Karma [Bastille Fanfiction]

Regression

Tara POV

I woke up alone in my own flat, last night had been hell at the base. Hours I spent doing exactly what had been done to me, and I couldn't face Dan with my mind in that state. The wounds had healed well, in fact I was doing fine except for my mind. Thoughts would get lost, memories were fading. Everyone kept saying it was normal after going through something traumatic. It was driving my crazy considering I had to write things on sticky notes.

It was only getting worse, especially with what I had been doing. Torturing someone and almost enjoying their screams of pain. Kiki would hate me for it all. My stomach churned as I sat up and looked at the bloody clothes on the floor with a blank expression. I had killed him. Once he admitted to killing Collins I ended his life in blood shed. Right above hung Kiki's flag and in display cases were my parents right along side.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled before getting out of bed, walking passed the bloody clothes wearing a black T-shirt and spandex. My flat was a mess, different piles of paper work, a few guns on the kitchen counter and silence. Dan had to go on tour for a month, but had returned yesterday. I didn't have the time nor energy to go meet them at the airport. Before they left the holidays were great. In fact I felt good for once. Wesley said we had gotten enough done to the point where I was only needed when they were home at the studio. In a way I didn't mind staying behind. It gave me time to feel my emotions out again. I swore I wouldn't love, yet here I was dreaming about the wild haired man. I had just sat down with my coffee when my phone began to Buzz violently, a groan passing my lips as I snatched it off the table. Wesley could wait, I need to relax. Next it was the banging at the door, a growl now escaping from frustration as I stormed over.

"Wesley! Go the fuck home!" I yanked the door open to see the blue eyes staring at me with yellow flowers in his hand.

"Umm bad time?" He smirked slightly before I shook my head, sitting my coffee on the table beside the doorway and pulling him in for a hug.

"Gosh I missed you."

"I missed you too. It looks like a damn bomb went off in here." He gave a laugh as we still hugged. Once I let him go I glanced around before sighing.

"Been busy on base." I quickly grabbed the duffel bag near the door and began tossing the unloaded weapons in before looking to all the paperwork. Dan was already grabbing a box and carefully putting the piles inside. " How was touring?"

"Great, without you it was a bit dreary."

"O I'm the life of the party now?" He laughed and handed me the box, I sat it near the sofa before sitting down as he did. Calmness settled over me as we sat in silence, his hands running through my hair. The crazy thoughts disappeared and the world began to slow down for the moment.

"Yes you are ... Now what did you do this month apart hmm?" He mumbled as I moved slightly and placed a kiss to his lips.

"Too much. In fact I'm exhausted." I smirked slightly as we laid down face to face, my fingers fiddling with his hair.

"I told you to take a break from all of that love. Go back to just being a producer."

"I can't... I need to know what Kiki and Collins lost their lives over. What my parents lost their lives over." He sighed and pulled me into his arm.

"I know I can't stop you... How's your head?"

" The same. I keep forgetting where I need to go, what I was doing. Simple stuff. Interactions with others I remember just fine. I haven't forgotten a thing about you." He flashed a half smile before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"I'm gonna go shower."

" Alright, I'll get some of your spare clothes out." He stretched before getting up and heading into the bedroom, my eyes closing as I took a deep breath to relax.

"Tara? What... What is this?" My eyes shot open as I ran to the bedroom. I knew what he saw and here he stood staring at the pile of bloody clothes. "What's going on? Are you hurt? Did you hurt someone?" My mouth opened, I was ready to come up with an excuse but it wouldn't leave my mouth. I took a deep breath and looked down.

"I had work... To do."

"Tara tell me... Please?" I was gonna be sick, my mind began replaying what I had done. What I had so much fun doing in the moment for revenge was eating me alive because it would have made Kiki sick. My body guided itself to the bathroom, the painful heaves taking over before the tears started.

"I killed him... I killed the guy who hurt me and who killed Collins. Fuck I'm going to hell." Dan didn't look at me and merely handed me a damp rag as I leaned my back against the tub while sitting on the floor. "I did to him what they had done to Kiki."

" Tara? Why? Why be as low as them? Evans needs to get you treatment!" It was the first time he raised his voice at me. It was anger and disappointment wrapped into one. "I'm done with this... Where are you? Are you there?! Are you here?!" He walked out of the bathroom, I heard the bedroom door close. Slowly I peaked out of the bathroom, he'd taken the bloody clothes. I was a warrior falling apart. For too long I had been strong, my sanity had slipped. Dan's solution wasn't expected. I didn't ever think I would end up in that position. Being forced to fix myself. The monster this wild world created.