit. She looked at the paper that held the information for the trip I had planned for her and she went away. All the joy she possibly had was stripped from her body. She was physically here, but nothing I did or said brought her to be here consciously.

We missed the trip, though that wasn't what was important. Today was supposed to be the last day of the trip before we were scheduled to fly back, but she's been in bed, staring at the wall for what seems like the eightieth day in a row. I can hardly get her to eat, shower, or even change her clothes. I feel like I've lost her and I don't know how to get her back.

I've tried giving her space and room to breathe, but with each passing day, I get more and more scared. Scared that she'll disappear completely, scared that I'll fail her mom's wishes for her, and scared that I'll do something to set her off and drive her away. I know me tiptoeing around her is helping no one, but I don't know what else to do. I want to be able to help her. I want to be able to make her feel better about this.

Move-in day is rapidly approaching and she's in no state to even begin packing, so Victoria and I have begun that process without her, hoping that we don't miss anything or overpack.

That's what it is. Time. Time is going by and she's not ready. She's not ready to move on from missing Dakota and her mom. She's not ready to pretend that she's okay. She needs more time. She's scared. She's lost. She's hurt.

I quietly entered the bedroom and snuggled up to her. I've been staying away, because I've been afraid of setting her off, but I'm going to comfort her in the best way I know how to, which is cuddling her and letting her feel that I'm here.

"I love you." I whispered.

She released a deep breath and wrapped her hand around my arms.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I miss them a lot." She spoke. It's been so long since I've heard her voice and god, did I miss it.

I hugged her tighter to me, whispering "I know."

"I just want my mom." She cried.

"I am so sorry."

"It isn't fair."

"You're right—" My voice remained low, "I would do anything to bring her back to you, I just wish there was something that I could do to take this all pain from you."

"She just got so bad so fast, we had no time to live our normal life without worrying about her collapsing or getting winded or— She was gone before she was actually gone and I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to--" Her voice broke as she clinged to me tighter.

"She knew how much you love her." I said confidently.

"How do you know?"

"Baby, she knew." I tried again, "The relationship you two shared was unmatched by any other. She knew how much you love her."

"Why did it have to be her? Why couldn't it have been me instead?"

"Oh, baby, she would not have survived if it were you instead. You are the very reason her heart beat."

Sobs tore through her body and I held her. We didn't move for hours, even after she stopped crying. It wasn't until Victoria appeared with Piper that Alaina made any movements.

"Hey." Victoria smiled at Alaina.

"Hi." Alaina's small voice croaked as she sat up.

"It's good to see you, my girl." Victoria said as she engulfed her in a hug with little Piper sandwiched between them.