My Life. My Only One.

One Sanem

The Albatross stopped along several ports before arriving at the Isle of Rhodes. The ship had been at sea for nearly a month since they had left their Island. Their trip back to Turkiye was made slow by several circumstances. The weather had prevented them from sailing at top speed and having to anchor close to the islands that were scattered in that part of the ocean. Most importantly was that Sanem had slowly recovered her natural joyful personality although she continued to suffer sporadically from nightmares which would cause her temporarily to seek refuge in her own mind. Can and Emre and for that matter the entire crew, were attentive to her every need and had made a point of stopping at any of the ports along their way in order to break up the monotony of the voyage and give her breathing space and distractions and for the most part it had worked. Although Can and Sanem had not been intimate the way that they had been on the island Can continued to bathe Sanem and reinforce their bond daily. It had become a ritual for them. Sanem had complete trust in Can and his patience and Can only wanted Sanem to feel safe and cherished. For Can however it was a torment to see her and touch her and have her so close to him but unable to initiate anything intimate for fear of scaring her or bringing back painful memories. He had no idea how they would bridge that part of her life but he was not giving up or giving in. He did his best to look at her face as he helped her bathe and to force his natural instincts into submission.

Can and Emre had discussed the meeting Rifat had with the blue eyed stranger that had warned him about Fabri. They had decided not to go on to Spain and instead sailed back to Turkiye. Once again they found that they had to make a decision based on blind trust but somehow they believed it was the only decision that made any sense . They would finally be on land and they had a better opportunity at resources. It had taken them almost an entire month to arrive at Rhodes. The small Island had a wonderful market where they were able to procure what they needed for the remainder of the trip which would only be a few days more. The little village was charming and Sanem had immediately become interested in a festival that was being celebrated when they arrived. Apparently this small island produced many herbal medicines and potions that were shipped across the continent and beyond. Sanem came to life on Rhodes and Can decided that they would stay for a while allowing Sanem to continue to heal. He knew that what awaited them was unknown but Rifats words about making sure that he and Sanem wed soon was praying on his mind. They had passed up two opportunities to marry with the proper officials and plenty of witness because Can was unsure that Sanem was ready for that step. He was confidant that she loved him and that she wanted to marry him but it seemed like another overwhelming life change that he just couldn't expect her to handle yet.

Sanem was feeling more like herself each day. Although sometimes the nightmares came she was able to distinguish them from the reality of her life. For a while after they had finally left the island Sanem was confused on two fronts. First she was not completely sure that Can was still willing to marry her. She was not the innocent girl he had fallen in love with anymore. This whole ordeal was because of her. He had not agreed to marry her to endure so much because of her. Second she was not sure if Fabri had succeeded in his attempt to violate her. She couldn't separate the time she had spent with him in his cabin as he forcibly touched her and made her undress for him from the nightmares where he accomplished his goal. Several times during her dreams she saw herself making love to Can which was beautiful and loving but then Cans face would melt away and Fabri's would appear. Her dreams were so real in fact that she saw herself and Can consummate their marriage. She felt free and happy and had enjoyed the touching and love that Can was making with her but then Fabri's face appeared and she continued to enjoy what she was feeling before she woke herself up with a silent scream that caught in her throat. Can was wonderfully patient with her and when he helped to bathe her and felt his touch she cemented the differences between his touch and that of Fabri's and it helped her sort out her feelings and fears and reality from her recurring nightmares. As the days passed by she felt Can more uncomfortable and distant when he assisted her in her bath and she felt saddened by it. She felt as if though he we're taking something away from her. Painfully she began to wonder if Can believed that Fabri had made her his and that it was too much for him. She knew in her heart that Can loved her but he loved the Sanem before Fabri and not the one after. The Sanem after Fabri was not pure any longer. Fabri had taken that away from her and she hated him with every fiber of her being. They had disembarked at two ports and spent some time enjoying the cities but he never once proposed the chance to marry as he had intended on doing before Fabri. Sanem had wished for Can to ask her but he never did. She didn't dare ask him for fear of being rejected and that fear was above all else the one she dreaded most to face. To learn once and for all that Can didn't want her in that manner anymore would be devastating to her. He hadn't asked her anything about that night. She desperately needed to talk to someone about it but she was terrified of speaking to him. She knew she had his love but as a man would he be able to live with the fact that another had touched her?. Would he ever want her that way again?