Shattered // JJKxReader

Chapter 50

Flashback
1st day escape

Y/N POV

Staring at ceiling of my motel room, I am lost-- thinking about something unordinary.
Earlier I was running through the streets to pack up when I saw this sort of bar, who needs a woman as a hostess there.

Sounds interesting.

I couldn't take my eyes off the papers I receive earlier. I read it over again and again. And it's real.

They're offering a high salary and more bonuses to come.

This makes me think that I should give it a try. I mean, this is perfect. I'll get the money real quick, and i will soon succeed to break the contract.

Then at the end, i finally can pay his debts. By that, I believe Jungkook will sign the divorce without any hesitation.

All he wants is the money after all.

That's maybe the reason on why he start to act up towards me.

But you don't know what he thought. Yet.

Okay, I don't know any of his intentions towards me, that happend to me these days. Which is a side of Jungkook I've never seen, how he act so different and kind, how he just turns everything around so...

I suddenly got reminded by the scar behind his ear.

I shook my head to erase some nonsense that keeps recalling me.

Aside from all of that, I know that i can't feel anything towards him.

Why?
Because there will be nothing between us no matter what happened.

There's no possible way for us to be together. I will remain to be his bitter life, and the same thing goes for me. When it comes to an end, it will always be the same. Nothing could ever change that.

We will choose our own path and separately live our own lives.
Only this bitter memories will remain in us,

or only in me.

I think i was just addicted by the pain he gave to me for wanting someone so unattainable.
By then, I only will remain broken. I will miss getting hurt by him until i can't felt a thing anymore

I mused for a while.
I'm doing this for myself or..maybe it's for him too.

Being such a burden to him everyday makes me not feeling other than anything except a useless shit.

So this is what i would do.

I will soon pay my debts and thank him for letting me stay-- although his place never feels like home.

I want to thank him for letting me experience the sparks that I never thought could come from him again.

Last but not least, somehow, I will ask for his forgiveness before I let him go from my life. I want to say sorry for mostly everything, including my existence in his life.

And mostly, I want to say sorry for destroying his life by falling in love with him.

-----------------------------------------------

Today, 8 p.m
A few moments earlier...

Jungkook POV

I sigh as I closed my apartment door. My head start to spin again, the effect on me earlier is staying inside.

After consuming another pill, I walk myself towards the couch as I lay there. Her scent tingles into my nose embracing me, like it's no other thing that could comfort me right now.