Beautiful Scars (A Jack Barakat Fanfic)

8). I'm Dying To Live

*A/N* sorry this chapter is late, I got back from a school trip yesterday and internally died. Also I might start dedicating chapters to everyone who comments on them, mainly as a way to say thank you guys.

~Nora's POV~

I'm lying on my bedroom floor again. It's finally Friday, schools finished for the week. I've been looking forward to Friday night for the entire week yet here I am feeling like shit. Everyone's having fun without me while I lie on my bedroom floor feeling sorry for myself. I should be out, having fun not lying among the dust and dirty washing on my floor. It doesn't matter though, Jack hates me. I see the way he stares at me when I'm not looking. He hates me for kissing him, he hates me because I'm always being a bitch to him.

Everyone hates me, my parents especially. They're always nagging me about stupid things, yelling at me for no reason. I feel useless, even the teachers don't care. They don't notice, Ms Hope didn't care when I accidentally cut my arm today. I think she thought I deserved the cut, I deserve the pain because I'm just some middle classed kid. Kids like me don't understand pain, they don't understand suffering. Jack was the one to take me to the nurse, he was the one worried about all the blood. I don't even know how I cut my arm, I just know I deserved it.

Jack seemed pretty frantic about the cut. I don't know why, it's not like it mattered. The nurse wrapped a bandage around it, I'm fine. The cut stings a little but I like it that way, the pain reminds me I'm still human. I remember the nurse asking me how I got the cut and I just shrugged, I didn't know. I think I cut it on the pair of scissors that were balancing on the table.

I lean my body weight onto the cut, letting my arm ache. It seems a little messed up that I enjoy the sharp pain, it takes my mind away from everything. It makes me wonder what another cut like it would feel, maybe that cut would take my mind of Jack and how his lips feel.

I ignored Jack for the entire day, keeping myself quiet in case I say something that will hurt him. It's okay that I haven't been talking, my voice is annoying and will only get on everyone's nerves. I bit my tongue enough to draw blood every time someone spoke to me, refusing to answer. If I answer then they would start picking me apart, asking my I'm such a bitch, pointing at my problems.

Jack was the only one bothered to talk to me, he wouldn't expect a reply but he still talked on. He told me about how Alex and Rian found out about Maria being a stripper or how Zack shredded the bass. Part of me wished he didn't keep talking, a part of me selfishly earned for him to ask if I was okay but Jack doesn't care. Nobody cares about me and why should they? I'm worthless, I can't even do the dishes right without my dad yelling at me. Maybe I'm a fucking waste filling up the empty space. No one would care if I was gone, I could just disappear.

I can't control these thoughts, it feels like my mind is against me. I'm afraid, what if I end up disappearing? I don't want to disappear. I am crazy, a lunatic who has these thoughts. No wonder no one likes me, I'm sitting alone in my room crying, arguing with my own head.

I just don't get it, yesterday I was happy with Jack but now all the sudden I'm a wreck. Why can't I be happy like yesterday?

Hearing a knock at my door, I jump up, grabbing a tissues and wrapping a blanket around myself. I could play off the puffy eyes and running nose as a sickness.

"Nora?" I hear my brother ask, before popping his face around the corner, not even bothering to ask if he could come in.

"What?" I grumble, contemplating throwing the issue box at the idiot trying to squeeze through a gap in the door. "Ben just open the door wider." I continue, watching him struggling to get through.

"Nah, Nora. I like the challenge." He replied, finally squeezing his body through the door. I bit back a snark reply, of asking if that's why he was gay because he liked fitting through tight spaces. "Wow you look like a wreck and so does your room." Ben commented, his blonde hair sticking up in a mess.