Through the Darkness || Finn&Rey

Chapter 45

I don't have time to contemplate how Rey will react before she quietly speaks, "Finn?" She asks for my attention and I take a deep breath before I flicker my eyes repeatedly between her and the wall to the side of the room. Her chest moves heavily up and down, she looks me in the eye her cheeks flushed. She leans back down and presses an innocently quick kiss to my lips before peppering more along my cheeks, I lay there, my mind seems to have shut down because I stare at the ceiling and absentmindedly rub my hands up and down her legs. She hovers by my ear and I sense her hesitation. "I- I..." She stutters.

"You don't have to say anything," I whisper, unable to hide my disheartened tone. I've never know how to love, was it even the right word to say? I know no one says it lightly. She leans back and I sigh as she slides off of my hips, sitting cross legged beside me; I sit up against the headboard.

"I thought I knew what love was, because I loved my parents," My eyebrows twitch in concentration, I am confused as to where this is coming from, but I let her continue uninterrupted, "I had faith in them, that they loved me and they would return for me. In reality I was mainly just afraid of being forgotten by them," I stay silent and intently watch as Rey knits her brows together in a painful way. "Then I met you-" she glances up at me for a single moment before looking down as her hands play with the cuffs of my jacket. "-and you made me feel something, something I had lost a long time ago..." she abruptly stops, so I lean forward slightly.

"What was that?" I quietly ask, afraid if I speak loudly she'll become threatened and frightened away.

"You made me feel like I was worth coming back for," I reach for her hand and she stops fiddling with the sleeves and lets me take it. "I got confused because I thought I understood love, but what I feel for you is nothing like that at all." I shakily rub my thumb softly along her hand.

"What are you saying?" I mumble quietly, my mind is unable to comprehend what she is saying.

"You look at me like no one else has, and I couldn't stop myself from falling for you too," I take a deep breath in, realising then I hadn't been breathing.
I then let out a small squeak, not being able to form words, so she continues. "I can't deny what I feel for you is all consuming, but it is also frightening," I rub our fingers together in silent reassurance. "It scares me just how happy you make me, because I never had the luxury of happiness, let alone sharing it with someone. Until I met you. So I guess I am trying to say that I feel the same way that you do," She sighs out the words as if they have weighed upon her for years.
Before I can answer she slowly slips her hand out of my grip. Without a word she turns and faces away from me, lying down and curling up in her tight, protective ball on the far side of the small bed, her hair sprawled out across her back and shoulders, some falling and covering her face.
"Goodnight," she whispers before switching off the lamp.

I roll my eyes and can't help but smile while I shake my head, eventhough I know she can't see me. I lean over her and turn it back on, then lower myself, burying my face in her hair right by her ear.
"Don't go shutting me out now," I laugh quietly, running my hands under myjacket and up her waist and unexpectedly start to move my fingers quickly against the fabric of her shirt, she sucks in a sharp breath and tries to fight it, but she starts to squirm around. When I don't hear her breathing I start to become slightly worried.

"Stop it, that, tickles," She chokes out the words, and I immediately stop, but leave my hand under my jacket.

"What are you doing? Huh, you can't say that then just go to sleep," I whisper light-heartedly, but I can tell that she is frowning. It takes her a while to respond and I feel an unwelcome anxiety embed itself in me.

"Can you hold me?" She mumbles, Rey doesn't wait for me to answer, instead she slips her hand under my jacket and grasps onto mine, she tugs my arm across her body, pulling me against her curled up frame. I do not push her because I know that she found that hard to say, to open up to me that way. I am too overwhelmed by the exquisite feeling of having her so close to me again that I can't respond and I think I may even start shaking.
Although the room is cooling down at a considerable pace I remain warm, consumed by her light. I release a satisfied hum and bury my face into her hair, tensing my arm to hold her closer against me. Rey intertwines our fingers, bringing our hands up and resting them under her chin.

"Are you okay?" I ask when she lets out a heavy sigh.

"I haven't been sleeping," she mutters and I squeeze her hand a little tighter.

"Me either," I admit and kiss her hair. I want to get rid of my big jacket, so I can hold her closer.

"Here..." Rey mumbles, leaning up slightly and letting go of my hand, she gathers all her hair over her left shoulder, lying back down on top of it. "Now it isn't in the way," She adds quietly, an invitation almost.

"Sit up again," I half ask, half demand, and she leans up the small way that she had before, "No, higher," I add. I let my hand run down her body slowly as I sit up too.

"Why?" She asks as she fulfills my request, keeping her back to me. I don't answer as I grasp onto the collar of my jacket and gradually pull it off her shoulders.

"What are you doing? Stop..." she squeaks quickly as I slide it down a little further before doing as she asks.

"What's wrong?"

"I, hmm, well... it smells like you..." I smile, yet her tone hints that there might be another reason. I kiss the exposed skin of her neck, and suddenly remember the way she had my jacket covering most of her face the night she was asleep in my room, and the way she seemed to relax as soon as she wore it this evening.

"I'm right here, and I think I smell more like me than Poe's old jacket would," I joke and I giggle a tiny bit. "There is something else, isn't there?" I press, knowing when she is keeping something to herself.

"I'd feel," She searches for the word "Exposed," she mutters and I realise that she will only have her under garments and a thin shirt on.

"Take it off," I say defiantly before turning and shuffling to the edge of the mattress, leaning over and retrieving the shirt I dropped on the floor. My shirts are oversized on me, so they should make Rey feel a lot more comfortable. I turn back and the jacket hasn't moved from her arms, but she has turned slightly to observe me. "Here," she looks at it quizzically, "It'll be long enough on you,but not as hot as this," I mutter and rub one hand along her side as she takes it from me.

"Thank you," She sits up on her knees, "Don't look," I roll my eyes and swivel around to face the wall. Even though she came all the way here, for me, she is still holding back slightly.