Beautiful Scars (A Jack Barakat Fanfic)

31). Soul Mates

 Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays! I just got coffee in my hair, and I now own a poncho, it's a weird season. 

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Squinting my eyes at the blinding headlights, I breath out, seeing my own breath in the cold air. I've wrapped Jack's hoodie around me tightly, both of us are just standing in the cold not speaking. Every time Jack goes to say something he shuts his mouth and just stares. "I'm sorry." I finally blurt out, dropping my high heels onto the ground, I couldn't carry them any longer. The air was biting into my fingers and toes, I just wanted to go home and wrap myself in several blankets.

"So it is you." Jack finally speaks, his voice raw, I can tell he's been crying. I made him cry, I've done it time after time.

"Yeah, Natasha was just a fake name. I was going to tell you at that show, the one with Sally, that I got out of rehab. I couldn't do it, you were too happy and I've ripped that happiness away from too much." I explain I didn't know if my eyes were watering because of the headlights or because of Jack.

"You're the same as always, you were in rehab for god knows long and guess what you haven't changed."

"Take that back," I yell, my voice echoing through the empty street. I don't think I've ever felt so alone as I do now, not even those nights in rehab could compare to this.

"No, you haven't changed. I'm an idiot not to see how fake you are, this is what you always do. You push people away, saying it's for their own happiness, not caring how they feel when you blame it on them," He hisses back at me, moving closer.  His body towers over me and I can feel his warm breath down my neck.

"Jack, for fuck sake, I'm not blaming it on you."

"Then who are you blaming it on? Depression? The drugs? Your family? Me?" Jack continues, looking down on me.

"You know what, you're an asshole. I can't believe I still fucking love you, you can have your stupid fucking hoodie back. You can have your Ravens hoodie and your home alone shirt from when we were teenagers. I'm the fucking idiot for keeping your stuff, thinking that maybe we could still be friends." I scream at him, my throat feeling raw, and my voice waking up neighbourhood dogs.

"I'm sorry." He stutters, reaching for my shoulder but I push him away.

Pulling the hoodie off my body, I drop it on the ground. "Jack, you've made it clear that you don't love me."

"But I do."

"You don't, you're just in love with who I was even then I'm not so sure." I hiss at him, wrapping my arms around my body and turning my back on him. It's freezing but I don't care, I just want to get away from him.

Jack's POV

I don't know what to do, I feel Nora slipping away from my fingertips again. I shouldn't have said that to her, I didn't mean to, the words just slipped out of my mouth before I could do anything. "Stop, please, stop," I beg, walking after her but she's made it clear she doesn't want me.

"I didn't mean that. It's not your fault that you got depressed, it's an illness, I didn't mean that you blame everything on it."

" I never blamed it on depression, I blamed it on myself. You don't understand how long it took me to realize, that I was sick. Right, when I stop blaming myself, you had to come along and remind me that's it's my fault." She yells at me, not even bothering to look me in the face.

"I love you."

"No, you don't." She replies and I feel a lump forming in my throat. I do love her, I love her more than anything and maybe it's time I let her go.