Sha Qing

Chapter 85: Each Harbor A Hidden Agenda (2)

Leo pressed against Sha Qing's bareback, buried his face in the latter's nape, and sniffed deeply, "I told you, don't get too close to that guy, he's a scumbag."

Sha Qing asked rhetorically, "Are you saying that based on your intuition as a crime officer, or jealousy as a fuck buddy?"

Leo knew it wasn't the former, but he felt a stinging sensation in his chest as he heard Sha Qing's latter half of the sentence, and couldn't help but frown, "Fuck buddy? Is that how you see our relationship?"

Sha Qing replied nonchalantly, "Isn't that what you said? It's like 'having a good time in some toilet cubicle, then going home and waking up without even remembering what the other person looks like'?"

Leo sighed deeply.

He then held the other man on his shoulders and turned him around, "Sha Qing don't be angry with me. You know it's not like that... Well, no, it is a bit similar, since I really don't even know what you truly look like."

In the darkness, he stared at the face of Sha Qing, tone full of curiosity: "Is this your real face? The one I saw when we were in the murder castle? Perhaps one of the three simulated portraits? Or is it that I've never even seen it before? Sha Qing, you have hidden too much from me, it's like you're surrounded by thick fog - yet, you still expect me to be honest with you? Don't you think that's a bit unfair?"

"Unfair? You think that could compare to what you have always planned to do to me? Do I have to go to jail in order to receive your true feelings and mercy?" Sha Qing sneered as he continued, "Come on, the things you're hiding from me aren't necessarily less than mine. We both have our reservations because neither of us can't trust each other. If that's the case, why don't you just admit that you're only playing around with me? Can you think of another word to sum up our relationship besides being rivals and fuck buddies? Like what, lovers?"

"If it's the latter, then god, where are you going to put your dear, sweet, lovable brother-in-law-to-be?"

As Sha Qing dropped those words, realization dawned upon Leo.

He hadn't thought about Li Biqing. From returning to the sea cave at high tide, he had never thought of his boy, not even once.

-He doesn't belong to you. In the first place, it's entirely your own wishful thinking. Sha Qing's harsh voice sounded in his ears-

He's going to get engaged to your sister next month. What are you going to do, grab the groom? Or kidnap then hide him in a shed secretly? Oh, Leo, you're a tragedy.
Leo clenched his fists and slowly released them. He knew that these words did not come from Sha Qing's mouth, but the mocking echoes of a secret hope inside his heart that would never be realized.

There had never been a moment like this- a time where he felt like he was a total scumbag. It's true that he loves Li Biqing, but then, he went around and got entangled with another person. He loves Sha Qing, this too, was true, but he felt like he forced himself on the other person, since the other party clearly indicated at the start that he didn't want to.

It was because of his own indecisiveness that led to this kind of situation...

Leo stepped back blankly and fell to the edge of the bed. He bent over and propped his forehead with the palm of his hand, feeling a faint pain in his temple as his mind descended into turmoil.

"...I'm sorry." He whispered, not only to Li Biqing, but also to Sha Qing. He was disgusted with himself who could only apologize, but he couldn't find better words, since any other rhetoric was like shirking responsibility.