Beautiful Scars (A Jack Barakat Fanfic)

33). Beautiful Scars

Any suggestions of what kind of fanfic I should start now that this is over?  Also, there should be an epilogue published soon. 

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Leaning back in the chair, I place my feet on the corner of the office table. Doctor Harper opens her mouth to say something before closing it, leaving us in silence. I hadn't been in this room for awhile, small things had changed, but it was still cluttered.

"How are you feeling?" Harper asks me, clasping her hands together on the desk. Right now she could pass for a villain, the black dress she's wearing looks like it's out of a sci-fi movie.

"Numb."

"Nora, I think that's a perfectly normal response to finding out your father has cancer. Is that the reason you came to visit me today? I know it's not to see any of your friends, they're all out in the real world now." She continues, watching me with her cold brown eyes. Harper seems like a person made of stone, but yet under the surface she's soft.

"No, it's the meds. I can't feel anything after taking them, at least without them I was human." I explain, pulling the bottle of pills out of my pocket and placing them on her desk. I don't want to have them anymore, they just remind me of who I was.

Frowning at me, she pushes a piece of black hair out her face. "Are you sure you're doing fine?"

"No."

"Before we try putting you on a different medication, Nora you need to talk to me." Harper continues, moving a picture frame on her desk.

"Okay."

"Tell me about Jack."

"What about him?" I ask, feeling a sickness at the bottom of my stomach at the mention of his name. Last time we spoke was when I pushed him away after he kissed me.

"Apparently, you're talking to him again." She tells me, and I just let out a huge sigh.

"No, I haven't talked to him since I found out about my Dad," I reply, tipping my head back and staring at the ceiling.

"Why's that?"

"He kissed me."

"And?" She questions, and I can't help but feel like crying.

" I can't love him."

"You can love him and you do, but you don't want to. Nora love isn't easy that doesn't mean you have to be afraid, look at me I'm divorced with a kid and yet I'm not afraid." She tells me, turning around a photo frame on her desk with Jace and her ex-husband.

"I'm not afraid of love."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"Hurting him. I'm still depressed and maybe I don't want to kill myself, but Jack can't live with someone who's sad all the time. I can't hurt him like last time." I explain to her my voice cracking.

"You're afraid to hurt someone so you hurt yourself, it just a different type of self-harm. Honey, I don't think Jack cares if you hurt him, he's willing to take the risk."

"I don't want him to take the risk."

"You can't stop him from doing that. You can either hurt him now by ending whatever relationship you have or hurt him later."

"Okay."

"What are you going to do?" She asks curiously.

"End it."

"It's not the choice I would recommend but it's not my choice to make. Now Nora about your medication." She sighs, looking down at her desk. Scribbling something down into a piece of paper, she holds it out to me. "I want you to try this drug. I never wanted to give it to you, if you take more than the recommended dosage it will kill you."