Stalked

115: Separate But Together

But really, it was irresistible to watch him. First, he was still your husband. Second, it brought you and many other human beings great joy to watch people implode. After all, what was reality television but stories of peoples' lives imploding?

"Are you less angry now? I didn't think you'd hate it. I thought my eardrums were gonna burst."

He had asked the booger when he got home, phrasing it as if he had only left because it had gotten upset with him. He had not once told him that you and him had gone on your honeymoon. That was infuriating in itself.

"Bum. How are you?"

He had asked it like it mattered. But it was different now. He was asking it like he genuinely cared, not as if he was doing it to spite you.  And that in turn, spited you even more.

"Asking you how you've been after leaving you with your uncle... I wonder how that feels."

That one certainly felt less sincere. But you were still furious about it. The temptation to be just as sinful as he was being was there, but you knew in your heart all the idioms. "Two wrongs don't make a right", "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" et cetera, et cetera. But it didn't make it hurt any less.

"I'm such an asshole, aren't I?"

Well, that's not a surprise. But that isn't who you should be saying that to. You thought to yourself. What was a surprise, however, was what came after the dumb thing began taking the blame for what transpired.

"I'm glad you think that, but don't. I took my anger out on you. That was wrong of me. Because no matter how I look at you, you're not her."

God help me. This again. You thought at that sentence. It felt so fake coming from Sangwoo, but at the same time, he made it seem so real that you almost believed him. Almost.

"I'm having a hard time... Could you hold me?"

That made you spit out your drink. You were sick to your stomach, but what could you do about it? You were exhausted. There was no point in going back to him now. It would just cycle through. He'd promise to kill it, but then find an excuse not to and then it would just end up with you getting hurt again.

"I quit school. I could barely get my tuition fees back... It wasn't just because of the money. I guess I just didn't think I'd be able to graduate."

That was just a stupid decision on his part. But on the car ride back, he told you that he couldn't bear to see you at school if you weren't going to talk to him or acknowledge him. So apparently, he followed through. He'd be given partial credit and he would be welcome to come back and finish up another time. Like a leave of absence.

"Why won't you look at me?"

He asked it.

"Because," You replied out loud, wiping away tears in your eyes, to nobody and nothing in your lonely apartment. "It's scared you're going to kill it. And I wish you fucking would, my husband. Then, I could be with you like I'm supposed to be."