For you (Kim Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 34

It still wasn't warm enough, that's what Namjoon claimed when he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his chest. Something in your heart told you to just go with it. Countless nights you have dreamed about this, the reunion and the intimacy you've missed so much. In those dreams, he never stayed. But at least in those dreams, you could pretend he actually loved you. Namjoon thought of the same, he saw colors when his eyes were shut, vibrant colors that painted your face and lips. He saw the colors again whenever you're near him, or he was beginning to. The sun wasn't just a blob of yellow, but it a fire ball.

Namjoon wanted to let his heart and body fall, like it did 8 years ago. The consequences would be painful, and he couldn't just ignore it any further. "Y/N," he called out. Your head stirred and you sat up, the space on his chest was you previously occupied now felt empty.

"Yes?"

He stared up ahead, "Why did you leave?"

"What do you mean?" you asked carefully and delicately.

"That day," he emphasized, "What was the real reason that you left?"

The stitches reopened, "Why are you asking that now? It was long ago, I just want to forget it."

"Well I don't want to." he said firmly, this time, he stared directly in your eyes. "I can't understand it, and I need to know the truth."

"Your mother probably told you everything. I don't understand why you would care so much when the answer was pretty simple, you didn't want me." you answered, your heart on your sleeve, so exposed and vulnerable. It was cruel of him to ask that, like he was mocking you.

Namjoon looked down and bit his lips. The gears were working, the light burst through the cracks. "I don't think my mother told me the truth." he confessed. "Whatever she told you was probably a lie too."

You scoffed, feeling irritated by the false sentiment. "She didn't need to tell me anything, you did."

"What? What does that mean?" he questioned. "I never said anything that would make you leave like that."

Anger rose in your body, it was another one of his twisted games. You couldn't believe that you let yourself fall for him once again. "I was just bored while I was away. How could I actually like some no-name painter, she's not even good at all. Those were your exact words. Your mother recorded the conversation you had with her the night of her birthday. She said you were with that CEO's daughter, discussing marriage. That day I realized who you really were, well, are."

Every word was a stab to Namjoon's heart. He couldn't open his lips or form a coherent sentence. He needed time to absorb everything and to understand what had actually happened. His mother lied to him and broke both of your hearts. She never gave you any money, you never wrote any damn letter, and you wanted him for him. That's why Jimin said those things, and that's why his mother felt threatened that you were back in his life. The worst thing was that he blamed you all these years and didn't see that you were suffering all by yourself.

He sat in silence a bit longer. You took it as ignorance. He opened the old wounds just to pour salt on it. You turned away, hiding your tears. Then you felt his arms pulling you back as his shoulder rested on your shoulder. It took your breath away. You struggled to pry him away, but he was persistent. A sniffle came out of him, but you brushed it away, believing it was part of the trick. "Let me go," you demanded, "I've had enough of your mind games."

"I don't know what you heard, but I never said those things, please believe me." he begged. All the pent up emotions broke through his built up walls. Right now, he only cared about hugging the one person he cares about.

"I heard it clearly, it was your voice." you grunted, still struggling to shake him off. "I don't care what you say now, I won't believe you."

"Y/N, please, I loved you. I love you." he promised, tears staining your shoulder. The confession numbed your body. It was something you wanted to hear and had been running away from it yourself.

"Shut up, you don't mean any of this." you yelled, hands covering your ears. "Shut up."

Namjoon shook his head,"I know you don't believe me, but just know that my mother lied. She lied to me too. I don't know how she did it, but the recording is fake. You're the only one I ever wanted. No one else can ever compare." Your heart wanted to believe him, despite the scars it had, it wanted to believe his conviction. Your brain told you otherwise, and even if Kim Namjoon was inherently a good man, he can break you once again. Not a word came out of you afterward. But your arms dropped to your side, allowing him to pull you closer to his body.

The metal door scraped against the floor. Lights and warmth from outside began seeping in. Yoongi stood by the door, confused to see the two figured huddling against the ground. He finally understood how the door work and flashed an apologetic smile towards you two. You pushed Namjoon back, and tried standing up. Namjoon offered a hand to help you walk, but you ignored it, and limped away. Namjoon, rolling his eyes, swept you up bridal style.

You yelled out, "What the hell? Put me down." Your feet kicked in every direction.

"Shut up, or else I'll drop you." he warned. It didn't stop you from continuing to squirm. "Stop or I'll kiss you." he warned again in a whisper. You legs went still. He took you back to your office and laid you down on the couch, Yoongi followed behind with a first aid kit he found by Taehyung's desk. The boy kept it there because you tend to get hurt easily. Namjoon took a bandage roll, and wrapped it tightly around your swollen ankle. His touch was tender and meticulous. You couldn't feel any mal-intent that you were so determined he had.

"Don't move around anymore today. Stay here and I'll pick you up later." he commanded. He stood up and faced his cousin, "Look after her, don't let her go anywhere."

"Where are you going?" Yoongi asked. He saw the fire in the younger boy's eyes, a dangerous wildfire.

Namjoon smirked, "I need to have a chat with my mother."