King of Spades |Book 1|

Chapter 33 • Good Thing I Can

•Rayan's POV•

Salem and I drive to school in silence. He didn't ask what was wrong with me when I entered his car, he just drove. I'm thankful for that, because if anyone was to win an emotionally closed off award that would be me.

Although the silence will soon end when we get into the parking lot of Ember-Falls High School, ah, how the name sounds so enticing, but this was basically the place where my life changed. I never really thought of it that way until now.

For some unfathomable reason, the shock of Navy having cancer has subsided, and now I just feel nothing.

Emptiness has found its way into my chest. It wraps around my lungs an squeezes the life out of me. I don't think I could have any emotions right now if I tired. It hurts, yes, to find out that my Navy has cancer, but it doesn't make me break down or cry. It just makes me want to emotionally give up. So that's what I'm doing at the moment.

When we pull into the parking lot, and Salem cuts the car off, he also locks the doors. I go to open the lock but it doesn't move. My head swivels to look at him an he gives me a firm look.

"Child-locks?"

"Yup," he says, saying the p with stress.

I look forward again an slump in my seat, just staring at the cracks in the pavement. In the span of a year and two months my life has drastically changed.

Why me? That's the question I ask myself every single day. Why was I the one chosen for this life? Why am I the one who has to live through all the pain, all the sorrow, all the aching inside my chest?

See, then I look at everyone else. Navy has cancer, which could take his life in a second. Dante lost the love of his life, and forever will have to live without seeing her again. Roman had to sit back and watch one of his friends get murdered, and not be able to stop it without the risk losing his own life. Talus is the one who has to know that his girlfriend was shot because he couldn't protect her. Luca and Hale sit back and watch their best friends destroy themselves. Salem and Dane are fighting a war that cannot be won. And the rest of the guys and girls, they have to endure watching their friends slowly fade into nothing.

I ask myself, why me, but I should be asking, why us? Why were we chosen to be the ones who lose people. Why are we put on this earth to feel all the pain and all the loss. Why the hell are we the ones that have to fight just to be happy?

"You okay, babe?"

My head snaps over to the voice. Salem's eyes are stricken with worry, the green within the chestnut shining with slight confusion. His hand rests on me knee, an I just now notice my seatbelt is off.

"I'm fine," I reply dryly. My previous thoughts still swarm my head, and I try my hardest to push them back into the deep depths of my darkest places. Maybe I should go home and write this all down. I haven't even thought about my journals in a long time.

"Look...if this is about our date tonight, we don't have to go..." he trails off. My eyes widen an my mouth drops open.

The date. Our date, it's tonight. I totally forgot because of all that's happened.

"No, it's not that, and trust me I'm excited for our date," I answer truthfully. Even though all this shit is in my life, I think both of us deserve a break. I wish I could find someone for Navy to go on a date with. It's such a funny thought, hooking my ex up with someone.

My mood slowly lifts into something happier when I see Salem's smile. It actually makes me forget my drama filled life for a second.

We sit in a comfortable silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Neither one of us move, we sit forward again and stare ahead. I slowly start to think about Navy again, which makes my heart want to shatter.

"Do you ever just think about how unfair life is," Salem finally says, startling me with his blunt words.

"Yeah, I do," I say after a moment. Out of the corner of my eye I see him nod. When I turn my head towards him, he's just about to say something, but he stops short. I don't push him, I've learned over these past two months that pushing for answers never works out in the long run.

"C'mon, lets get inside," I say. He nods again an gets out to open my door for me.

****

"You know, I was actually waiting for the news report of a girl found dead, in a ditch, somewhere located in South Dakota," Robyn says as I sit down next to him. I half-heartedly chuckle as I take out my notebook, ready to ask Hale, who sits behind me, if I can borrow his notes.

"Would have been a bummer, because I never would have gotten my answer," he adds, making me freeze all movement.

Homecoming, shit. I've been so preoccupied I totally forgot to give him an answer. What would my answer even be?

I look over my shoulder to see what Salem is doing, but he isn't in his seat. He probably slipped out before the late bell rung.

Before I can even turn around to give an answer to Robyn, another voice beats me to it.

"Sorry, but her boyfriend, whom is my best friend, wouldn't appreciate another guy asking her such an inappropriate question."

Slowly, I turn around to see Hale standing there with his arms crossed, a triumphant smile on his face. My mouth falls open as I gape at him. Did he just say...boyfriend? As in Salem?

"As in Salem?" Robyn counters, taking the question from my head. Hale nods, then looks at me and winks.

I'm totally going to get Olympia to beat his ass.

Robyn turns to me with a glum smile. "Well, I'm happy for you." When he turns back to the front of the room without saying anything else, I immediately stand up an grab Hale by the arm, walking him to the pencil sharpener.

"What the hell was that?" I whisper-shout at him. His cocky smile is on his lips as he crosses his arms again and stares at me with amusement.

"Whether you like it or not, you are Salem's, and Salem is yours. I would be saying the same to some girl if she came up to him," he says simply, as if I was the one out line.

Out of all the guys, I should have expected this from him.

"Whatever," I huff, then walk back over an plop down in my seat. Robyn looks at me for a split second before looking back at the board. This is going to be awkward.