Meant to be ~ Book One Of The "Meant To Be" Series

Chapter 51

Tris POV

I hear a light knock on my door. I rub my eyes with the back of my hands and lean on my right hand while I sit up. My other arm stings from last night. I take a look at it and the blood looks fresh, but still dry.
"What?" I yell sleepily with my eyes closed. I hear my mother take a deep breath.
"Beatrice" my mother says. "Can I come in?" She asks politely and worried. I look at the marks on my hand one more time before pulling down the sleeve. I get up and hide the razor blade in my jewelry box and fix my high heels –that I threw yesterday– carefully on my closet. I look at myself in the mirror and see that my eyes are all puffy and blood shot. My hair is messy and tangled, also a little wet from the rain too. I sigh and unlock the door. I place my hand on the door handle, hesitating at first but then I open the door. My mother gives me a sad and reassuring smile as she wraps her arms around me. She rubs my back with her hand.
"What happened Beatrice?" She asks. I shake my head.
"I don't want to talk about it" I say. My voice is exhausted from the last nights screams and my throat is sore from the sobs. She places her hand on the side of my face.
"Beatrice" she says. "You can tell me any-"
"Do you get that I don't want to fucking talk about it?! Just leave me alone" I say raising my voice. She jumps back a little from my yelling and nods. She walks back and goes downstairs. Bravo Tris, a voice sarcastically in my head says. I sigh and close the door and press my forehead and body against it. The tears start burning my eyes as I start shivering a little. I sob and hide my face in my hands. My shoulders shake as I sit on the bed blubbering. I hear voices from outside the window. I stand up fast and look outside my room. I press my hands on the windowsill and I stand on my tip toes to see everything better. Tobias is wearing a basketball uniform on. He prefers basketball more than soccer, he is better at it too. I don't know why he plays soccer in school when he could have more fun playing basketball. Olivia is next to him. She pouts and looks up at Tobias sadly.
"Why do you guys always have to break up?" Olivia asks. Tobias turns his head to her and kneels down so he is Olivia' height now. He sighs and stares at her eyes.
"Olivia, it's complicated" he starts off. "It will be okay, okay?" He says and Olivia shakes her head.
"She was like a mommy!" She yells. "Why do I always have to lose one of them? Our real mom left us, and you leave Tris! You always keep messing things up" she says bubbling as her eyes fill with fear and hatred toward Tobias. He puts his hand firmly on her shoulders but she yanks them away.
   "Olivia stop" he says. "We'll talk about this later. You're going to the new baby sitter and Im going to see Zeke at the park because I need to talk to him. Ill be here in about an hour"
   "But I don't like the new babysitter!" She whines but Tobias picks her up and goes in the car. He starts driving away. I am left staring outside the window, my tiptoes aching and my hands becoming sore from the grip on the windowsill. I turn around and sit on the windowsill staring into space. What Olivia said really touched me. I never knew I was so motherly towards her, the way we went shopping, the way I stroked her hair gently and tied her two pig tails firmly, the way I kissed her goodnight and the way I sang lullabies to her. I never even noticed. Not noticing, thats my new special skill of mine. I actually never thought where Olivia was when Tobias was with me. She must of felt so alone, so lonely. She has been through so much in such a young age. I should of noticed, so I could be closer to her, see her more often, comfort her every time. Whisper to her that everything will be okay.
    I should of.
    I should of.
    I should.

She has a new babysitter, which she said she didn't like. She also said that their mom 'left' them. I didn't understand that and I still don't. I want to make it up to the people I hurt, to the people I love the most. I stand up and get the fuzziest jacket I have and start running out of the house.
"Ill come home later! Don't worry!" I yell before I close the door. Then I open it again and add "I love you guys!" To my parents and Caleb. I shove my feet into my shoes–which are already tied–and start running. I am still wearing the gown and it is a little cold outside but I don't care much. Tobias said he would be at the park with Zeke, he must be there now.

Tobias POV

"Dude what the hell?!" Zeke asks stoping with the ball in his hands. "You left her? Just like that?" He asks and I grab the ball from his hands nodding and throwing it in and getting one more point.
"Four" he says. "What if it was a marriage proposal?" I laugh shaking my head.
"Are you serious?" I ask jokingly.
"Hey" he says. "You may be her boyfriend but she can't tell you everything. She probably told you ninety-percent of her life–though or whatever. And I doubt you told her everything. Did you tell her about that super hot new babysitter for Olivia?" He asks and I stutter. I shake my head slowly staring to the ground. "What about you mom?" He asks.
"Don't funking mention that" I say harshly and he puts his arms up to protect himself and ball bounces on the ground.
"What I mean is, that you love each other, you know each other more than other people do, but you don't own each other. You can't have full access of one-another, so stop trying to control her" He says. Now I feel bad, and I should. Zeke is right, I should of been so harsh with Tris like that, she deserves better. I sigh and shake my head.
  "She'll never forgive me now. Its like, the one-hundredth time I've been messing up and making her life more miserable when she needs me the most" I say. "I feel like pointing a gun to me head and pulling the trigger"
  "I can help" Zeke jokes grinning. His eyes widen as he smiles looking at something behind me.
  "Tobias?" I hear a weak, breathless voice as I turn around. Tris stands a couple yards away wearing one of the night gowns we bought when we went shopping with a large jacket on. He hair is tangled and a little wet and she shivers from the cold. Her nose and cheeks are bright red from running and the cold. She starts running towards me and wraps her arms around my neck. I hug her back tightly and lift her up a little. She keeps panting from running and she shivers like crazy. Her hands are ice-cold. I hear her let out a quiet sob as I put her down, not breaking the hug. She puts her head against my chest and tugs my shirt as she cries. I wrap my large warm arms around her small cold body and hold her tight. I stroke her hair and kiss the top of her head.
"Im sorry" I say pulling back a little so I can see her face. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot. I wipe her tears with my thumb putting on a sad smile on my lips.
  "No" she says. "It's not your fault" she says bubbling and stuttering. "I should of told you about..." She can't continue and sobs take her over once again. Her voice is very exhausted and her throat is sore. She must of cried a lot, and I feel so bad. I feel so bad, words can't even describe this feeling inside me. Her shoulders shake and I pick up lightly and firmly. She keeps her arms wrapped around my neck as I place a short kiss on her lips. I start walking ho,e with her in my arms. Every sob she lets out, my heart breaks a little more. Every tear that her eyes spill makes me want to kill myself.