Beautiful Scars (A Jack Barakat Fanfic)

11). Drugs Don't End Pain (Trigger Warning)

"What?" I burst out, staring at him in disbelief.

"I'm going to have to cut the drug supply off." He repeats.

"What, why? I'll do anything for some more, please." I beg, knowing that I would become even more worthless without my pills.

"Well there is one thing you can do." Pete says his face turning serious.

"I'll do it." I say straight away.

"You'll have to date me." He admits, dropping his cigarette and crushing it underneath his foot.

"I thought you were gay and what about Jack, we're kind of a thing now." I blurt out, confused on why Pete would want that from me, out of all things.

"I'm bisexual and you'll have to drop Jack or drop the drugs." He tells me

"Fuck" I swear out loud, weighing the options in my head. Drugs or Jack? The answer was simple, drugs. Drugs couldn't leave me, drugs made me happy, and Jack deserved better anyway.

"Okay." I agree, causing Pete to look shocked like he didn't expect me to easily give in.

"You don't need time to decide." He stutters out, staring at me.

"Nope." I cut in, popping the p.

"Break up with him now then." Pete commands, holding up the little bag in his hand. "And I'll give you this for free." He adds.

"The real stuff?" I ask, because if Pete gave me anymore of that shitty know of stuff again, I would punch him.

"Yeah now you know what to do." He continues, pointing a finger to my phone.

Calling Jack, I listen to the dial tone, taking deep breathes. "Hey Jacko." I say as he picks up the phone.

"Nora! This is Joyce, Jack's in the shower, so I picked up the phone for him." Jack's Mom rattles on, almost causing me to choke on my own spit. "Honey, It's so great you and Jack have finally come together." She continues, making the whole thing worse.

"Uh yeah about that, Mrs Barakat I'm going to have to break up with him." I tell her, feeling awful.

"Oh, why it will hurt him. Are you sure ? I mean it's only been a couple of weeks."

"Yeah, I'm sure." I cut her off, hearing silence on the end of the phone. "Could you please put Jack on the phone when he gets out?"

"Sure, and you'll still be friends?" She continues.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about this." I apologize, wanting to hurl myself off the bridge.

"It's okay Nora, things like this happen." She tells me. "Ben's being a good boy, by the way." She adds, making me almost die. Ben, Ben's living with them until my parents come around, Fuck.

"Hey Nora." Jack's voice suddenly interrupts. "Mom says you have something important to tell me, which she shouldn't know. Seriously, she's lucky it was you calling instead of Alex or something." He trails on.

"Jack" I whisper, my voice cracking.

"Nora what's wrong." He says full of panic.

"I have to break up with you." I replied, before Jack hangs up, leaving me to listen to the dial tone.

"Okay, Pete why the fuck did I have to do that?" I yell at him.

"Because I like you." Pete stutters out but it's not believable.

***

I feel like shit after that, and I can't stop the tears from flowing. Sure me and Jack's relationship wasn't solid but that didn't mean I had to end it. I just feel so fucked up, why did I have to get into drugs? Jack must hate me now, fuck, I hate myself. I hurt Jack, the one person who I thought I would never hurt. Why would anyone want to hurt Jack? He's always smiling and laughing, making the best out of people like me. Sobbing, I want this sadness to end, I just want to smack my head against the wall until I pass out.

I want it all to end, I just can't do this anymore. Everyone hates me, Jack especially. I don't know why I grab the pair of nail clippers on the floor and roll up my jeans. Placing the sharp part on my leg, I let it cut into my skin, I'm not sure what I expected but it feels horrible. I wish their was something poetic or ironic about the blood stained nail clippers. I can't find any profound meaning in the steady flow of blood dripping down my leg. I guess we can't romantic pain, pain is just pain, crude and messy.

I'm such a fucking drama queen that I wished I had cut myself somewhere more obvious so someone would notice. I guess doing that would be attention seeking and I don't want the attention, I don't want people to feel sorry. I deserve this, I deserve this pain, I have a good life yet I fuck everything up. I'm pathetic, I can't understand why Jack would ever want me, I push everyone away.

Wiping the blood away with a tissue, I roll my jeans down hiding the cut. Biting my lip, I ignore the pain of the fabric rubbing against it every time I move. There's actually a sick part of me that enjoy it,that enjoys the pain because pain makes us human.

Jack's POV

After Nora's phone call, I just sit there staring blankly at my wall. I don't understand why she would break up with me, Hell I wasn't even sure if we were officially dating. It doesn't matter now because she doesn't want me, I was a fool to believe someone as amazing as her would want me. I love Nora so much, I always have, and everyone does. It's hard not to like her, yeah she may be a bitch but behind that is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.

"Hey, Jack?" Ben says, walking into my room.

"Yeah?" I reply, I don't want to see him right now.

"She must have a reason."

"Yeah but it doesn't have to be a good one. I was a idiot to believe Nora would date me." I tell him, not knowing what to do with myself.

"She liked you for a long time, you know." Ben pipes in, leaning against wall.

"I don't believe that." I interject.

"You should read her 12 year old diary then." Ben laughs before disappearing out the door, leaving me to wonder if his words are true.

"Fuck" I say out loud to myself, I just wanted for forget for a little while. Texting Lex, I ask him if he wants to get wasted tonight.