𝙎𝙃𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙎 𝘫𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘪

─ xliii. pawn shop blues

{Manic's Point of View}

Wake up, Eat, Pills, Repeat.

If my life was summed up in four words, it would be just that. I mean if you add 'keeping the voice out' a chore, then yes. I never actually thought everything would come up to this. My best friend killed, my own family having secrets, I'm psychotic. Surprisingly, I'm very calm to this now. Numb, even.

Nothing hurts me anymore. Nothing angers me. I've become cold to things.

Not my fault, obviously.

I know that sounds very bad. But it's true. Sadly.
And sadly, Sweet Water river doesn't seem as sweet anymore. Tainted by lies, blood and dead remains of what Riverdale once was. All while reality itself is disappearing from me. Maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe I am paying for the sins of my past.

Was I aware that I killed Herrera? No. The only thing I remember was sitting in a white room with a bed, a large window, and a couple of shelves. I don't remember going to the doctors office, I don't remember the blood but it does come back to me. In nightmares and flashes. The sounds of Lola's cries as I was being arrested filled my ears forever haunting me. The red that stained my body like a horror movie. And worse of all, the guilt that settled in me.

I laid in my bed crying for four straight nights. It hurt. So bad. I wanted to end it all.

But I couldn't bring myself to leave my baby sister alone in this cold world without me. I couldn't leave my mother to an eternity of sadness or my father thinking he failed me. I couldn't leave after getting Jack back. I just couldn't. No matter how angry I was at my parents. I was angry but at the same time, I wasn't. Nothing came to a surprise to me. Therefor, I wasn't completely angry.

Call me a sociopath all you want, I'm being real here.

But at lease everyone had their own troubles.

For example. Stiles father was arrested for the death of Jason Blossom.

I know he didn't do it. Everything seemed too.....easy.

The void in me was telling me that anyone could frame an ex-alcoholic who just so happens to be the leader of the toughest gang in all of Riverdale. Something I made myself apart of. And I'm not having regrets on it.

I watched as Lola deteriorated again as Jughead fell apart. It hurt to see him like that. But I know that there were something's I can't do. I just wish everyone else knew that too.

~•🌙•~

"Jughead's father is innocent," Betty filled Lola in of the events that happened in Pops last night. She didn't go because she had to deal with some other things with her brother. Betty and Lola walked together in the halls, meeting up with Manic, Archie, and Betty. Jughead didn't bother to show up and she only talked to him once late last night when he asked her to meet up with her at Sweetwater River. "We went to his trailer and found evidence that someone set him up."

"Juggie?" She whispered, walking through the dark forest. With a flashlight in hand, she looked around, looking around for him. "Juggie, where are you?"