Through the Darkness || Finn&Rey

Chapter 21

"Yeah, it does," Poe responds from the back of the room, I direct my attention to him.

"What does it feel like?" I ask him, glancing at Rey momentarily as Poe looks over to the General who seems to be in her own world.

"I got secured down, and drugged until I felt empty; like the life has been drained from me," Poe does not sugar-coat his experience; he knows that it will do more harm if there is room for my mind to wander. "My skin would itch and my eyes would burn like they do when you don't get any sleep," Poe looks at Rey silently asking if she had the same feelings, to which she nods hesitantly. "Then when I was at my weakest he comes in," Poe says quietly and pauses, unsure if I have heard enough, but I want him to continue. When he does not receive a response from me he takes a quick breath in, "It feels like you're falling, into a bottomless pit, but he grasps onto certain parts, certain memories. It's as if he tears them from the darkest, most hidden parts of your mind until he sees them too." I cannot truly imagine what that would feel like, to have your memory violated. Stormstroopers may have their minds and actions controlled, but they are still capable of individual thought...

I continue to stare at Poe before realising I still hadn't responded. "I'm sorry," I feel guilty, and before he can give me a reason not to, I turn to Rey, and she rubs her thumb against mine. "Was it the same for you too?" I ask quietly.

She searches my face for a moment before simply saying: "Yes," I briefly look through the glass at Rey and Poe's abuser. I feel her rough hands gently grasp the side of my face, turning my gaze back towards her. "I am okay, we both are. Plus he didn't get the map out of me anyway," I lean into her touch and smile. I turn my attention back to the window and see Kylo Ren directly in front of me, his face almost protruding through the glass. His dark eyes are crazed and fixated on me, his scar almost glows under the florescent lights. I jump away, frightened, pulling myself out of Rey's grip, to then quickly grab her hand and tug her back, slightly behind me. I think I almost see a smirk upon Kylo's lips as he leans his face back from the glass, standing with his hands behind his back like a small boy who has been praised.
Embarrassment crawls uncomfortably up my neck and into my cheeks, and when I look over my shoulder I expect to see Rey hiding a smile at my attempt to protect her. On the contrary she seems a bit on edge, maybe she too was alarmed by his close proximity. She kisses the back of my neck lightly and my anxiety seems to fade.
I hear quiet footsteps, as General Organa walks past us and out of the secure door without a word. Ben's focus had shifted from her, so I assume she no longer felt the need to stay.

I begin to feel a sharp throbbing headache rising and I'm not sure why. I have a gnawing sensation inside me, and I don't want to be in here any longer. Poe walks closer to us, standing near the glass, gazing through it with a look of indifference. A confused Rey watches Kylo as he stares at me. His gaze is heavy, and weighs upon me. I try to deepen my breathing to relieve the headache but I only begin to feel woozy; so I stare at the ground trying to steady myself. I want to leave this confined area - leave his menacing gaze - but I do not voice my desire.

Poe turns his head around, looking at Rey and I, "I never knew he was so, human," He admits. I wonder what he imagined under the mask, I suppose anything but a man who slightly resembles his superior.

"I wonder what made him turn out this way..." Rey quietly adds. I stay silent, closing my eyes and rubbing my hand on the back of my neck, my head feeling too heavy to be supported. "Are you okay?" I look over my shoulder at Rey, her brows creased in concern.

"You seem a little tense, buddy..." Poe adds, and I turn my attention to him, his expression matching Rey's. I am unable to respond, my mouth is dry and my throat feels as if it is closing in upon itself. Suddenly my heartbeat become erratic and the deep, unforgiving sense of being overwhelmed rolls through my body, like a snowball engulfing everything in its way. My breathing becomes shallow I cannot seem to gasp in enough air. An all-consuming fear rises and spreads through me, and I see my look reflected in Rey, who is in desperately trying to find out the source of my pain. She bombards me with questions I cannot hear because my ears are have flooded with the roaring of my heartbeat. My eyes are wide open, but everything is see blurs.

I become aware of Poe's warm hand slowly rubbing my back in a soothing motion.
"Look at me," he says calmly, I turn my head. I struggle to keep my focus on him as he fades in and out of focus, "breathe with me," he whispers. I watch his chest expand; he holds it for a moment before slowly releasing his breath.
"In," Poe says, I do it with him, "out," he sighs with the release.
"In," Poe slowly takes a deep breath, "out," he releases it, and I do the same. Poe and I continue to complete the ritual.

After a while I start to feel my body calm down; my breathing and heartbeat regulate and I can think clearly again, but I am left with a throbbing headache.

"Thank you," I sigh after the last deep breath out together.

"Don't mention it, I think we should go." Poe doesn't wait for a response; he is already beginning the arduous journey to leave this strange prison.
I turn to Rey, her arms are by her sides; her hand must have slipped out of mine; her expression seems to be one of hurt or maybe it's confusion.

"What happened?" She asks quietly.

"I don't know, I just couldn't breathe..." I admit, and she looks upset.

"Are you okay now?" She doesn't make eye contact so I take a step closer to her. I don't know why but I lean down and press my lips to her forehead.

"Yes," I whisper, she doesn't seem reassured so I offer her my hand, she shakes her head slightly in rejection; I sigh. "Can we go?" I ask feeling an extreme exhaustion creep up on me. Rey nods so I lead the way out of the room; and undergo all the identification tests again. We finally reach the barracks again and I make sure to turn the switch so all the alarms reset, which I had observed Poe turn off when we came in.

I look down the hallway and see Poe is quietly talking to BB-8.

"What do we do now?" She asks.

"There is something I have to do, why don't you go to the dining hall, I'll meet you there," Rey nods and we so in separate directions.