My Life. My Only One.

Loss and Love

Can moved quickly into a well lit room with a bed in the middle covered in white linens and draped with white curtains on either side. They had made it very quickly to the village and he was surprised but thankful to see that there was a hospital, albeit smaller than those in Istanbul; it was large enough to have doctors to see to her. It was a Christian hospital he noticed by the crosses on the door and crucifix over the bed. Although he had never entered a Christian temple or visited a monastery he had many friends while growing up that were Christian and he was taught to respect others differences especially when it involved matters of God and faith. He knew that the women who had gently but firmly moved him aside when he laid Sanem down on the bed were nuns and that they had taken a vow of purity and poverty and were obedient to their calling. They immediately began to cut the clothes off of Sanem and then closed the curtain around her leaving him outside of it with worry gripping his heart. When he would have protested the doctor appeared and advised that he allow them to minister to Sanem. The doctor proceeded to ask about the nature of her injuries and her health background. Can could not speak as the doctor questioned him on what had occurred. Levant seeing Can's distress and blank stare stepped in and answered most of the doctors questions and explained who they were. When he told the doctor of Sanems pregnancy the doctor looked at both men gravely and said that he would do what was in his power and asked them to pray. Looking at Can he couldn't help but take in the bigger mans fearful expression. "Can Bey, your wife is young. Please take courage, she will need you more now than at anytime before; no matter the outcome today". He walked behind the curtain and left both men standing there. Levant moved Can over by some chairs and away from the curtain and pushed him to sit down. He feared greatly for Sanem as he had seen so much blood. Can sat with his eyes fixed on the white curtain that separated him from his beloved. He felt her slipping away and there was nothing he could do about it.

Beautiful cognac colored eyes looked up at her and blinked as the sunlight poured in from the window behind her. She was in awe at the wonder and beauty before her and tears spilled softly from her eyes. She was so overwhelmed with love and joy that she could scarcely believe this was her life. Allah had given her so much and she was filled with gratitude. Looking over her shoulder she felt the heat of his gaze before she looked into his eyes. They were the exact same color. Eyes that had made her melt the first time she saw them. They were filled with warmth and love. She knew that she could live her whole life and never find anything more wonderful and perfect than what she had before her right now. "She's beautiful, birtanem. Just like you! Now I must be more on my guard as I will have to keep twice the amount of men away from my treasures". His words made her heart overflow as she smiled and welcomed his embrace and warm lips upon her own. She looked back down and cooed at the tiny babe nestled in her arms and thanked Allah for such a gift. Her eyes were drowsy yet she fought to keep them open. It had been an exhausting day and although they had escaped she feared that Yigit would try again. She turned to look back up at the man that held her heart but he had moved away from her now taking his warmth with him. "Can? ..... Can?...Canim come back. I need you next to me". She felt the loss of the suns rays that had just been caressing her skin moments ago and she looked out the window and frowned at seeing the sky's turn grey and stormy. She gathered the tiny bundle to her chest and looked down to comfort herself and a gasp left her throat. The eyes that had been staring up at her filled with wonder and the weight of the babe in her arms was suddenly gone. But where? Her skin was cold and she shivered but her insides felt on fire as she struggled to rise from her chair. Her eyelids closed as a heavy weight closed in on her. "Can..... Can...." his name on her lips was all she heard as she slipped further and further away from him and everything she loved.

He heard her cry out his name and was on his feet and through the curtains before Levant could hold him back. "Sanem!" He spoke her name as he stood at the foot of her bed slowly taking in the sight of her before him. He had no idea what he had expected to see but nothing could have prepared him for the state in which his love lay. His heart broke into a million pieces as he saw her motionless form mostly covered by a white sheet that even now, below her abdomen; was covered in her bright red blood. The gown she had been wearing and the cloak covered in blood lay on the floor in a heap along with towels and sheets that had been used in the process of caring for her. He stared wildly not sure if she was alive or dead. "Sanem?" his voice was so low and so tremulous that he barely heard it himself. His body was covered in a clammy sweat and he felt ill. The room spun for a moment before he reached out and leaned against the small frame of the bed. "Can Bey, please; it's best you stay outside." Can looked the doctor in the eye saying "It's been hours now ...... and...., and I heard her call out my name. I can't leave her. I promised I would never be separated from her again. I won't move from hear until she wakes". The doctor looked at the formidable man with tears running down his face and frowned. "Sit there and don't get involved no matter what you hear or see". Can nodded and slowly walked to the chair beside the bed and sat down. His whole body shaking as he looked up to see a nun who was cleaning around the wound as the doctor continued to sew up her wound. Another nun wiped his wife's brow with a white cloth and recited what could only have been a prayer in French. He ached to hold her hand and kiss it and tell her how much he loved and needed her. She moved her head slightly and his name escaped her lips yet again. He closed his eyes as he realized she was in her own world and looking for him. He had not asked and he would not ask because he already knew that the budding life in her womb was no more. He grieved in his heart for that child that he had learned about days before and he grieved for his love that was fighting to live. Images of the moment he first saw her flashed in his mind, the moment she looked down at him from atop the horse that they rode to his ship, the moment she married him, the countless times he had kissed her lips and they had talked about their future. He had promised to protect her and give her the world and yet here she was unaware that their baby, the child that had been conceived with so much love and desire; was gone.