Awkward Energy - MinaDeku

I Swear It

Throughout her whole life, Mina hadn't actually experienced a defeat.

Of course she hadn't always won a fight, and hadn't always passed a test. She wasn't some kind of wunderkind who was the best at everything. She'd lost at things before, all the time. Against her brothers at video Games was one of the most frequent losses, but those didn't matter to her at all, so she didn't know if she counted them. She lost against Tokoyami at the Sports Festival. She'd lost against Nedzu in the test for the end of the first Semester. She wasn't the be-all-end-all victor of everything.

She didn't always win... But that wasn't defeat. Losing and being defeated were two very difference things, she learned. Losing was just not winning. Being defeated was...

Being crushed. Feeling devastated. Like a pit of fire was stuck in her stomach, making her want to scream and cry, but only tears came out anymore. She couldn't sob anymore. Her stomach just contacted, and her lungs wouldn't do anything to allow her the simple relieving pain that was being able to openly wail. She was ashamed. Dismayed. Crushed beyond all measure. She couldn't describe it if someone tried to.

The feeling of crushing, overwhelming, absolutely devastating dismay of complete and utter defeat. There weren't enough words in any language to describe this.

Heartbreak was probably the only one that came close.

Everything had become a blur to her, and what happened around her barely even began to make even the slightest bit of sense anymore. It was just white noise next to the sheer levels of grief that she was experiencing right now. She wasn't paying any attention to it. She couldn't even move on her own, her legs too weak, and her mind practically fragmented too much in order to even come close. She was being moved, forced to walk about by Todoroki, Uraraka and Tokoyami, gently guiding her down the correct path towards the lodge again, but she didn't remember the trip. She barely remembered anything as it was happening around her. She didn't do much of anything. She just.... Was there.

She was aware that Aoyama had joined them, from his hiding spot of wherever the hell he had been, and with him, he'd brought Torru and Jirou, whom he'd been trying to protect. Shoji was carrying the pair of them, since he had the arms and physical strength to do so. Mina would normally have looked towards her friends, concerned for their safety and well being.... But she just couldn't. Her mind was a mess, unable to focus on any one thing aside from what had just gone down.

Her mind just couldn't being to make sense of it.

Izuku had been taken... And she couldn't even begin to comprehend it.

How had things ended up this way?

What the hell had just happened?

Could it have been avoided?

Why...?

...What... Was happening to Izuku right now?

Was he... Going to be okay? Or...

Why... Why had this happened...

Why.... The more times she asked that simple question, the more her tears began to spill out.

Why....

No matter how much she loved him, the fact that he just barely ever explained anything like this, or why he did it... It hurt. It hurt her so much. She didn't know what to do... She didn't know why he had left her like this... Why... Why did he do this? Why did he go through that Warp Gate, when he didn't know what would happen to him on the other side?

Why....

Nothing made sense. Nothing in her confused and distressed mind made even the slightest bit of sense right now. She couldn't understand anything anymore. Because no matter how much she tried... There wasn't an answer. There wasn't any answer that she could find... Because Izuku just couldn't tell her why he did these things...