Through the Darkness || Finn&Rey

Chapter 58

I continue on the path I was on, into the gloomy, forest. The realisation that my leg is burnt plays on my mind and as the adrenaline drains from my veins an agonising pain shoots up my leg with each rushed step.

I stagger between the trees, trying not to trip in the darkness. My leg going slightly limp, but I push on; knowing Poe would do the same for me.

The lights from Base don't reach this far into the forest, and the moon isn't bright enough to seep through the trees, so I am unable to rely very much on sight, I need to use my other senses to guide me through the forest.
I can smell the fumes of oil and burning grass before I hear the beeping of alarms and sirens, indicating - as if one could forgot - that they crashed and there is damage to the wings and engines. I follow the sounds and prominent odour until I see the glow of fire and emerge between a few trees and find his wreckage, there is just enough moonlight to see because the light in the cockpit flickers on and off.

"Poe!" I call out, looking around the surrounding forest for his ejected pilot seat. I did not see him pull the lever and escape, so I assume he released himself in the canopy of the trees and fallen somewhere close by.
"Poe!" I shout, there is a bang on the metal of the X-Wing. I rush around the entire circumference of the destroyed X-Wing, BB-8 has shut down but there doesn't seem to be much wrong, besides his antenna is bent. I can't seem to find where the sound comes from.

"Poe?" I call a bit softer than before, there is a louder bang and I walk to the cockpit, there are small holes in the glass and smoke and steam seep out from the holes.
I hear a loud, wheezy. "Poe..." I can't believe it, he is still inside. He hits the metal again to confirm my realisation.
"Are you okay, what do I do?" I call over the obnoxious beeping. The knocking is my only response, maybe he can't speak... He coughs violently over the sound of the alarms.
The pain in my leg is causing my head to spin...
That's it...
I fiddle in my pockets for the saber. It activates and breathes focus back into my body. I feel strong and capable as I carefully shatter the remaining glass.
Plumes of smoke erupt and waft out; I wait for it to dissipate.

I'm welcomed with the sight of Poe, but it takes a few second of the light flickering before I become aware that he is trapped. A couple of the metal beams supporting the glass have caved in and somehow they have bent and punctured his seat, maybe even impaling his spine. I cannot move him; this type of evacuation needs to be completed by droids. Who knows what damage I could cause if I moved him.
The saber contrasts and I feel the strength leave my skin as I put it back in my pocket.

"Hey Poe, you're going to be fine, I'm just going to go and get some help," I breathe out heavily, his expression is fearful but understanding. He knows he is in a bad way. He doesn't move, and I'm glad because that means that he won't cause himself any more damage.

I take a few deep breaths trying to focus before I stumble out of the dark forest and back to the infirmary. It takes a few tries but after I am finally about to explain Poe's dire situation in full the droid in the emergency evacuation team. I refuse to stay in the overcrowded and loud infirmary and force myself to join the evac.

When we return to Poe he has passed out, at first I feared he'd died, but they were quick to confirm he still possessed a pulse, but it was slowing.
I use the saber to cut away as much as I can, to give the droids easier access to him.
I feel a sickness gurgle inside me at the sight of his blood staining the floor of the cockpit, and the constant pain of my leg. I remove myself from the crash and lean against a tree, I look down, the burn is worsening; there are blisters and pus which oozes from the open flesh. I close my eyes, my hold on reality dwindles. I look back seeing the top off BB-8's head poking out behind the cockpit again, I wonder why he didn't evacuate when he could have; he could have some serious malfunctions from a crash like that. I take a few deep breaths before I decide to shakily return to the infirmary.

