Through the Darkness || Finn&Rey

Chapter 18

I wake later, my head pounding. I look down to my wrist: it is bandaged in white cloth, I turn my head and notice Rey on the bed on the opposite side of the room, we are still on board the Falcon, I can tell by the dull, sandy gray walls and the exposed wires ceaselessly hanging from the cornices.
I whisper her name but she doesn't respond. I careful evict myself from the bed and walk over to her, taking a seat on the small chair. Her arms are bare, her usual cloth coverings are bandaged heavily on her upper right arm (of course there wouldn't be enough medical supplies on this ship to give her some clean bandages); a sense of extreme guilt washes over me at the sight of the injury I was responsible for. I gently take her small, pale hands in my own, intertwining our fingers. She may not want me to be around her, but I greedily take advantage of her inability to say otherwise. I have a tingling urge to kiss her as she lies peacefully, I settle for a gently kiss on her cheek before leaning back and resting my head on the edge of the bed near her waist; I close my eyes.
I am roused out of a light doze when I feel Rey moving one of her hands out of my grip. Disheartened, I sit up ready to leave at her request, but she rests her left hand on my cheek, softly rubbing her fingers across my skin. I close my eyes at her unexpected touch, it feels amazing to have her so close to me again, and I wonder if she feels the same way.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"What for?" she tilts her head on the pillow slightly so she can see me.

"For being the reason you got shot in the arm," Rey laughs lightly, but before she can respond I continue, "and for finding you," I whisper.

"You came back for me," She states flatly, and I look down.

"I guess I'd better go," I am about to take her hand from my face, but her shocked expression makes me stop.

"Why would you do that?" She asks, a look of bewilderment etched into her features.

"I know I shouldn't hav-" Rey interrupts me,

"No, why should you leave?" I take my head off the bed about to push myself out of her light grip.

"You don't want to be around me, it's pretty obvious." Rey sighs profoundly, taking her other hand from mine and winces slightly as she moves her arm to grasp the other side of my face, forcing me to look at her.

"What gave you that idea?" Now I am the one who dawns a confused expression.

"How about the fact I haven't heard from you in over a month, and when I find you all you want is for me to let you go," I snap slightly. Taking both of her hands off my face and bringing them to the mattress, still holding them.

Rey ignores my bitter tone, responding softly, "Finn, you don't understand, I had not been expecting to see you. It was an instinct to reject you," She tries to comfort me, but ignores the real issue I was hinting at, "I never wanted to reject you," her dark green eyes glisten in the light; I feel my anger slip as I look at her. As I try to think of a response she whispers ever so quietly, "You saved me," All my bitterness disappears. In the pit of my stomach I feel as if something begins to burn again, in a delightfully beautiful way. I want to kiss her, for no reason other than my desperately selfish need for her. I find myself leaning closer to her, wondering what it would be like to kiss her. For a split second I think I see her move toward me too, but I pull away and cover her hands with mine instead.

"I didn't mean for you to get shot I was just trying to stop... I don't know - I wanted to..." I am unable to find the right words.

"Protect me?" She offers and I look towards the ground.

"Yeah," I quietly respond.

"Look at me," She demands, I cringe slightly, waiting for her to tell me she does not need someone to protect her. I look back up to witness such a small, gentle smile upon her face, "Thank you," I sigh.
She slips her hands from underneath mine; I rest my hands on the edge of the bed as hers slide up my arms to my shoulders. Suddenly I see her smile disappear and she frantically looks at my right shoulder before moving her hands away to grip behind my neck. I don't understand what she is doing, is she going to kiss me? She then pulls against me, and uses me as a type of brace, dragging herself into a sitting position, my confusion turns into astounded laughs. Rey smiles as she runs her hands back down my arms before letting me go. "Stand up," she orders.

"Why?" I ask as I comply with her request. My head feels light but I stay standing, Rey stands almost as tall as me, just small enough that she has to look up at me.

"So I can do this," unexpectedly as she closes the space between us I feel my heart begin the thump louder, she wraps her arms back around my neck, holding me close to her. I wrap my arms around her back, steadily my feet as I relax into her. I sigh; releasing every slight fragment of tension hidden inside me. This being the first time we have properly hugged since I came back for her on Starkiller Base. With no imminent threat I am able to press my body as close to hers as I can, burying my head into her shoulder. Breathing in, and breathing out, as slow and tentatively as I possibly can; attempting to savour the intimate moment.

"I missed you..." the words slip out of my mouth before I even realised I had thought them. Rey shakes slightly as she takes a jagged breath in; I move my hands to her waist and rub up and down, trying to calm her. She lets go of me but I keep my grip on her as she slips her arms underneath mine, and grasps the back of my shoulders; like she had done the night we held each together while we slept. She buries her face in my chest, squeezing me, she inhales sharply.

"I missed you too." The words seem forced; but she sighs deeply after she says them; like she too released her worries. I kiss the top of her head and she lets me go, taking a step back, she looks down. I wrap one arm around her as I take the other one under her chin, gently lifting it so she faces me. Her lips tremble and I realise I am staring at them. I quickly look into her eyes and watch them gloss over with tears.

"Oh Rey..." I capture the small droplet as it slides down her cheek, I don't understand why she is crying, "What's the matter?" I tentatively ask, unsure how she'll react.

"I didn't want to miss you," She mutters and I feel as if she has hit me; I open my mouth to respond, but she presses her finger to my lips, "but I couldn't stop it. Every time I closed my eyes I would hear you, I would remember the way you look so peaceful when you sleep, or the way it felt when you would hold me, and I would miss you..." I take her hand in mine, sprawling out her fingers and intertwining them with me. I don't have a list like Rey's and I question for a moment if I even truly missed her. Then I remember how it felt every moment after she left, and recall when I saw her hidden between those rocks: that feeling could only be described as the opposite of missing someone. She leans her face against my chest again, and I hear footsteps and the sliding of the motion sensor door opening.