Beautiful Scars (A Jack Barakat Fanfic)

16). Zack Merrick; Muscly Guardian Angel

Jack's POV

Hugging me knees, I pull my body into a ball. I want to become so small I disappear and fall through the cracks on my bedroom floor. Wiping my eyes, I try blinking the tears away. In my hands sits the little book I found under my bed awhile ago, the pages torn and frail. I want to smile at the happy pictures, the doodles, and tiny signatures, but I can't. It hurts. I never thought happy memories could rip away at you like this. I push back a dry laugh that a little book, we all made as kids, could cause so much pain.

I don't know why the pictures made me so sad, they were just pictures, just pieces of paper glued to a book. It made sense now why Mom got so sad looking at baby pictures, but then again these weren't the same. Flipping over a page, I smile at Nora's clumsy handwritten. 'Secet cub hose, so if you do'nt belong go a way.' and then below it I had drawn a butt. I should have been cringing but I found it more upsetting. As more pages when by, you could tell when things changed, like when Alex came into the picture. We thought it was cool, to continue the book in 7th grade, which it wasn't. The amount of glitter and glue was concerning and it kept falling onto my lap.

"This is dumb." I mutter to myself,pushing the book off the end of my bed. The book landing on the floor, opened up onto a stick figure I had draw of myself. I let out a stiff laugh, looking at the dumb stick figure with a crown. When I was younger, I was certain that I would be a king, a ruler, that would be fine without a queen. Just a king inside a castle with a ocean in between, I wish I could run away to that world. Being a king would be nice, I could play guitar through the castle, and get chicks to feed me grapes.

Letting out a prolonged sigh, I uncurl from my ball and spread out across my bed. Staring at my ceiling, I stop the urge to rip down all the posters on my bedroom. I wonder how my Mom would react if I just painted the walls black and screamed, she would most likely scream at me. Maybe I should actually ask her if I can paint the walls? I have no artistic talent but Nora could.... maybe I should just keep it with all the posters.

I should move on. Mom said you fall in love more than once, and maybe that was my once. Hell, I could be gay! I should get out there instead of moping around because of one girl.

I could go to that party Zack invited me too because Ben had a date and he didn't want to go alone. I love that muscular dude, he had easy slipped into the band and our group of friends like it was destiny.

Texting Zack that I would go to the party with him, I started fixing my appearance. I looked like shit, hot shit, but still shit.

Kicking the book under my bed, I stood up, straightening myself out. "Clothes." I said out loud, searching around my room for something to wear. I needed an outfit that turned heads, something that would be a big fuck you to any of my exes but it couldn't be slutty. Nora used to always laugh at me when I chose outfits. Apparently I spent more time on my appearance than girls in chick flicks.

Stumbling over my shoes, I grabbed one of my 'dark grey' t shirts off the floor and smell checked it. I say dark grey because when I called it "Ash gray" both Nora and Alex threw clothes at me. Apparently, I shouldn't be such a fashion diva.

But being a fashion diva is in my blood.

"Jacket." I announced out loud to myself again, going through a personal check list in my brain. "Ha it's a Jack-et." I continued, still talking to myself. I wasn't used to going to parties without someone sitting on the floor and judging all my life choices. I wasn't used to going to parties without Rian, Alex, or Nora. The few times I had gone to parties by myself... it ended badly.

Hearing my phone buzz, I stared out at Zack's message asking where I was. "Fuck." I mumbled throwing on shoes and badly tying the laces, knowing that I would most likely trip and fall later. "Jacket. Jacket. Jacket, where are you." I asked, rattling on like a mad man trying to find my leather jacket. Lying flat on my stomach, I finally found the jacket sitting crumpled under my bed, next to the little book.