Do I wanna know? - Jamie Cook

45 - USA, Part 1

The next morning I woke up hungover, not really remembering much about last night. The only things I remembered were drinking, dancing and having a conversation with Jamie, but about what? No clue.

Tom and I flew back to London after having lunch. We were having a few days off before we has to meet the band across the ocean.

I spent most of the time back home with my dad and Charlotte. My best friend and I caught up on what had been going on in our lives these few weeks. She told me she started seeing someone she had met thanks to one of her coworkers; they had met at a birthday party and went on a few dates after that.

- Enough about me. How was being with Jamie on tour? - she asked me.

- It was weird, honestly - I frowned. - Like, we could talk to each other without being awkward, but there was some weird tension between us. Even Tom noticed it - I explained to Charlotte.

- I'm sorry. Who's Tom? - she asked.

- Remember my coworker I told you about? The one that went with me on tour? -

- Oh, right. Yes, yes - she nodded. - So nothing happened between you and Jamie then? - Charlotte asked and I shook my head in response.

- No - I sighed and laid on my back. - You know, sometimes I think he's the love of my life, and I'm hoping that sooner or later we will be together again - I said staring at the ceiling. Then I looked at my best friend and she gave me a sad smile.

- Honestly, I think he doesn't deserve you - my best friend replied, and I looked at her confused.

- Come on - she rolled her eyes. - First he led you on and then disappeared because he got scared. He might've been a good boyfriend, but he mentioned that he was leaving like 2 weeks before he left - she said as I stared at the ceiling.

- Besides, he never came back for you, despite promising it - she finished.

- I hate it that you're right - I mumbled. - And I hate myself for still loving him -.

- Hey, don't say that - she said and squeezed my hand. - You can't pick who you fall in love with -.

- You're right - I said and got up and sat on the bed. - Enough about this men bullshit. Let's watch a movie - I smiled and my best friend giggled.

A few days after that, I found myself sitting on a plane on my way to the States. Tom had fallen asleep, so I was reading a book I had recently bought. In a few hours we landed and a van took us to the hotel; we were spending the night there and the next day we were going on the tour bus.

Tom and I were greeted with Nick and Matt at the hotel. I hugged both of them and Tom shook their hands.

- It's good to see you both again - Matt said.

- Likewise - Tom smiled.

- Al and Jamie should be here soon - Nick said. - They are playing tennis -.

We chatted for a bit while we were sitting by the hotel's pool. Tom was telling us something when I spotted Alex and Jamie walking in our direction. I made eye contact with Jamie and that's when I remembered. The conversation I had with Jamie that night at the bar flooded my mind.

I never stopped loving you Phoebe, and I don't think I ever will.

My breath hitched as he came closer. He laughed at something Alex had said, and then ran a hand through his now longer blond hair. He looked very good, you couldn't deny that.

- Hello everybody - Alex said as he stood behind Matt. - It's good to see you again - he said smiling at Tom and I.

- You too - Tom smiled back.

- Yeah, what a surprise - Jamie said taking off his sunglasses. - I didn't know you were joining us in the States as well -.

- We forgot to tell you - Nick said to the guitarist, pressing his lips together.

- Anyways, it's good to see you - Jamie said to both of us, but he looked straight at me.

And he kept giving me mixed signals like that during the following days. Sometimes he would shoot quick glances at me during the concerts, and if he met my gaze he would smile at me. Sometimes he sang the chorus of Suck it and See and looked at me. A couple of times he looked at me during Do I wanna Know?, especially during the part where Alex sang "Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?".

After a week I was very confused. Did Jamie mean something by all that? Or it was just me giving myself some false hopes? I couldn't know, so I decided to talk to Tom about it.

- It's so obvious Phoebe - he sighed. - I mean, he admitted he still loved you that night - he said, pointing out what I had told him about our conversation at the bar.

- I don't know what to think anymore - I said as I covered my face with my hands, frustrated.

- You should talk to him - Tom advised me.

Gladly, I didn't have to force the topic into the conversation. One night after a concert, the band started drinking in the bus while we travelled to another city. Of course, they invited us to join them, and we accepted.

The group split into smaller ones, and I found myself talking to Tom and Nick.

- Hey Nick! Come here. Check this out - Alex drunkenly yelled.

- Sorry - Nick smiled and left the conversation.

Tom left shortly after to go to the toilet, and as I made myself another drink, I was approached by Jamie.

- You look beautiful tonight - he slurred into my ear.

- Okay, stop it - I said patting his chest, pushing him away. - What's going on? -

- Nothing - he replied and I raised an eyebrow. - I'm just saying the truth - he shrugged.

- I don't mean this. I mean everything. What's going on? - I said, a little bit frustrated.

- I miss you, Phoebe - he sighed. - I miss waking up next to you, I miss telling you about my day, I miss kissing you - he said, and I bit my lip.

- I miss you - he whispered after a couple of seconds. - And I want us to be together again -.

- As much as I want, we can't - I said and looked at the floor, avoiding his gaze. - I'm working for you, so things must stay professional -.

- Well then, fair enough - he nodded and then came closer to me. - I can't wait for this tour to be over so we can be together - he whispered in my ear and kissed my collarbone before he went back to talk to his mates.

When Tom came back, I was red as a tomato. I think he could tell something had happened, but I didn't say a word.

But nothing was going to stay all sunshine and rainbows. A few days later, everything went downhill. Tom had received a call from his mother, telling him that his dad had been in an accident. He talked to my boss and arranged everything, and he left the next day when we got to New York City.

I decided to take a walk that morning. It wasn't a long one, just long enough to clear my mind, and when I came back to the bus, I was met with Jamie.

- Oh, I thought you were leaving - he said a bit nervous. I found it strange but I let it slide.

- Tom did, but I'm staying - I smiled.

- Great - he smiled back, but something was off.

And that night I would find out what the hell was going on. We got back from the concert and were talking in the small lounge, when Jamie exited the bus. Nobody gave much attention to it, but all of us looked at the bus door when it opened and a small woman entered. She smiled at us as Jamie stood behind her.

- Katie! - Alex said as he stood up from the couch. - It's good to see you again - he hugged her.

Katie? As in his ex girlfriend?

- Are you two back together? - Matt asked with a smirk, and I wished he hadn't, because the answer crushed me.

- Sort of - Katie replied as she looked at Jamie with a smile.