Through the Darkness || Finn&Rey

Chapter 27

"Are you not wearing a shirt?" She quickly asks, as if just noticing the moment she says the words.

"Yeah, it's hot," Her mouth parts slightly her eyes wandering across my bare chest and she focuses on the way my arm flexes as it supports my head. I can see the way she flushes; I wonder what she is thinking. I hope her distraction means she doesn't see me hide my subtle smile.

I have kept my hand on her hip, purely for the reason that I don't want to take it away. There has to be some way for me to convince her that we need to stop going around in this constant circle. One moment we can't keep our hands off each other and the next we are galaxy's apart.

"Do you want to be happy?" I query quietly, without fully realising I had asked it. She nods, her gaze still focused on taking in my body that the sheet does not cover. "Do I make you happy?" I rub circles into the fabric of her nightgown and she looks up into my eyes.

"Yes," She breathes, blinking slowly. I twitch my nose to prevent myself from smiling, I need to stay serious and not fall into the shy happiness I feel. Before I can continue my interrogation she buts in, "Do I make you happy?"

"Very," I whisper surely, "but also frustrated and confused," She lowers her eyes from mine, "But we're going to work on that," I insist.

"Finn," She murmurs trying to deter me, but it isn't going to work.

"Do you want to stay away from me?" I squeeze her hip a bit tighter as I rub my fingers along her wait. Her nightgown is tied together in an intricate bow at the front of her chest and the small metal baubles twinkle in the light. I ponder if it would be hard to undo...

"I'm supposed to," she mumbles quietly. I quickly look back up at her and it takes me a moment to remember what I asked. I notice I may be distracting her so I stop moving my hand, and rest it high on her waist.

"Do you want to?" I repeat slowly.

"I, but..." she pauses, "No," she sighs when she finally says the small word that holds so much weight.

"Do you think I am going to leave you?" Rey stays silent. Her eyes flicker from me, to the mattress between us and back up again. Her lips quiver so I squeeze her waist, encouraging her to answer. "Rey, do you think I would be able to leave you?" I rephrase the question slightly. She breathes in deeply, shrugging her shoulders as she releases it.

"I don't know, maybe,"

"Rey, this isn't going to work if you're not honest," I press.

"Fine, okay, yes. I do think you can leave me. When you closed that door I thought you weren't coming back; I was convinced. So yes I think you would be able to leave and not look back," Rey isn't crying, and she isn't mad, she is in a neutral headspace. This is the perfect opportunity to help her see sense, because she isn't overwhelmed.

"When I walked out that door I didn't realise that you were still confused, and I am sorry for that. Truly, I am. Rey, for a moment I fell into the trap you keep hiding in," realising my words come out harsher than I intended I lean down and kiss her forehead which receives a subtle smile in response. "I tried to convince myself that it'll be easier if I push you way. Easier if I ran..." I pause, "Does that sound familiar?" I don't wait for her response, and she looks into my eyes as I say: "You said you wouldn't push me away, and I said I wouldn't run, but we always end up falling back into that pattern: you reject me and I leave..."

"I didn't push you, Finn, I did the opposite. I saw the look in your eye when I gave you the bed clothes, you looked frightened and you went to run,"

"I was terrified, because each time we've slept in a bed I've woken up to find you're gone. You said you wouldn't push but you never said you wouldn't run." Rey blinks a few times, absorbing what I said. "I was selfish, I know that. I wanted to protect myself from getting hurt, but I also wanted to protect you, I didn't know if you'd regret having me stay the night,"

"I never regretted sleeping with you near me," she admits.

"Then why are we doing this?" I ask as I slowly take my hand from her waist and lie my back down against the mattress. The sheet loosely drapes across my ribs leaving my chest bare, I bend my arms and place both my hands behind my head and look up at the ceiling.

"Because, regardless of how we want to be, I'm still not allowed to feel that way,"

"Rey, for the last time, you deserve happiness, you have been lonely almost your whole life. I don't think Luke should be allowed to dictate how you feel." I close my eyes, trying to concentrate. "Poe once said to me that you're silly for thinking you can control how you feel about me." I take a quick breath, "I thought that I could control it too, but look at where we are-" I continue to stare at the ceiling, "-Rey, we are always going to end up like this, if you're supposed to or not." She stays silence so I quietly add: "Okay, so you have to eliminate distractions, just don't let me be a distraction..." after some time I feel the mattress shift. It crosses my mind that Rey has decided to leave, but then I realise that I can almost feel her body next to mine as crosses to my side of the bed.

"Okay," Rey whispers before pressing her lips against my bent elbow.

"Okay?" I repeat, unsure if I heard her correctly. I take my arm from under my head so I can see her clearly and Rey starts to kiss my shoulder.

"From now on, you won't be a distraction," she trails kisses up my shoulder and sucks lightly on my neck. The sensation travels directly to my core, the burning glow only she provides illuminates me. As amazing as it feels I crave more, so I take my other hand from behind my head grasp her face, pulling her lips up to mine.