"Finn," Starla's voice captures my attention as I am about to make my way to the second floor. "Rey's not down there," she doesn't meet my eye, rather looks down the stairs I was about to walk down. She continues before I can ask where she is, "She's having a small operation to seal any internal wounds. Why don't I take you to the room she'll be in when she comes out? She shouldn't be long," Starla frantically looks around, this is unlike her, I need my firm and reassuring nurse back.
I follow her down a corridor I didn't realise existed, and into a relatively large room with three beds. Two have more monitors and machines than I have ever seen, and are parallel to each other with a space in between. The other bed is in the opposite corner running against the wall, with no monitors. I collapse onto one of the chairs near the end of the third bed, my injured leg extended.
"Every time." Starla states quietly, and I look up at her, too sick to respond. She doesn't explain herself, just exits the room.

She returns a short time later with a portable medical kit. I rest my head on my hand and clench my jaw as she peals the fabric of my pants out of the burn. I flinch a few times and my knees start to shake with discomfort. Starla takes out a large pair of scissors and cuts off the pants leg high above the burn to insure she is able to clean it and not have any material irritate my skin.
She takes a pair of tweezers and plucks out the fabric, occasionally she unintentionally pinches the sensitive skin and an involuntary whimper escapes my lips.
"This will hurt," she says but I don't answer her. She takes a white puffy ball and soaks it in liquid; I close my eyes at the moment she moves to press it into my burn. Searing pain ricochets in every direction, passing through my entire body and my leg jolts and stiffens at the same time.
She does it multiple times. "It's a lot easier when you're unconscious," she mumbles, referring to when she must have applied this treatment to my back and shoulder. I'm glad I was in a coma too, because this pain is horrendous.
Starla repeats the process using different liquids in the kit, each time it elicits a different response. Some chemicals irritate my skin, others cause intense pain. The next few however, are cooling and calming; therefore I'm not expecting when the last one burns my skin causing my eyes shoot open in agony.

"Sorry," she states through her teeth, obviously frustrated as well. I squeeze my eyes shut as she rubs in some ointments, but I can't feel them.
She covers the large burn with plaster and quickly and tightly bandages my leg.
"There you go," I nod to her, breathing in and out of my mouth to try and calm myself. She closes all the blinds and leaves the light on a dim setting before closing the door. I yawn, my closed eyes watering as I open them tears form and sting my tired eyes.

Involuntarily and unexpectedly I inhale a sharp, shaky breath and I it causes me to sob. I don't even feel the tears prick my eyes they form too quickly for me to stop them. They relentlessly roll down my cheeks and neck and drip onto my shirt as I rest my forehead on my hand.

I might lose both of them tonight... Rey is in surgery, that laser wound wasn't far from her heart. Poe has puncture wounds in his back, and I don't know the real damage they caused. I quietly sob, shaky breath after shaky breath, alone in this large, dark room.
I cry over everything that's happened, not just the events of tonight. Everything I have been endeavouring to balance collapses down upon me and I struggle to breathe through the ache it causes. This thunderous silence echoes in my ears and in heart and permits my mind to wander.

What if I had shot the defence cannon before it released its missiles? Poe wouldn't have crashed.
What if I hadn't fought beside Rey? She wouldn't have had to protect me as well as herself.
What if I hadn't left the first Order? Then none of this would have happened. Rey would have died on Niima Outpost when the First Order firebombed it in search for BB-8. Poe would have died on Starkiller Base when Kylo Ren deemed him disposable. I would have continued blissfully unaware of their capability to love me, and I wouldn't be in this state of aching numbness and devastation.

After I wallow in my own self-pity for an hour my tears dry and my fingers tingle. I am becoming extremely angry, so wrathful that I want to throw my fist into the concrete wall.
Before I am able to act I feel pocket hum quietly against waist. I reach my hand inside my pocket and take out the lightsaber. I hold it in both hands gripping onto it, ready to use it to destroy something that doesn't have much value, but I can't seem to do so... I take a few deep breathes as I hold it, it soothes me, and I feel the white hot adrenaline drain out from my veins again. For the second time I wonder if maybe it's the Force that will be my calling like it is Rey's. I hold the saber close to me and allow it to fill me peace.