Conflicted

➸thirty-eight

We are unaware of the severity of his injuries. This is making me anxious because if anything serious happened to him, I won't be able to live with it on my conscience. Zayn's family was allowed to go in the room with him, but since I wasn't family, I had to stay in the waiting room.

They hadn't returned for hours and when they did, the Malik's were all distraught. His mother was the worst, sobbing into her husband's shoulder. The sight made my stomach drop even more.

I approached them, blurting out my question, "Is he okay? Can I see him?"

"He's sleeping." Waliyha told me.

"I won't wake him." I promised.

"Go on back." His father sighed.

They told me the room number and the entire walk there, all I could hear was my footsteps and my heartbeat. Nervousness rushed through me as I was unaware of what was waiting for me in the room. I took a deep breath, stepping inside.

I was taken back when I saw him. His beautiful face was covered in bruises and tiny cuts. His hair was matted and there was a cast around his right leg. You could see he was in a lot of pain simply by the expression on his face. I brought a hand to my mouth, shocked at what I had done to him.

—

The guilt has been eating me alive. This is the eighth day Zayn's been in the hospital. He was unconscious for the first 4 days. The past four he's been heavily medicated so he's been in and out of it. The doctors said he's recovering pretty quickly but I'm ready for him to be released.

I sat on the hard plastic chair next to Zayn's bed, just admiring him. He looked so peaceful, even with the bruises and cuts all over his face. I placed my hand on top of his and he squeezed mine gently.

"Hey Sky." He mumbled, taking a deep breath.

"Are you thirsty?" I asked, moving my hand away from his.

"A little."

I stood up and grabbed a cup, filling it halfway with water. As I was walking back towards the bed, I began feeling lightheaded. Slowly my vision was becoming more and more blurry and then everything went black.

It was as if a lightbulb had turned on. Memories began to fill my mind, as if I was watching a movie on rewind.

I heard my name being called and I sat up, gasping for air. I was still processing everything that happened. The fall.

Zayn and that woman in his office, me running off down the stairs, Zayn coming up behind me, then I fell.

I stood up and made eye contact with Zayn, who was looking right at me. I felt tears threatening to fall. I wanted to go and punch him. I was feeling guilty for him being in the hospital when he put me in the hospital.

"Are you okay?" He asked me.

"I remember."

"What Sky?"

"I remember." I said again.

"You do?" He asked, a smile starting to form on his face.

"You cheated on me. You put me in the hospital. How could you do that to me?" I broke down, starting to cry.

"Baby I didn't cheat on you. You never gave me a chance to explain."

"Explain? I saw you kissing her." I yelled.

"Skylar please don't do this. The past three months have been hell for me."

"You did this to me."

He went to speak but started coughing and I remembered I was getting him water. I poured another cup and handed it to him. He sipped it and inhaled, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Sky, I love you. I wouldn't cheat on you." He whispered.

I wanted to believe him. Everything in me told me he was telling the truth but I know what I saw. "Explain then." I frowned, taking a seat next to him.

He told me what happened, every last detail until I made him stop because it seemed like it was getting harder for him to breathe. We sat in silence and I was just processing what he told me.

There was a knock at the door, and his family entered. He gave them a small smile and his mother looked at me. I nodded, and stood up, wanting to use this time to really think about things.

—

That was the last time I saw Zayn. It's been a few days but today Zayn's being released from the hospital. He suffered from three broken ribs that have somewhat healed and a broken leg.

I sat on the bed anxiously watching staring at my phone. Lia told me she'd call me once Zayn was in the car with her. I ended up falling asleep while I was waiting for the call.

"Sky, we're back." Lia whispered, shaking me.

I opened my eyes and sat up, making eye contact with Zayn. He managed to look as good as he always does and it brought butterflies to my stomach. "How are you feeling?" I asked, running a hand through my hair.

"Pretty good, just exhausted."

I watched him use the crutches and make his way over to the bed. He carefully took a seat and laid the crutches against the wall. "Well I have to go back to work. Zayn isn't supposed to be up and moving so you're going to have to take care of him." Lia told me.

He flashed me a small smile and I exhaled deeply. It's the least I could do seeing as his accident is my fault.

I walked with Lia to the door, messing with my fingers. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"I don't know if I can do this. Now that I remember everything it's just hard." I explained.

"Well you obviously still love him."

"Why do you say that?" I asked scrunching my eyebrows.

"Because you're still here. You're still staying at his house." She pointed out.

"Of course I still love him. I just don't know how I can look at him, knowing that the only reason he's like this is because of me."

"Well he did it. You'll be fine. Just talk to him." She said, giving me a hug before leaving the house.

I walked back to the room, and he sat there, waiting for me. Neither of us said a word, we just enjoyed the silence.

I went and sat on the bed next to him, fidgeting with the sheets. He put his hand on top of mine, and I looked at him, his hazel eyes peering deep into mine. I licked my lips and held my breath.

"The past few months have been awful. I thought I lost you forever." He mumbled.  

"It was bad for me too."

"No matter how many times I say it, you will never understand how truly sorry I am. "

I shushed him by pressing my lips against his. So many emotions were poured out into the kiss and neither of us made an attempt to end it.

A/N: Thank you for the support and for being patient. It means the world to me. Please vote and comment!