Insecurities.

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Insecurities.

04/01/15

Calum: I knew Y/N struggled with her body image and I knew how she got insecure about most things. She always found it hard to accept compliments from other people and whenever I tried to tell her how beautiful she is, she would shake it off as if I didn't mean it. She wasn't the size 8 that most girls dreamed of, nor the perfectly curved woman either. And her skin isn't always perfect but neither is mine which she fails to realise. I didn't know to what extent it effected her until one night I came home to hear her sobbing echoing from across the house. I followed after the noise and saw her sitting on the floor, in front of the full length mirror in the wardrobe. I could see how ashamed she looked when she noticed me and it honestly made me want to cry myself. I bent down beside her distraught self and without knowing what else to do, pulled her into my arms. Her hair was a mess from her obviously pulling at it in frustration and her mascara had smudged a little under her eyes and down her cheeks. I didn't care how she looked though. I didn't care about the fluorescent high heels sitting beside her, or the clutches or any of the fancy dresses that she looked perfect in. And right then and there: I told her. I told her 'None of the clothes you wear or the styles you tie your hair in have any effect on me. You look just as beautiful in trackies and uggs as you do in one of your dresses. I love your body - every aspect of it. The small freckles on the side of your face or the few scars you have from when you were younger. I love how you're not like those models on the runway or the edited people on the covers of magazines. You have something to you that they all don't have. And I love you.' I told her. 'Every single thing about you, I love. You're ok baby."

Ashton: You heard Ashton and the boys rambling on about things as they sat in the lounge room. The TV was on, playing a film they had chosen, though I doubt they were really paying attention to it. Every now and again it would quieten down for a moment then they would pick up conversation again. I couldn't help but laugh at the things I heard, shaking my head at them. They weren't joking as much now however they were still talking and I overheard something which caused me to freeze. "She really shouldn't smile as much. It's not that pretty." Ashton said to the boys, who in return, agreed with him. Was he talking about me? He must be. Who else could he be talking about? I dropped my magazine on table and quickly hurried up the stairs, my footsteps echoing throughout the house. I ran into our bedroom and flopped down face first onto the bed, instantly crying into my pillow case. I tried to keep my sibs quiet and minutes later I heard someone walking upstairs. There was a light knock on the door and I quickly pulled the blankets over me and rolled into my side, closing my eyes as if I were sleeping. The door opened and Ashton sighed as he saw me. He walked over and laid down next to me on the bed. He pulled my hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear before resting his arm over my waist. "I know you're not asleep babe." He spoke to me in a quiet voice. I sighed too, rolling over to see him, our faces inches apart but my eyes didn't look up to meet his. His hand was still hanging loosely over my waist, his fingers trailing up and down on my lower back. "Why have you been crying? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" He tells me. I move my head down in shame and softly being to cry again. "Come here." Ashton coos with a sad look on his face. He pulls me closer to him and wraps his arms around me as I lean into his chest. "Tell me what's upsetting you." He asked of me. I took a deep breath before telling him. "I heard what you said." My hands fiddled with his shirt as I awaited his response. "What are you talking about?" He asked me and I wondered what part he didn't get. "When you were with the boys. You were talking about me and you were saying how you don't like when I smile because I look awful." I felt him tense up slightly and then hold me tighter than before. "Baby, that wasn't about you, I swear. I don't even remember half of the things us boys talk about but I can assure you none of what you heard was about you, ok? We were watching some comedy and laughing at the characters. We would never talk about you like that." He assures me. I stop crying and pull away slightly so that I can look up to him. "You have the most breathtaking smile and you have no idea of even half the things I think about you. I absolutely adore you. You're so beautiful. Never think otherwise."

Luke: "Babe?" Luke called out softly as he knocked on the door. "Go away." I mumbled, my voice strained from crying. "Y/N, open up." He begged me as he twisted on the handle, trying to get it to unlock. "Baby, please let me in." He spoke again when I didn't reply. I let out a deep breath and stood up from leaning against the door. I slowly unlocked it and hurried over to the en-suit and shut the door behind me. I heard Luke walk in and he sighed once he saw me head into the bathroom. The mattress creaked under him as he sat down on it and I waited for him to speak. "Y/N, what's wrong? You don't have to be scared to tell me what's upsetting you." He questioned me and I thought for a while about how to answer him, sniffling lightly, hoping not to cry again. I twisted the handle to the door and pushed it open a little so I could peer out just enough to see Luke's face. I opened it a little more so he could see me, distraught and tearful. He stood up as he looked at me and his features softened. He opened his arms for me and I hurried over to him, my hands wrapping around his torso as his did to my waist. He placed a kiss to the top of my head and his lips lingered for a while before he placed his head on top of mine. "I'm here." He reminded me and I let out a sad chuckle, pulling away from him and wiping my eyes. His hands loosely draped around my waist as I looked up to him. "Tell me what's worrying you, babe." He spoke and my eyes drifted away from his, my lips trembling again. "Hey." He cooed, pulling me over to sit down next to him on the bed. I buried myself in his arms and breathed in his scent for a few seconds until I felt ready to speak again. "I don't feel worthy enough of you." I told him. His fingers ran in circles on the skin just above my elbow. His grip around me tightened and he shifted me up a little so I was closer to him. "Why? If anything, I'm not worthy enough of you." He questioned me. I shook my head at his last comment. "It's just, well, you're so amazing and happy all the time and you're so handsome and talented and special. And I could never compare to you or all these other girls you always meet." I explained as more and more tears poured out of my eyes. He gently wiped them away, afterwards running his hand through my hair. "I love you, ok? I wish you knew what I see in you. You're the most beautiful girl in the world to me and no one compares to you. You have the most breathtaking smile and amazing curves. You are so important to me and I don't always feel like I deserve you. I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about because all those things you hate about yourself I don't even see. I love you." I looked up to him with a teary smile as he finished. I pulled him down and placed my soft lips against his ones, feeling him smile into it. "I love you." I murmured back.

Michael: I crawled out of bed, wiping my eyes and my tear stained cheeks, checking the time on my phone before slowly leaving my room. I walked down the stairs, the floorboards creeping beneath me on my way down. I looked around once I reached the floor and saw Michael in the kitchen so I hurried over to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he turned around, smiling once he realised it was only me. He wrapped his arms around me too and I hid my face against his chest, taking deep breaths. He let go of me after a few seconds and he became confused when I didn't let go of him. "Baby." He cooed, a slight chuckle in his voice as his hand fell to my lower back. I surprised him by beginning to cry softly against his chest and my grip around him tightening. "Sweetie." He whispered again, lifting me up and siting me on the kitchen counter behind us. My legs now wrapped around his waist and he held me close to him for a while. I stopped crying shortly after and I just sat there leaning against him for support. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to tickle it out of you?" Michael asked me trying to lighten the mood as his hands rested on either side of my hips. "I'm going to tell you." I replied, a sad smile appearing on my lips for a second. His hand ran through my hair caressing me comfortingly as I built up to courage to speak. "I just really don't like myself." I told him, scared that he doesn't too. "And I'm worried that no one likes me either." I added. "Hey." He began, tilting my chin up so I could look at him. "I love you. I know you get insecure ok and I'm going to be here every time you do. You've got your friends, your family, the boys and you've got me. And we all love you. We don't care about how you look. I've seen you and you're so beautiful to me." Michael said to me and I couldn't help but let one or two more tears falls. "Now come here." He spoke, pulling me into his arms once again and placing kisses all over me making me laugh. "I love you too, Mikey."

Sooooo, I just lost my best friend. 😔 And I now live on the other side of the world to her and, idk things are really hard for me lately but I'm trying to smile. I can be completely fine a lot of the time and then even the smallest thing can set me off and I feel so much pains and sadness and worthless. I don't mean some stupid teenage girl fight or anything like that, but she's gone and I've lost her.

Anyways, I'm still here for you all and I'll still talk to all of you who need me on IMS.

I love you. Always.
- HakunaHemmings .x

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